


A Time or Two

by lilbonnieparker



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Basic emotional and physical abuse, Bottom Eren Yeager, Character Development, Criminal Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eventual smut???????????, Forgiving Eren, I just.... really love criminal Levi, Levi is literally a dickhead, M/M, Prison, Sadism, Shithead Levi, This is not a fluffy fanfiction, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top-Dog Levi, Triggers, Unforgiving Levi, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, background eruri, ereri, eruri smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2020-05-28 08:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 50,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19390744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilbonnieparker/pseuds/lilbonnieparker
Summary: Levi runs Stohess Prison. A new batch of inmates gives him a toy and a run for his money.Disclaimer:  I wrote this years ago. Four years, to be exact. I had read Junkyard Dogs before writing this and I am unsure if there are any accidental similarities, as I had no intentions of posting this when I wrote it. If there are any uncanny similarities, please alert me, and I will fix/delete. Thank you everyone!





	1. Asthma? You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?

My favorite day of the year was any day except for today. That's vague, I know, but I often look at my options and eliminate the answers that are completely unfathomable in order to reach my final verdict on all things in life. Currently, I was choosing my favorite day of the year by using that same logic, eliminating one day at a time until I reach the only one left standing. I'd already had this day eliminated for a while now. My birthday has never been pleasurable.

Birthdays in Stohess Prison (it has an official name, but it's longer than my lifespan and I couldn't give less of a shit) were awkward, to say the least. You see, the staff tries to make it something fun, but they don't succeed. The inmates around here would rather slit their own throats than attend the "parties", but they can't get their hands on any weapons and they're always being watched so they couldn't kill themselves, even if they wanted to (they probably do). Most inmates were blessed with having two or three people that had the same birthday as them, since this place is fucking huge, and the center of attention was never completely on them specifically, whereas I did not have that blessing. I shared a birthday with someone, alright, but not an inmate.

You see, I share a birthday with Jesus.

Aha, yes. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, and all that jazz. 

It was Christmas, and all of the inmates (including myself) were standing by a large table in the middle of the cafeteria. The other tables had been moved. It's the same celebration every year. My back was against the cold, stone wall, and I didn't plan on moving. There was a shitty tree next to me, and due to the fact that we were in fucking Florida, the tree wasn't even a pine. It was a goddamn palm tree, taller than me but shorter than most of the inmates (funny how that works). It was lit by string lights, and there were poorly-made decorations that we'd been forced to make in group therapy. One of them had a horribly drawn dick on it, and I would've laughed about it if I wasn't dead inside.

First, the Christians (aka the Latinos) sang happy birthday to Jesus. The rest of us stayed back, minding ourselves. Then, before the (sugarless) cake was cut, they had to sing happy birthday to me. My boys get a kick out of it. They sing loud and obnoxiously, patting me on the back and getting all up in my face. That's what they were doing at that very moment.

"—to you! Happy birthday, dear Noëlevi! Happy birthday to you!" They were singing. I was positive my ears would bleed. I was being pushed forwards, toward the table. I considered breaking the arms of whoever was touching me, but it was just Erwin, the warden. If I had wanted to break Erwin's arms, I would've done it when I jerked him off last night.

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I was at the plastic table. The cake candles were lit again and I was supposed to make a wish, but I had nothing to wish for. A punching bag, perhaps. I nodded, that seemed good enough. When the candle was blown out, the staff and my boys cheered, but everyone else was just concerned with getting cake. It was bland but fuck if it wasn't the best thing we got here.

The room was crowded. Too crowded. I got my cake and I was out in a second, escaping to the courtyard. I lit a cigarette and set my cake on the ground, unconcerned with it at the time being. I took a deep drag, leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and—

"Hey, Levi, did you hear?"

Gunther. I lolled my head to the side, my eyes barely opening enough to look at him.

"There's going to be a new batch of boys coming in tomorrow. How bad must that be? Day after Christmas and they’re getting moved into a new or their first prison." Gunther said, but all I could focus on was the fact that his shit-brown hair was getting far too long. One rule that my boys had to follow– keep yourself presentable.

"I send my pity to them, really, I do. Cut your fucking hair." I took another drag. "Why are you telling me this, anyway?"

"Your roommate's sentence was up last year, right? There's a whole lot of kids coming this time. You'll probably get a new one."

Ah, so paradise is temporary. Alright. I was no longer going to be alone. At least I got my punching bag.

"We'll see, I suppose," I said, picking my cake up and taking a bite. "I hope they know better than to put me with some bratty kid."

The rest of the day was devoid of any surprises. We had a longer visiting time because it's Christmas, of course, but I didn't have anybody visiting me. A lot of my boys had families, and it was weird to see them, my tough fighters and ruthless killers, hugging small children to their chests as if the kids were oxygen and they were drowning. Though, I suppose they were drowning. Everyone around here is drowning.

I didn't eat that night. That happens a lot. When I'm stressed, I can't eat, and I'm constantly stressed. I could be starving but the moment a problem arises that I can't take care of easily, my appetite is gone. Tonight, that problem arose in the form of Erwin telling me that I'd have a new roommate tomorrow. It wasn't a surprise, but it was still unwelcome.

I was staring at the bed opposite me. It was neatly made, untouched. Tomorrow there would be a kid there. I grimaced— kids were gross, no matter the age. To us inmates, a kid is anyone from 0-25 that hadn't been to prison before. Kids don't know how things work. Kids don't know the rules. The kid would want me to explain.

I put my hands on my face and dragged them down, leaning back against the wall, my eyes lidded. Everyone was outside for free time and I couldn't bring myself to go. Usually, I stand outside and make sure my men don't fight anybody or bother anything, but not today. My head hurt and my stomach hurt but if I ate then I would puke and nobody wanted that. I didn't want that.

Eventually, I laid onto the pillow and rolled onto my side. The light was shining in from the window and it hurt my eyes.

-

The end of my cigarette was bright orange and the heat was warm on my face. Smoke swirled around me. I inhaled it, along with the cold, everything. I needed to calm down if I wanted to eat.

"Newbies are coming at noon," Eld told me. I could stand few people and Eld was typically one of them.

My gut clenched and I took a drag of my cigarette quickly. "Okay."

"Are you nervous?" He asked.

"Why would I be?" I snapped, but I hadn't meant to, and I quieted down. Eld didn't even flinch. He was used to it. "I've dealt with plenty of shitty kids in my lifetime."

Eld nodded. He was quiet after that, I didn't want him to talk anyway.

At lunch, I successfully got a spoonful or two of chili down my throat. It wasn't the worst thing I'd swallowed, not even close, but I had to force it to go down with water.

"In your cells! Now, come on!" A guard yelled. He started ushering people out of the room, and I knew why. A new shipment of kids. We all had to be in our cells for this to ensure that nobody fought over them. Everyone wants a nice little innocent ass to break in, and everyone in this prison had shit for morals.

I put my hands on the bars of the window on my door, watching as the big metal doors opened. Everyone was hollering and catcalling already and they hadn't even seen the poor kids. The orange jumpsuits were brighter than I remember, though my memory was a bit dull. It'd been a while.

All of the new kids lined up in front of the cells. The guards kept them like this for a couple of minutes. This was mainly to humiliate and intimidate them as the inmates yelled disgusting things and scared the fucking life out of them. Some kids flinched, some sat perfectly still, and some lost it immediately.

I scanned them from left to right. The first couple seemed a bit older than the rest, and they got younger the further down you got. Then, guards were banging on the doors, telling us all to step back and let the kids in.

I did as told and sat on my bed. They started calling our names and the cells they were assigned to. Time went by, younger kids began to get their assignments, and the hollering and shouting never died down after each name was called. "James Nast, cell 16. Wes Peters, 17. Eren Jaeger, 18..."

My jaw clenched. _Eren Jaeger_ was to be my cellmate, whoever the hell that was. A guard opened my door before I could even get a mental image of which kid I thought it might be. He pushed someone in— a kid with messy brown hair and big, terrified green eyes. He was still cuffed. The guard let the cuffs off before shutting the door behind him, sealing him in his fate.

Eren turned to me, mouth open. Before his eyes even met mine, I barked, "Don't."

His eyes averted. Aha, so the kid was obedient. To what extent, though?

"I'm Eren," he said. His voice was as soft as he looked, definitely not a good thing. The kid was the perfect twink, easy to boss and good looking. Longer hair, perfect skin, tall as a motherfucker. His ass was nice, even in that jumpsuit, and I knew he would get snatched up and eaten as soon as he stepped outside. That would be amusing to watch. Too bad it wouldn't happen, if Eren was as smart as he was cute.

I narrowed my eyes. "Don't care. Stop talking."

He did, and sat on his bed.

-

"What did you get?" "Mine's better." "Mine is a shithead, I'm gonna have to..." "He doesn't listen!" "He's twink as fuck."

The new boys were all the rage the next day. The inmates referred to them almost as objects. "What did you get?" was my favorite personally. It made it sound like we'd all picked from a goodie bag, and the flavor candy was something to be discussed. 

My flavor was quick to become my favorite.

The orange jumpsuits seemed to cluster together at free time. They stood outside, in a corner, and some dared to walk around. If they weren't together, they were with their cellmate; they'd already become property. I didn't boss Eren around just yet. I didn't want him feeling entitled to me, I needed him to realize he was lucky to have me around. He knew nothing about prison life, but that was fine. He'd learn soon enough.

Jean was talking, but that's all I can tell you. I can't tell you what he was talking about because I wasn't listening. I knew that it was probably about the kid who'd gotten assigned to his cell, Marco. He was timid, like Eren, and sweet, which I can't say is similar to Eren because I don't know him well enough. But he wasn't Eren.

"Hey, Levi, what did you get?"

I looked up. My head had been hanging down and I had been staring at my shoes boredly, and now my neck hurt a bit. "Nothing special," I said. Jean looked at me, seeing I was lying.

"No, you got that Eren kid. He's real special."

I stared at him and didn't say anything, but the other guys seemed thoroughly interested and therefore he continued. "He's got real pretty eyes, doesn't he? Cute one you got there. Not cuter than my Marco, but..."

I didn't move to reply to his question or to tell him he was wrong, because he was. Instead, I took a drag of my cigarette, and said, "So?"

"Are you gonna tear his ass up or what?" Connie burst suddenly, agitated that Jean was tiptoeing around the question.

"Didn't plan on it," I replied.

Eld looked at me like I was crazy. Hell, maybe I am. "You must be kidding, Levi. Why not? He's probably a virgin too."

"I get plenty of action around here, I don't need some inexperienced brat ruining my sexual appetite," I said, plainly and bluntly. I was never the easiest person to persuade, and I didn't want to fuck Eren, not yet. Well, I wanted to fuck him, but I didn't want to do it on his first day here. Not out of concern for his well being, but out of my gain. I knew the guys wanted me to fuck him because they couldn't fuck their twinks until I did. Let's call it a tradition. Top dog tastes first, and they knew better than to cross this boundary. They were all sexually frustrated and had been waiting for this day, and I knew that they'd unleash completely on their boys as soon as they could. So, I made them wait a bit longer. Does it make me a bad person?

Jean looked dejected. I might say that he's the one who wanted his boy most. "Sadistic bastard," he murmured, and moped away.

-

At dinner, I sat with Jean, Gunther, Connie, and Eld, just like every other day. The food was extra shitty today, another tactic used by the inmates (who made the food) to make the place seem even shittier and scarier. We don't know why we do it, but it sends a happy thrill through us all collectively when we hear all the bad rumors about us in the outside world. It's wonderful. We hold so much power, and if shitty food makes the new kids uneasy and made them not look forward to their time here, then shitty food we would make.

Jean had brought Marco. Everything he had said about the brunette turned out to be true. He was quiet and nice, sweet to the core but inevitably scared. After all, he'd basically been given to someone in the most dangerous group here, even if Jean was a daisy compared to some of these men.

We don't call ourselves a gang. Gangs are filled with dejected inbreds with IQs of 10. We didn't call ourselves anything, really, and we didn't need to. It was established that I run the place, but that was it. The people I surrounded myself with were my "men", and that's all they were. They got respect because of me, because they were intelligent, because they took no shit. I held enough power to keep these fuckers in line, something that I had to fight for and something that was backed by the administration. It was both a blessing and a curse.

"So Marco," Jean said, turning to the boy. He flinched a bit but offered a warm smile to him, like a housewife about to bake some cookies after being beaten. "What did you do before you came here?" A few of the boys stifled their laughter. Jean was trying so hard to butter him up, but it wouldn't matter in the end. Jean would have his way.

"I-I was in college," Marco replied, the smile still on his face, though it was faltering because of the laughter. He was nervous and confused. "I was going to be a math teacher."

Jean pretended to be totally interested. I tuned them both out and went back to my "food", taking a bite of the "burrito". I was curious as to how Marco, such a sweet boy and college student, got put in here. But I didn't dare ask. That was just impolite.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bright orange jumpsuit accompanied by messy brown hair. I glanced over, and sure enough, it was my Eren. He was sitting with Daniel, an old man who belonged to no gang but wasn't bothered because he'd been here since 1964. He knew the way around and how to hurt you and cover it up well. He could probably escape if he wanted to, but he didn't want to. The world was far too different for him to be happy there now. He was already dead, he claimed.

I watched them. Daniel was a good guy. He'd never try to touch or hurt Eren, not that I was worried. The kid could get fucked sideways for all I cared at the time. I would have my way with him eventually, when it really counted.

Lunch was over and it was back to our cells. As I walked out into the hallway, I saw Eren. He was jogging toward me.

Oh, fucking hell.

"Hi," he said and slowed to a walk, right next to me. What is he doing?

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to do. He doesn't have a right to do this, who does he think he is? Walking up to me like he knew me; it made my head swirl. He was so beyond stupid that I couldn't even process a reaction. People in here didn't jog up to me with a smile on their face, walking beside me like we're equals. They walk behind me, always, and then there's Eren. Fucking Eren. I was going to have to write this shit out for him, wasn't I? I went into the cell first and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up. He looked at me like I had grown a head, but not for long, because he remembered what I'd said last time.

"You're not supposed to smoke inside." He told me, as if I didn't fucking know.

"Oh, really?" I asked him in mock disbelief. "I had no idea. I've only been here for ten years."

Eren, at that, bit his lip. His face burned red, obviously from being embarrassed by saying such a stupid and obvious thing, as he should've been. All was quiet for a moment, and I thought that maybe God had looked down upon me and granted me silence for once, then—

"I have asthma."

I looked over at him. He was sitting on his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest, his hands over his mouth and nose. He was struggling to keep a cough in, the fucking child. I narrowed my eyes. "Asthma? You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?" I asked bitterly. His eyes darted towards me, and then he let out that cough.

I threw the cigarette at his bed. I really could not catch a fucking break, could I? He yelped in shock, knocking the cigarette onto the floor and stomping on it to put it out. Smoke surrounded him like a fog and he started coughing desperately, pulling his jumpsuit up over his nose and moving towards the door.

Well, that was fun to watch while it lasted. I sighed deeply, watching the kid try to hide his face. He was still coughing, and the cigarette was still smoking. Maybe that had been a bad idea. I got up and got the cigarette off of the ground, then put it under my mattress. It wouldn't catch the mattress on fire, but it might burn a hole through it. Eren's coughs had gotten raspy and a bit wet now, but he was trying to get it under control. A for effort, you brat.

"Shut up," I said, sitting back down on my bed. He moved to wipe at his eyes, which had become watery. He looked like a little boy now, pouting, as though I had just ripped through his little heart.

"You're an asshole," he said, under his breath, fists clenched. I raised my eyebrows. Hm, so he's finally decided what he thinks of me, then? It took him long enough.

"What was that?" I asked. I held no anger over his statement, but he didn't need to know that. I wanted to see him squirm. 

He didn't say anything, lying back down onto his bed and turning to face the wall. He was mad at me.

I couldn't fucking smoke. I couldn't have the room to myself, couldn't jerk off without some twelve-year-old watching me. What would I do now to pass the time? Read or some shit? Well, at least reading wouldn't give me cancer. Maybe I'd go to the library the next day. But what was I supposed to do about the whiny bitch in the bed next to me?

"Hey, kid. Do I need to get your ass in the infirmary?" I asked him. It wasn't the best way to show the minute concern I held, maybe, but hey. My strength had never been my social skills.

Eren didn't turn around. His voice was raspy and revealing when he lied, "I'm fine."

I was going to say something else, but then I remembered that I didn't give a shit whether he was fine or not, so I banged on the door and told the guard I had to piss. Eren Jaeger could suffocate, for all I cared.


	2. Breathplay, really, Levi?

Eren was quiet the next morning. Occasionally, he would sputter a small cough, and pass it off like he was clearing his throat. We went to breakfast, with him trailing behind me. 

"Why's your boy coughin' like that? Did you screw him? I bet you're into breathplay." Connie asked me as I approached the table. I glanced back at Eren, and then sat down.

"No, I didn't screw him, jerkoff. And I'm not into breathplay, believe it or not." I told him matter-of-factly. "Kid's got asthma. What can you do?"

"You smoke 24/7, though." Jean pointed out.

I rolled my eyes, drumming my fingers on the table. "That's why he's coughing."

At free time, Marco went over to Eren. Jean, I knew, hadn't liked that. I knew that it was probably to ask him if he was alright, he'd heard the breakfast discussion. 

I watched them from a distance. I hoped Eren knew better than to open his mouth about what I did. I saw him grab at his throat, but then smile when Marco said something. I figured I was okay. Either way, though, nobody would've dared to do anything. He's mine, whether I've screwed him or not. 

Jean was doing pull-ups on the bars and the rest of us were standing around said bars. Some of the guys had weights and were aimlessly lifting them. I worked out on occasion, but most people did it to intimidate or to pass time. I didn't need to do either of those things until yesterday. Eren had taken away my time-filler for the cell. 

At one point, I saw Eren sitting by himself, against a wall. He looked around, coughed into his arm, and got the attention of a person passing by. Eren said something, the person shrugged and walked away. That's when I got curious. 

I left the guys and didn't explain why. I didn't have to explain myself to them. I walked up to where Eren was sitting. He was watching me from the moment he noticed me heading toward his direction. 

"What did you just ask that guy?" I asked immediately. He blinked, not prepared for the question.

"I-I asked him if there were any water fountains or something." 

I quirked an eyebrow. "Did you? Are you thirsty? I could always let you suck my dick, sugarpie." I said. It was fun to push his limits, I’d learned, whether it was sexual or related to an illness. How much would he take? What would he look like with his lips around my cock?

"I'm not sure that would help my coughing." Eren muttered. He looked away again.

He had sassed me, I knew, and I wasn't necessarily mad. I just couldn't really let it go without punishment. I stared at him for a good couple of minutes, thinking of my next move. Whatever I do could backfire, but damn, I was bored. So I cocked an eyebrow and said, "Up."

Eren was on his feet in moments. I knew that he was probably growing scared. He was staring at me with those big green eyes, wide as saucers. He was taller than me, and you know, I didn't like it. I didn't like it all.

I knew the guys were watching me. Hell, I knew _everyone_ was watching me. They wanted to see what I was going to do and what it would lead to. "What exactly is wrong, hm, Eren? Can't breathe?" I asked him, my voice low and quiet. I knew he couldn't breathe, it sounded like someone was sitting on his chest every time he inhaled. Regardless, my hand reached forward to touch his side and drag my fingertips down. It was a touch that nobody could see but Eren definitely felt. 

"Not well, I--" he said. He began to go on but I didn't want to, and I pressed a finger to his lips. He fucking _squeaked_ like a little girl. My eye twitched. That was annoying.

My other hand moved down Eren's side, and the boy was shaking already. He closed his eyes and kept them glued tight, and that's when I started to talk. I had to calm him down if I wanted to shock him. "Hey, Eren, tell me. Are you a virgin?" I whispered. Everyone was watching, probably the guards as well, and they were trying to pass it off like they weren't but it was alright. I was making a scene on purpose. I wanted them to watch.

"Y-Yes." Eren said surely, quietly. I took that chance to palm the kid's crotch, making his jaw drop slightly. His eyes flew open and I took _that_ chance to kiss him, open-mouthed, wet and raw and a little obscene. Eren made a noise of disapproval. He couldn't push me, I was too strong, and he couldn't pull away, as he was being held against the wall.

Murmurs circulated, but I didn't back away. I had to work towards my goal. Just like I predicted, Eren began to struggle more, trying to wiggle out of my grasp. I was kissing, and sucking, and he was struggling for air. I let him make a tiny bit of room to say whatever he needed to. " _Levi_ , Levi, I can't breathe...!" He gasped. He coughed into my mouth and it was fucking _disgusting,_ so I finally stepped back. He fell against the wall, sliding to the floor, coughing erratically. I crossed my arms and watched his red face get redder and then die down, and his breathing go from gasps to random intakes. He hid his face into his lap, trying desperately to get the attention away from him. _Oh Eren, there's no way. Not that I've assaulted your mouth, not now._

"Hope you find that drink of water," I said, and then turned and sauntered away. A rush surged through me as everyone's eyes were either on me or Eren. It was a horrible thing to do, messing with the kid's crucial health problems, but I'll be damned if I didn't feel entitled to do so.

-

“The kid has asthma! You can’t do that, Levi!”

Erwin was the warden. If it weren’t for the fact that Erwin has taken a liking to me (in multiple ways, if you catch my drift), I would be in a lot more shit than I was. I’d be in solitary all of the time. But, I’m not, because Erwin covers up all the shit I do and I suck his dick in return.

“Really?” I asked him, drawing with word out sarcastically. “Because I think I can.”

“Jesus Christ. I knew to give you a roommate was a bad idea. You know, I did it for the kid’s sake. I figured that you’d keep him safe. He’s a cute, innocent child that these inmates would love to corrupt, and I thought that if you claimed him, they would leave him alone. But here you are, bullying the poor kid and fucking up his medical conditions, probably treating him worse than if he was subject to the treatment of the other inmates. Breathplay, really, Levi?” He said all of this in one breath, then stared at me, hard and cold, stern like a father giving a scolding.

All I could do was frown and slump into my seat. “I’m not into breathplay. I’m showing him who’s in charge.”  
  
“That’s all you have to say to everything I just said?” 

I pretended to think about it, looking around and ‘racking my brain’. “Yeah, pretty much. I’m drawing blanks here, Erwin. Really. But if you think I'm treating him that bad, take him out of my cell. See where he ends up then.”

Erwin didn’t say anything else other than, “You can leave now”. I got up and left the room, giving the guard a disgusted look when he wiggled his eyebrows in suggestion. Fucking ingrates. Upon my return to my cell, where I was hoping to find some solitude, I was met with Eren, whom I hadn't seen since the incident earlier. He was sitting on his bed, book in his lap, a look of concentration on his features. _Reading._

I shut the door behind me, grabbing his attention. He glanced up, saw me, and glanced silently back down to the pages. I felt the urge to roll my fucking eyes, but I kept my comments to myself. He was going to hold out on this, a grudge probably, maybe the silent-treatment. But I was curious as to what had happened after I left earlier. Clearly, he hadn’t died, so nothing too tragic happened, right?

“How’s your breathing?” I asked him, pulling my cigarette pack out and laying it on the nightstand. His eyes followed my movements, watching this happen. I was calling a momentary truce.

“I had to go to the infirmary. I just got back. They had to hook this machine up to my mouth in order to get my lungs to fill and they put an IV in my arm.” 

He was dead staring at the book, probably not reading. His eyes weren’t even moving. Just a reason to avoid looking at me, which was fine. 

“Oh,” I said. Maybe I had done more damage than I had anticipated.

“Mhm," and then his eyes began to move side to side again. I couldn't tell how much of that was a lie. 

I pursed my lips and sat down There just wasn't much for me to say at this point. We had rec time soon, and I didn't know (or really care) if Eren would be accompanying me to the rec room. He stayed silent, reading (or pretending to) and I also remained quiet in my own little bubble. Eventually, Eren shut his book, slid it under his bed, and stood with a stretch of his arms. I glanced in his direction. Then, he took out what looked like a knock-off sharpie. At first, I thought he was going to stab me or something, but he popped the cap off and snatched my hand into his.

“What are you doing, kid?” I hissed, trying to rip my hand from his hold, but he wasn’t going to let me. The felt tip hurt against my skin but I barely even had time to process that he was writing on my skin before he pulled away and it was done. I felt dizzy.

He let my hand go and I looked at it. The guard pounded on the door and opened it. 

‘ _EJ’_.

I burst, staring at Eren, already on my feet, ready to send him right back to that fucking infirmary. But what stopped me, what threw me off, was when he threw a grin over his shoulder, a _wink_ , before gliding out of the room. 


	3. Pretty-boy of Stohess

The rec room was in full swing. Music was playing from the radio, the air-hockey and pool tables were surrounded by rowdy men, and I was sitting at a table alone. 

I had a lot on my mind. Things related to a certain shaggy-haired brunette, things not. I was zoned out, barely registering the chaos in the room when Jean came up to me, handing me a stack of cards. “Shuffle and deal?”

I played poker a lot. It was one of the things I enjoyed most in that shithole prison. I won frequently, which made it all the more enjoyable. I tend to, as a person, stick to the things I'm good at. We bet things like cigarettes, which held the most value, soap, markers, toothbrushes, and other things you could buy from the commodity store. It was something to pass the time, and while I rarely ever was in need of something from the commodity store, it didn't help to stock up. 

We sat down and I shuffled the cards, dealing them out. The game started with Jean and Connie and me, but soon Gunter and Eld and Oluo joined. Oluo was going on and on about how good he’d gotten since we last played, even though it was obvious that the ‘odds’ were in my favor today, as typical. I put three chips in, looking at my cards and considering that I did alright in the draw.

I didn’t even notice that they were staring at my right hand until Oluo stopped talking mid-sentence.

“What?” I asked. Jean looked at me with wide eyes.

I turned my hand over and looked at it. _Shit._

“You let him do that? Oh man, Levi, he's playing you like you're his bitch,” Connie said, caution in his voice. He had a right to be concerned and I felt my blood begin to boil. How had I forgotten? How had I even overlooked this-- It didn't fucking matter. I had to get that shit off my hand, immediately. "Did you even mark him back?"

I put my cards down on the table, face down. “No. I didn’t. It's just some fucking Sharpie, it's not a big deal," I lied as I stood abruptly, shoving my hand in my pocket and telling a guard I was going to the bathroom. "Nobody touches my fucking cards."

It was absolutely a big fucking deal. I hoped, prayed to whatever was holy that the only people who'd seen it was the people at my poker table. I also hoped and prayed that Eren was saying his final fucking goodbyes, because his time was up, as far as I was concerned. 

I had tried to wipe it off with my spit on the way to the rec room and then Jean started talking to me and I got distracted and fucking forgot and _Jesus Christ, Eren_. _I’m going to slit his throat, I swear to god, the doe-eyed little shit._

Once I had reached the bathrooms, I covered my hand in a mountain of soap and scrubbed it until my skin burned. I put it under cold water and got more soap, but no matter what I did, the letters were still there, faint but present. If you've ever taken a Sharpie to your skin, you know that shit stains like a motherfucker. He might as well have tattooed it onto my skin. _Why did I let him even get that close, what the fuck did I think he was doing?_ I felt myself getting frustrated. I was muttering things to myself, things like, _‘I’ll kill him I’ll kill him’._ There was nothing I could do, there was nothing I could--

“Levi, you’re going to rub all your skin off.” 

My breath hitched, eyes flickering up to the mirror under the hood of my eyelids and anger settled deep in my gut. I turned, on autopilot, and my wet, soapy fist connected with his cheekbone before I could even think. Stumbling backward, Eren took hold of the stall behind him to keep himself upright. I wanted him on the fucking ground, I wanted to mark him with some broken bones and bruises, I wanted him to feel my anger and my disrespect. I wanted him to know what he did wrong, but the thing was, he already did. He wouldn't have thought of that on his own, someone must have told him about the marking tradition. About how inmates always marked their boys after they had been claimed. They used their initials, had it tattooed in an obvious and visible spot. Someone fucking told him, and he had taken it upon himself to _mark me himself._

“Who the hell do you think you are, Eren Jaeger? You're a dead fucking man," I hissed, my rage overtaking me and my senses. I practically took him by the shoulders and threw him into the porcelain sinks, pipes creaking under his weight as his back hit them with a dull thud, and I knew it had to have hurt his spine. “I _mark,_ I am not _marked_ , by anyone. And certainly not by you, you fucking--"

Eren stayed silent, watching my disbelief come out in spurts. My heart was racing and my adrenaline was out of control. I wanted nothing more than to hurt the kid. To mark the kid. To make him regret his fucking nerve.

 _Bruises. Bruises. Bruises._ I could mark him with bruises. 

I moved him, barrelling him into the wall. He was basically... _letting_ me. Never once did he resist, fight back, or even argue his own fucking point. This infuriated me, so I held him against the wall and delivered a blow in his gut, making him lurch into a pained bend at the waist. As he went to move, though, I gripped his shoulders and shoved him back against the wall.

“Stop moving,” I growled, taking hold of his jaw with my hand, prying it open and pressing his skull against the brick. He made some sort of deep, throaty noise. It would have been sexy in any other circumstance. “Shut up, shut the fuck up," I told him, connecting my free fist to his cheekbone once again. I wanted that bruise to be the darkest. 

“I figured…” He began to say, his voice raspy, his eyes partly closed and his head lolling to each side. His speech was tired, weak. “...that if you could... sexually assault me and send me to the... the infirmary, I could write my...my _goddamn_ initials on your hand.”

“Well, what fucking made you think that?” I asked him, stepping back, only to toss his compliant and willing and weak body onto the floor. He went like a limp rag-doll, hitting the floor with a thud and using a shaky arm to keep his head from hitting the ground. One more head-on impact and he might've gotten a concussion. “I’m... I'm _important_. I am _respected_. I hold more power than you could ever imagine. And you want to tell me that you got it into your big-ass head that you could write your _initials_ on my _hand?_ You mean nothing to no one here, Eren Jaeger, and you just continue to fucking ask for me to kill you. Do you want to fucking die?"

Eren sucked in a breath, wincing, as it must've hurt his probably-bruised ribcage to do so. “I figured... you would react like this. Someone told me I’m ‘yours’. It’s true, isn’t it?" a pause. Eren's lidded eyes met mine, a small frown coming over his face. "That’s why people will look at me like they’d devour me if they had the chance... but they don’t touch me. They don’t even come... close to it. It’s because you’re _powerful_ , right? I’m in... your cell. I’m _yours_.”

My fists balled up and then released. What was this? Was he submitting? Did he finally underst--

“--Well fuck that.”

I felt my eyes widen without my brain even having to tell them to do so.

Eren had propped himself up on his elbows now, looking up at me. Blood was practically gushing from his nose, a nasty bruise forming on his cheek, but I didn’t give a shit. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. All I saw was painted red in my vision. 

“That’s what it is... Levi," Eren began to cough, but forced it down, shaking his head. "I marked you. Know... why? It’s my way of telling you that I’m not _yours_. I’m not _anyone’s_. I don’t belong to any- _fucking_ -body... and if you think you’re _ever_ going to _fuck me_ , you’re wrong.”

If that wasn't enough to have completely shaken my world, the next thing he did definitely did the trick.

Eren Jaeger spat at my feet.

Without a thought, I kicked him in the skull, and he fell to the side. I didn’t wait around to see if he ever got up.

-

Eren was sent to the infirmary. Again. 

I was glad. I wanted him dead. 

I was going to have him killed. It would be simple. Anyone would do it for me, and nobody would even suspect me. I had to get him out of my fucking sight if I was going to let him live, that much was for sure. If Erwin was smart, if Eren had any fucking sense, they would find some new lodgings for that beanstalk of a bitch. 

Eren had that special innocence that needed to be protected, and yet you so badly wanted to destroy it. Eren had the innocence we envied. I would give anything to be so blind. I would give anything to unsee the things I’ve seen. Far too many of us feel like this. It makes us jealous, we can’t control it, we have to break kids like him. I couldn't protect him. He didn't want my fucking protection. I had so much to offer this kid, and if he would just act right for five goddamn minutes, I could do that. But he had made up his mind the moment he spat at my feet in that bathroom, and now, he was going to pay. I didn't have to exert physical force over the kid for my plan to be fulfilled, this time. I didn't have to do anything. All I fucking had to do was ignore that he existed at all.

If I wasn’t going to force him or break him, someone else would.

Better me than someone else, right? I tried to reason with myself, arms crossed, sitting on the edge of my bed. At least I would be gentle. Well, gentler, anyway. Wouldn’t he rather be forced by _me_ , someone who will keep him safe, rather than by someone who will hurt him? Throw him away? Jesus Christ, I sounded like a psychopath. 

_You_ were _going to hurt him. You_ were _going to throw him away. Don’t you understand? You’re bad for him, you’re bad for yourself. If the kid trusts you, it’ll be his downfall. He’s detected that before he could get involved with you. Leave him be._

And I could do that. I could leave him all alone. It would be the only way for him to realize that he needed me more than he thought he did.

Eren Jaeger, prize of the prison, pretty-boy of Stohess, officially belonged to nobody. He now belonged to everybody. 

-

Eren was out of the infirmary the next day with minor injuries, somehow. He came in the cell with a nasty blue-yellow bruise on his cheek. I watched his every move, from the moment he walked into the moment he sat down. I was sure it was probably becoming suspicious as to how many times Eren had been to the infirmary already. I wondered when Erwin would be calling me in for a talk.

“Eren,” I said. He glanced my way, his face stone cold, but the bruises didn't make him look tougher. They made him look like a little boy who fell off his bike and needed TLC instead.

“What do you want?”

The indisputable fact was that Eren was dead-set on being bitchy. It would be easier to drop this whole thing, but I was trying so, so damn hard to be civil. To be reasonable. To give him a chance. I took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”

“Do we?” He asked. Sarcasm was thick.

I had to. If I released him to the wolves without warning, I would feel like whatever happened to him was my fucking fault. It wouldn't be, since he chose that fate in the bathroom, but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. The kid didn't know  _ what he was doing _ . He didn't know what his choice would mean. I had to tell him. “I want to explain some things to you.” 

He fisted some of his blanket into his hand, jaw locking in anger. “Do you?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fuck.”

I could feel Eren frown from across the room. He let out a huff, fingertips mindlessly touching his bruised eye. “Fine.”

“I'm trying to help you,” I said. He seemed totally unconvinced, which could be expected. After all, I had done little for his well-being since he had arrived. "You don't know what it's like to be a piece of fresh meat walking these prison halls without someone having claimed you… Fucking hell, Eren, at least look at me."

He did, hatred in his eye. 

“You’re trying to tell me that, by being _your_ property, I will save myself trouble?” He asked. “I'm not fucking buying it. All you have done for me is send me to the infirmary. Multiple times.”

Process of elimination. Process of elimination. I loved the process of elimination, it had yet to fail me once. I had several options here, for handling the tantrum-throwing teenager that was in my presence. One, I could hit him some more. Two, I could scare him shitless. Three, I could calmly explain. One would make him bitchier. Two would make him completely unable to be persuaded. Three was the winner. Ding ding ding!

“Look. If I don't claim you, someone else fucking will. Quick, too. Want some guy’s dick up your ass all the time? Be my guest. Want to be bossed around and publicly humiliated? Be my guest. I can have that arranged for you. The second I go out there and make it clear that I want nothing to do with you, your pretty decent life will go to absolute shit.” I said. Eren became antsy as I went on. “I’m respected, like you know, Eren. What I'm trying to say is, If I’ve got you, nobody is going to even try to touch you.”

“You already boss me around and publicly humiliate me,” Eren sneered. He had a point, even if he was thinking with pure emotion and zero logic at the moment. "I don't want to be  _ owned _ by anyone. I'm my own person, and you probably just want to fuck me. That's why you're trying to scare me by doing all this."

I had to laugh. Like, I really had to fucking laugh. It spilled out of me before I could stop it. Still chuckling, I gave Eren a shake of my head. "Eren, if I just wanted to fuck you, I would have already fucked you. Left you to rot. Handed you over to whoever else wanted a turn. I already get my sexual kicks taken care of around here, if you were worried."

Something flashed in his eye, but it was gone within a second. Eren’s mind’s gears were turning but he was confused. I knew he would be. Then he frowned, turning away as he said, “Maybe if you would abdicate some of your power, we wouldn’t have this problem. Who gave you the right to be king of the prison?”

“Myself.” I snapped. Eren flinched. “I earned my position, smartass. You don’t want me abdicating anything. This place would be a madhouse if someone else was in charge.”

“What about the warden? Isn’t he technically in charge?”

“Erwin?” I asked, scoffing. Delirium. “Remember what I just said about my sexual kicks being taken care of? He certainly exerts his power when I’m blowing him and he’s whimpering like a hurt animal.”

I knew Eren was feeling some strong abhorrence towards me. Now, he looked pained on top of being pissed. A sickly look came over his face and he brought his hands to rub his eyes. Most shockingly, though, was that he was still shaking his head. I was hoping he’d see what I was talking about, would see the clear choice. Though, to him, it probably felt like he was giving up his freedom. I had tried the calm talking-to. I had tried to be civil. If Eren Jaeger wanted to play games, we could play games.

“I don’t care what you do, Eren, but don’t come crying to me when someone, or everyone, tries to stick their dick in your ass and you don’t like it,” I finally said, my tone sharp and cold, slicing through him visibly. He looked at me and I saw regret flash across his face. As soon as I saw it, it was gone.

The bell sounded. It was time for breakfast. “That won’t happen,” He assured me, getting up. 

My eyebrows raised. I felt trouble churn in the pit of my stomach, but If he wouldn’t listen to reason, maybe he needed to see it for himself. “Watch, the minute I get a new toy, is the minute your fate is set in stone,” I told him, but he looked away from me stubbornly. He wasn't going to listen to a goddamn thing I said. So I left. 

-

By the time I walked into breakfast, I had it all planned out in my head. There was a kid name Vince. He bunked with Daniel, and Daniel, being the old man he is, refused to have anything to do with the kids that came in here. Vince was perfect for the job-- shy, scared, terrified of me. 

I knew Eren was watching me out of the corner of his eye the entire time we sat in the cafeteria. He sat with the newbies, not with me, which drew enough attention as it was. When my men began to question, I dismissed it, picking at my food as if nothing was different. Eren was waiting for me to do something. But I wouldn’t, not yet, not until I had everyone’s attention. At the very end of all of the meals, nobody left the room until I got up to leave. It was a signal of respect, just like the tradition of the men not having their way with their toys until I did mine. In prison, shit like this mattered. There was little else that did, so these traditions were important to us. 

We were done eating and everyone was waiting to be dismissed. Eren's eyes were burning hot holes in the back of my shirt. Finally, I pushed away my tray and I stood, but I didn’t walk to the door as usual. I walked over to the table of orange jumpsuits, where blonde and timid Vince sat across from Eren, who had publicly decided he wasn't apart of our little clique anymore. Everyone looked at me, watched me, but I only kept my eyes locked with Eren's as I grabbed Vince by the jaw and kissed him forcefully. 

Vince trembled, but remained entirely still. I pulled away, a string of saliva connecting our lips, and Eren watched, jaw locking into place. I wiped my mouth slowly, ruffled poor, terrified Vince's hair, and turned my back to the table and the room entirely. 

It was a simple, but effective gesture. My intentions were obvious. My choice was clear. I no longer wanted Eren, and Eren no longer had any protection.  He was free for the taking.


	4. Go to hell. Rot. Fuck you.

At free time, the men would not leave Eren alone. And by that, I mean everyone. The gangs specifically adored him, hollering at him, making obscene gestures in his face. The Latinos cat-called him in Spanish, the several black gangs kept grabbing his ass as he walked past them, making crude remarks, and calling him things like “twinky”. I couldn't help but laugh every time I heard that one. The men were acting like complete animals. And Eren fucking deserved it, in my eyes.

It wasn't that I hated him. It wasn't that I got off on knowing that he was fearing for his life. Prison makes reality seem warped; shit that used to matter didn't anymore, and things that never mattered did now. I felt sorry for Eren. I didn't know what he had done to get himself thrown in here, if he had done anything at all, but my sympathies could only extend so far. If I wanted to sit here and feel sorry for every undeserving person in this place, it would take years. As much as I realized that Eren was naive and inexperienced, I had to draw a line somewhere. I couldn't coddle him like he was a toddler. I had done more for him that I had ever done for anyone in this place, and what that implied was something that I didn't want to consider.

Thus, I merely watched as men didn’t even  _ try  _ to abstain themselves. At one point, a guard had to take Eren away. He was causing too much of a commotion, fights had even erupted over him and he had to sit there and be subject to it all. For his own safety, he was removed. I didn't know where he was taken, but wherever it was, he was safer there than out in the general population. I felt a sense of relief knowing he was out of the hands of the men, but I wasn't sure if he had learned his lesson. So, I went to the guards and I demanded that Eren not be protected from the men anymore unless it was absolutely necessary. He was once again released into the general population the next day. 

This chaos went on for three days. And every night, Eren would go to bed without a word, acting as nothing had happened at all. Bruises began to appear and grow, and eventually, he was crying himself to sleep.

On day four, I walked down the hallway that led to my cell. Dinner was done and Eren hadn't been in the cafeteria. My men heckled me endlessly about 'what the fuck was going on', but I didn't want to explain myself. They didn't have a right to my personal business. I told them to feel free to help themselves to Eren as much as everyone else, but they all looked at me wearily and went back to eating their food. Their approval meant nothing to me. I did what I had to do, whether or not they thought it was right or wrong. It wasn't their place to tell me I went too far. Eren chose this, not me, so it was his own fucking fault. 

After dinner, Eren was in our cell. I figured he had been there for a majority of the day, skipping out and playing hooky on group therapy and rec. When I walked in, he was touching his collarbone with his fingertips, face contorting as he winced afterward. This was the first time in four days that we were in the same room, same time, with both of us awake. His eyes flickered to my shoes in acknowledgment of my presence, but he refrained from looking me in my face. I didn't mistake the look of frustration that he was wearing. 

I shut the door. “So, how was your day?” My voice was sickly sweet, like a loving spouse coming home after a long day at work.

“Someone slid a knife over my collarbone and cut it. Collarbone fetish, I guess,” He said, his voice hoarse and low as he poked and prodded at the cut. It was nothing serious, but probably his first knife incident. It wouldn't be his last, I suspected. Not if he continued on like this. 

I took to my bed and laid back against my pillow, arms behind my head, my eyes shutting in contentment. “Vince is a good kisser,” I told him, although there was no way for me to actually know. I was only trying to get a reaction. I’d only kissed Vince once, and he didn’t even kiss back, but Eren didn't need to know that. I wasn't exactly sure why I was provoking conversation, anyway. My job was done here.

“Levi--”

“No, really, he is. You know, I tried to tell you, I really did. I tried to tell you how it would be,” I said. There was a long, pregnant pause as my eyes opened and glued themselves to Eren's, who stared back with fervor and sadness all at the same time. It made me want to make him cry. "Go to hell. Rot. Fuck you."

“Levi…” Eren sighed, looking away.

I shook my head, not finished just yet. Eren was going to hear a piece of my fucking mind, whether he wanted to or not. I was sitting up now, my voice starting off as sarcastic and sweet, but ending in anger and spite. “If you’d done what I suggested in  acquiescence, none of this wouldn’t have happened. How did it feel? Getting your ass grabbed at every corner, being called a slut and a whore, being asked how you like to be fucked?" I waited. Eren said nothing, eyes beginning to fill to the brim with those crybaby tears. "How did that make you fucking  _ feel _ ? Tell me, Eren, because I want to know.”

Eren turned away from me. It was dead silent, and then a hand reached up to his face. I had to take a moment to calm myself and still my heartbeat before I committed aggravated homicide. Gritting my teeth, I dug my nails into my palms until I nearly bled. “Are you fucking crying again?”

“I miss my sister.”

_Well, fuck, Eren._ I refrained from responding immediately. There was no more explaining needed, I figured, as I was now sure that Eren understood the gravity of the situation. He didn't need to be lectured any further and anything else I said was only going to tear him apart. A moment passed of Eren trying not to sob, and me trying to remember how to be compassionate. Finally, I said, "I'm the only one who can fix this."

He let out a small whimper like I had kicked him when he was already down. “I know.” 

“Would you like me to?”

Eren's bed creaked as he got up, eyes red and puffy from crying. He said nothing, gave no answer. Tears stained his cheeks no matter how roughly he rubbed at them with his sleeves. I watched in silence as he approached, first sitting cautiously on my bed, and then finally lying back against the frame, curling into himself. I was frozen and considered cursing at him, maybe throwing him to the floor, but I didn't. He didn’t touch me, and there was a good couple inches between us. There wasn’t anything intimate about the situation, with him hiding his face in his knees and myself lying on my back. I didn't need a verbal answer. This was his answer. This was him complying.

I laid back once more, turning so that our backs were to each other. Eventually, I fell asleep to the sound of Eren sobbing.

-

The next morning, I woke up without the help of a guard, but not without the help of Eren. It was impossible to sleep with an overgrown toddler hogging the blankets, which weren't even fucking his, and trembling like a little leaf in the wind. He was completely under the blanket, head and all, and he was curled into a ball. He wasn't touching me, but he was making small whining noises in his sleep like a kitten. I laid there in my glorious partial consciousness, listening to these noises, before I forced myself to do something. It was dreadful, like trying to sleep next to a dying animal. I yanked the blanket away from his face, hoping he was breathing, at least. It can't look like I smothered him or something. The noises paused but they started up again after a couple minutes.

I sighed, agitated. He was probably having a nightmare. I had them all the time when I first came here, but once your life starts _becoming_ your nightmares, they stop bothering you so much. I watched his hand go over his face and cup his hand around his nose and mouth, like a mask.

"Hey, brat," I said, propping myself up on one elbow. He didn't respond and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my skull. When did I become a fucking housewife? "It's time to wake up, like, now."

This was becoming a bother. I knew that if I wanted to protect Eren, and if he would fucking let me, I would have to mark him, somehow, today. But I was deciding against that decision quickly, as he was becoming more and more of a nuisance. While this thought passed through my mind, while I was distracted, Eren's other hand dropped haphazardly on my abdomen. 

I plain didn't fucking know how to react. My eyes, wide as the moon, stared at the offending hand like it was a piece of hot coal against my skin. He was asleep, and I knew he wasn't faking it, either. Could I get angry at him for something he did in his sleep? Probably. Was it a definite disregard of personal space and dangerously comfortable action? Oh yeah, for sure. To my luck, though, before I could think of a way to react that didn't involve being sent to solitary, Eren jumped when the guard banged on the door. 

"You're up, finally," I sighed, basically in relief. "Fucking took you long enough."

"Sorry," He murmured, rolling onto his other side and placing his bare feet on the ground. His eyes were still puffy and his hair was a goddamn mess.

I got up and changed out of my t-shirt and sweatpants. Eren had yet to move from his spot sitting on the edge of my bed, mindlessly watching as I put my blue uniform on (it wasn't a jumpsuit, it wasn't connected). "Enjoying the show?" I asked, and then got the Sharpie marker off the nightstand. Eren gave me an odd look, but then relaxed, looking at me like he… trusted me, or some shit.

Fucking weirdo.

"Hands," I demanded in a deadpan. He gave them to me slowly and I yanked him closer, nearly ripping his arms out of the socket.

When I was finished with my artistic masterpiece, Eren had ' _ LEVI'  _ on the back of one hand and  _ 'ACKERMAN'  _ on the other. It wasn't a tattoo, but it would have to do for now. We could get that arranged later.

"You're not to put your hands in your pockets or hide them in any way. People need to see them if you want this to go correctly." I instructed clearly, and he nodded, staring down at his hands and inspecting them. I wondered what had made him change his mind, after all. Had it all just become too much? Did he realize the consequences of his actions?

I left the room first, heading to the cafeteria. Eren would join me soon enough. I embedded myself between Jean and Connie in the food line, grabbing a white tray and sitting it on the counter. Jean looked at me curiously, a smirk playing at his lips. Oh, here we go. It was too early for this shit. 

"Hey, Levi. No Vince with you today?" Jean asked me, coyly, suggesting the absolute most. I had had Vince following me like a puppy for the past four days, though, so his question wasn't unwarranted. 

I shook my head, clearing my throat, waving my hand like it was irrelevant. It really was. "That was all a hoax. Eren needed to be woken up from his fantasy world. He thought he could get away with being ' _ independent _ ', so I showed him what independence really meant for a hot piece of ass like him. Would you give me some fucking salt?"

Connie snorted and Jean thrust the salt into my hand. "I can't fucking keep up," he bitched.

"He's looking around for you," Connie told me, moving down the line. His head jerked back in the direction of the entrance to the cafeteria. I glanced over and saw Eren, standing in a sea of people, and sure enough, he was searching around like a kid lost at Disneyland.

I watched him closely, like an experiment. He had his thumbs hooked on the pockets of his pants, backs of his hands showing to the world. He stood next to Marco, who, I noticed, had "JK" tattooed on his upper side of his wrist. I applauded Jean's quick action. Nobody in the room was approaching Eren. Actually, they all ignored his existence, practically. It was a stark contrast to the events of the last four days when he couldn't leave the cell without getting groped.

Eren seemed dazed at that. Confused that it had been so easy. Then, he spotted me and slowly approached, looking unsure of himself. I wasn't going to stop him from hanging around me. If anything, it's the least I can do. I marked him, assaulted him, and sent him to the infirmary twice. Might as well let him sit with us. 

Eren came over and stood close to my side, but slightly behind me. I almost smiled at how proud I was of the good job he was doing. You can teach a new dog old tricks after all.

"Worked, didn't it?" I asked rhetorically, making him flush and look away. He was feeling whiny today, it seemed, as a frown came over his face and he wrapped his arms around himself.

"Hush," he hissed under his breath. I grinned.

We got our trays and sat at the usual table, Eren sticking to my side like he was glued there. He sat next to me, of course, making Jean have to scoot over one chair. Jean muttered something about making room for my wife. It was funny, though, because Eren seemed to grow embarrassed at the comment.

We ate, and Eren was silent, only talking when he was spoken to. Any guy in there would appreciate a quiet, submissive kid like Eren. I thought I would. But this was just ridiculous. Fifteen minutes went by with Eren acting like a Stepford Wife Robot, barely eating, barely speaking, only doing what I told him to do. I cursed, dropping my fork onto my tray with a clatter. Why was this so annoying to me? It was horrible when he wouldn't shut up, but this was even  _ worse. _

I turned my entire body to face him. "Why aren't you talkative?" I asked him, under my breath, looking at him with raised eyebrows despite the fact that I didn't have any real reason to be mad. This was just draining.

"I-I... I thought..." Eren mumbled, cheeks red, eyes averted. "It's good to be quiet."

We weren’t talking loud enough for the rest of the table to hear. I leaned back in my chair and watched him quietly. I did that a lot-- just watched, trying to see what he was thinking, wondering what to do. I considered a lot of things when I looked at him. I considered what brings him to his decisions to do things, what goes through his mind. I look him over and note his reactions. It’s not weird. With Eren, you sort of had to; he was an open book, but it was a book with pages missing, alternate endings, and interactive choices. Anything, everything I did affected his mood. I had to play him like a game of chess.

“It’s good to be quiet in certain situations,” I told him. “Now is not one of them.”

Eren nodded slowly, seeming to understand. He tried leaning forward to the table, his elbows on it now, engaging himself more in the conversation. I stayed back, keeping myself  _ out _ of the conversation. Marco started to talk Eren and Eren’s shoulders visibly relaxed. He was tense when he was around me, therefore it was probably best I stayed out of the way. If I tried to include myself, Eren would close up like a clam. I wanted him to have a sort of social life. There wasn't much to do in prison besides talk. 

I ate, and Eren and I didn’t speak after he began to talk to Marco. He’d taken a liking to Jean’s cellmate, and I didn’t blame him. Marco was sweet and easy to get along with. They were still talking when I stood up and took my tray to the trash can, leaving it on the top. I turned to the door and the guard standing there opened it, but before I could leave, I felt something tug on my arm.

Eren was next to me, snatching my hand into his own. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact that everyone,  _ everyone _ , was staring. Time seemed to slow. All I could feel were a million eyes on me and Eren's warm palm against mine, so I panicked. He'd broken the rules, he did it again, he didn't know the fucking rules but everyone was watching. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair and he was going to have to pay for that, which was even more unfair.  _ What do I do? It looks like he grabbed  _ me. _ I can’t let that happen. _

So, I did the only thing I could think to do and grabbed him by the arm, twisting it back until he fell limp against my strength, letting out a cry of pain. Finally, I pushed him to the ground when his knees had buckled. Naturally, being the ungainly kid he is, he fell against the tile floors without grace. The room was silent. I couldn't look at him in his face.

I stepped over Eren’s body, walked to the door, and stood in the doorway. He’d begun to get up now and was on his knees, looking at me with just this pitiful, confused look on his face. It made me feel guilty for doing something I had to do. I stared him down for a couple of seconds, and he knew by my glare that this was not the time, nor the place. Then I stuck my hand out, but not invitingly. Demandingly.

“Come, Eren.” I barked. The room held its breath. This was better. When he grabs my hand by his own accord, I look submissive. He looks in charge. When I demand him to come to me, I’m in charge, and it’s obvious. He belongs to me, not the other way around. He was going to have to learn what was and wasn't okay, even if it meant a little tough love.

  
Eren stood up unsteadily, chewing his lip. I knew he wanted to lash out and say something but  _ he  _ knew that it was better that he didn’t, at least, not here. He could pout and bitch all he wanted when we got somewhere private. He walked gingerly over to me and he was trying so hard to still the trembling of both his fingers and his bottom lip. His hand slipped into mine, a disobedient look on his face. It didn't matter, though, because I weaved our fingers together, squeezing his hand enough to crush it, and we left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really feel like this chapter sucks a litttttle bit extra today. i am sorry if that is the case <3


	5. Trying to cop a feel in the library?

“What. Was. That.” I growled like a rabid animal, dragging him away from the cafeteria. He tripped over himself as I continued to pull on his arm, but I didn’t look at him still. I was taking him somewhere, I didn’t know where, but not the room. Down a different hallway. We wouldn't be able to get into the cell at this time of day.

“Why don’t you tell me?” He replied with far too much nerve, snatching his hand away from mine. We both stood still in the hallway, him clutching his abused wrist and me keeping my fingernails in my skin to soothe my anger. “I didn’t even do anything and you shoved me to the fucking floor. My arm hurts.”   
  
“Oh, sorry, princess. My bad,” I bit, exasperated. “Nobody is allowed to even get up from their seats until  _ I _ leave the room. And then you took your grubby little hand and grabbed me up like I was your fucking girlfriend.  _ Why the fuck did you do that? _ ”

Eren let out a huff. “Why not?”   
  
Oh, Jesus fuck. I was going to murder this kid. How was I supposed to avoid it at this point? “Dominance, Eren, it’s all about fucking dominance. You can’t take my hand, but I can take yours. You can't mark me, but I can mark you. It might not make any fucking sense to you but its the way things are, and you're going to have to learn your lesson eventually.”   
  
“Oh really? And until then, you’re just going to kick me around?”   
  
I gave a small shrug. "Yes."

Eren didn’t say anything after that, face contorting in a stubborn act of subtle disobedience. So, I started walking, motioning for him to follow. Begrudgingly, he did, at a fair distance away. I didn’t know where we were going for sure, I just had to get away, but eventually, I found us at the library, somewhere I rarely visited. I looked to Eren and he was looking curiously back at me, arms crossed over his chest still. I held the door open for him and he stepped inside cautiously.

“Eren. This is the library.”

“Okay,  _ and _ ?”

I sent him a glare of warning and he retreated.

“Well, smartass, I figured that this might be a place you would  _ enjoy, _ " I said, taking a glance around the small and under-stocked room. It was dusty, smelled like old books, and probably as big as the cafeteria. There were more books than you would think, but the latest one was probably published in 1996. I needed somewhere where Eren could go where he would be out of my hair but simultaneously out of trouble. Hopefully, this would do the trick.

You see, I had been pretty distracted lately.

I didn't really notice until the guys brought it up. But it was true, I had been neglecting my duties as top-dog, which were surprisingly mundane but still important. While Erwin and the rest of the shitty staff took care of major systematic issues, I had to create an atmosphere of respect and order within the prison. This was the deal I had with the administration. They trusted me and my leadership abilities, and in turn for my good work, I got certain perks. But I had been a little, er, out of commission as of late. Shit was starting to slide past me. People were feuding and supply was getting in faster than usual as my attention had been redirected to some stupidly naive child that I had to babysit. If I was going to get back to my more pressing work, I needed to feel like Eren would stay out of trouble without my intervention. This involved making him get closer to level-headed people like Marco and demanding that he spent time in areas of the prison where he was unlikely to be troublesome.

“Worried about my entertainment now?” Eren mocked, but he pranced around the library like a kid in a candy store, leaving my side and wandering. He began looking at all of the shelves, his tall ass having an advantage; I couldn't reach the top shelves if I tried. I sat by myself on a couch, pulling out a cigarette. While he was busy and far away, I could hopefully fucking smoke. After all, I couldn’t concentrate. It was weird; I only concentrate when I smoke, and I hadn't been smoking, and I hadn’t sat down just to rest without lighting a cigarette in so long, years, and my mind was everywhere. Bouncing off the walls, of the stupid library. Speaking of libraries, I couldn't read a book because it took too much concentration. I really needed a fucking cigarette, if Eren would just stay over there for a minute. I was trying to light the damn cigarette but my fucking hand was trembling, and I didn't know why. I felt like shit. I had so much shit to worry about, Eren and my job and my lawyer and my dread of living. And what if Eren wanted to sit by me, but then he couldn't because I was smoking? Fuck. I needed to put the cigarette down, I couldn't smoke it, well actually I could, but I couldn't because Eren has asthma. But then again I shouldn’t care, I _didn't_ care, I don’t--

_ CRASH _ **_._ **

The cigarette slipped from between my fingers and fell onto the floor. I felt my heart skip a beat, having been snapped out of my partial mental breakdown. My head shot in the direction of the noise, body frozen.

“Shit, Levi! I knocked over a bookcase.”

I blinked. I felt like gasping for breath that I had been holding, but I couldn't figure out why. Eren had knocked over a bookcase, of course, that’s what it was.  _ Just a bookcase, Levi. It was only a bookcase. But why did it sound so much like a--- _

"What do I do? It was an accident,” Eren asked, waddling over to where I was sitting, eyes wide and a look on his face like a lost duckling. I stared at him, in his orange jumpsuit and with his big emerald eyes, his words not even registering for a while. Then I shook my head lightly, waving my hand somewhere in the general area around the chair next to mine.

“Just…” I said, taking a deep breath. Exhale. I guess I wasn't smoking after all. “Sit. Someone else can get it.” 

Eren obeyed and sat in the chair next to me. He saw the cigarette on the floor and went to retrieve it, but I swatted at him and got it myself. I set it on the table next to me, now noticing that Eren had a book in his hands. We sat silently there, myself trying to stop my heart from racing, Eren looking at the floor all guilty like. Eventually, he cracked open the book and stuck his nose in it, apparently very interested in literature out of the blue. I was just satisfied that he was quiet, which was a relief. He was always either awkwardly silent or running his mouth. This was a more peaceful quiet. Calm.

After regaining my mental stability, I got bored really, really quickly. Like I said, my ability to just sit still and meditate on life was not very fucking keen. My leg was bouncing. I wondered if I had ADHD. It was such a task to fucking sit like this, I didn't know how people did it. It was almost like solitary. I sighed, but Eren didn’t hear it, or he ignored it. I slumped down in my seat, letting my black hair hang over my eyes. Tapped my fingers on the table. Fiddled with my fucking fingernails. He still didn’t pay even a glance to me, the stupid shithead. What did a guy have to do to get some attention around this joint? At this point, I was curious, wondering what he would let me get away with in the empty library. I was always testing limits with Eren because he had so many, yet he let me break them nearly all. I wondered when he would draw the line, and I was so agonizingly bored. So, I sat back up, and slid my hand over to his chair, onto his thigh, resting it there. Eren said nothing. So I slid it up, further and further until--

“Trying to cop a feel in the library?” He asked me, plainly,  _ but he didn’t even move my hand. _

He sat there, the book in his face, concentrated expression, not bothering to smack my hand away or anything. I raised both of my eyebrows in shock.  _ Well, it seems that today is just full of surprises, isn’t it? _

I slid my hand back down a bit, just to his upper thigh. I felt his muscles clench but he squirmed and they relaxed. That was a good reaction, enough to make the edges of my mouth curl into a seedy grin, but I decided to stop fucking with him because if I did anything more I'd be sporting a hard-on. It was quiet after that— him reading and myself just staying silent, not wanting to disturb him, but not being able to keep my hand to myself.

We would have to leave soon, in about ten minutes, but I didn't care. I'd let him take the book and he could read it in the cell for all I cared. I looked over at him and watched his eyes moving over the page, back and forth, his eyebrows coming together in confusion. 

"I don't understand half of these words." He murmured, tilting his head to the side. It was fucking gooey and disgusting the way he looked when he was confused. 

I sighed, clicking my tongue, and then snatched the book from his hands and took a quick glance at the pages. Eren leaned over my shoulder, his face close to mine, eyes trained on the pages as well. "Naturally." I scoffed. "A lot of this is in French." 

"French?" Eren blinked. "I guess I'll find a different book then."

"No," I said, making him look at me and go still. What was I doing? God, I was such a pain in my own ass. This was going to be a mistake, another reason for Eren to bother me. "I can translate anything you don't know."

Eren was staring at me now and looked even  _ more _ confused and maybe a bit shocked. "You know French?" He blurted, a stupid expression coming over his face. I nodded dismissively and tossed the book back into his lap. He was looking at me still but now expectantly, as though I owed him a fucking storytime.

(I gave him one anyway.)

"My parents were from France. I was born there— moved here when I was three," I said if only to break the silence. The previous silence had been comfortable and now it wasn't, and I didn't like it. Eren was thinking, thinking about me and my past, and not saying anything. That made me anxious, I didn't know why. What was he thinking? Why was he taking so long to respond? What if he was thinking the wrong shit, had the wrong idea?

Finally, his lips parted, and he asked, "Were?"

I was truly taken aback. I hadn't even realized that I'd said "were". I searched my memories, trying to think of the last person that I had told that my parents are dead. Erwin? The counselor? I didn't know. God, I needed a fucking cigarette. I was just oversharing left and right.

"Yes," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Were." 

Eren was quiet again. I had my hand back to my side, away from him, and I hadn't even noticed that I'd moved it away. Eren sat with the book clutched to his chest, looking at his lap with that same focused and perplexed expression that he'd held moments before. Finally, I stood, walking away from the chairs and towards the doors. Eren hadn't followed me— probably didn't know if he was supposed to, or hadn't noticed I'd even moved— so I turned and motioned him towards myself. 

"Come on," I called. He did as told. "Enough sappy emo shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boring filler chapter today. love y'all tho


	6. We all know how things play out in Erwin's office

Rain poured like nobody's business, drumming on the roof and making our already-piss-poor view from the rec room windows even shittier. The guys and I, and Eren, were sitting a round table with a couple decks of cards and nowhere to be. Earlier, I had had to take care of some business concerning two men feuding over which gang got the TV room at which time. Truthfully, my work was important, but some of the shit I dealt with felt a lot like babysitting. 

I stayed out of the game of poker, sitting back in my chair which was pushed away from the table. Jean sat to one side of me, feet up on the table until I barked at him to 'quit doing that shit', and Eren on the other side of me with cards in his hand, losing all my goddamn cigarettes. 

“Pretty weather we're having today, huh?" Jean muttered in distate, throwing a glare to the window like he could threaten Mother Nature to stop her bullshit. I snorted in response, Connie beginning to tell some story we've all heard about his time in Afghanistan when it rained for however many days straight. 

Bored and on edge now, I pulled out a cigarette and my lighter. In reply to the stupid ass look of confusion Eren threw my way, I took my boot and pushed the edge of his chair further away from me. It was raining, like hell I was gonna go out there and try to smoke. I'd make it quick. After all, you might've forgotten, but I make the damn rules. 

I lit the cigarette and breathed it in, relief washing over my body like a shower of contentment. Jean played his hand and then asked, "So Levi, how was the trip to the library yesterday? Eren doesn't seem too sore."

A few of the guys chuckled but what I paid attention to was how red the very tips of Eren's ears grew. Ashing my cigarette, I scoffed, "Well, Jean, Eren's a big boy. Who knows if the roles aren't reversed?"

Now, Eren was coughing. I wasn't sure if it was because of the smoke or the embarrassment, but his cheeks were pink and he was sputtering 'that's not true', but the rest of the men howled with laughter and even I found myself chuckling. 

"After all," Jean said with a short shrug, taking a drink of the water he had on the table. "We all know how things play out in Erwin's office."

Nobody spoke. Really, nobody breathed. Gunther, Connie, and Eld looked between Jean and me, and Eren kept his eyes trained on the floor. I wasn't sure what the appropriate response to that statement was. Should I get pissed, tell Jean he crossed a fucking line and put him in his place? Should I laugh it off, because really, my men know what goes on between Erwin and I. They're not stupid and they use those brains of theirs from time to time. Then there was the matter of Eren, who had frozen, and I could hear the gears in his brain churning out thoughts a mile per second. 

Taking a drag of my cigarette, I licked my teeth and pursed my lips. Jean was looking at me now, waiting for a reaction, nerves settling on his face. He knew he had gone too far. I knew it, everyone at the table knew it, and I began with, "You know, you never did understand when to keep that horse's-ass mouth of yours shut--"

Suddenly, Eren burst out again in coughs, and I trained my eyes on him in shock from the sudden noise. He was doubled over and nearly heaving, trying to suck in desperate breaths in between the wet hacks he produced from his throat. I wondered where this was all coming from until I saw that I had, in my anger, thrown down my cigarette on the floor near Eren's chair and stomped on it. Smoke created a pretty ring around Eren's head, and I grumbled something about Jesus Christ and wanting to kill myself. 

"Does he need help?" asked Marco innocently, concern in his eyes, but I was already up and moving, pulling Eren from his chair by the front of his shirt. 

"I got it," I said stubbornly, the corners of my mouth tugging into a frown more-so when Eren tried to cough out apologies. I took Eren away from the table and through the doors that led to a little screened-in balcony area where inmates could smoke. I should have just come out here in the first place, or should I have? Why was I feeling guilty, or obligated to change the way I did things, all for a kid who knew nothing and provided me with nothing? 

Eren slumped against the brick wall of the outside, hand going to cover his chest as he took deep breaths. I watched, aggravated. It was cold, windy, and the rain was blowing in, but that wasn't what upset me. It was Jean's comment, the way Eren had reacted to it like a kicked puppy, and the fact that I wished I had Eren's inhaler on me. 

He looked at me with bleary green eyes, apologetic, back against the wall and hair strewed. "I'm sorry," he said again, voice a touch hoarser than before. "Really, I tried to stop it--"

"Shut up," was all I could think to say. Eren's mouth formed a thin line and I leaned my back against the wall next to him, both of us facing the view of the rain. "Are you okay now?"

Eren seemed to blank, not knowing how to reply. I watched in my peripheral vision as his mouth opened and closed again, eyebrows furrowing in the middle. "I- yeah, I'm fine, I mean..."

In this silence now, I felt like I owed him something. It was weird because I didn't owe Eren anything, but I always felt like there was something more I could do for him. I searched for the words but found nothing of value, so I settled on, "It's hard. Not smoking."

Eren's face seemed to deflate. He scratched the back of his ear absently and murmured, "I know."

It wasn't the right thing to say. He didn't seem happy. Little coughs continued to escape his lips, he cleared his throat a few times, and I dug my fingernails into my arms. I could deal with angry Eren, crying Eren, but the Eren that really got under my skin was disappointed Eren. When he had that stupid look on his face like he had been expecting more of me, like he was wanting something I didn't deliver on, like he was hoping for an outcome I hadn't provided. His eyes softened and saddened at the same time, his eyebrows dropped into a concerned look, and one side of his mouth shifted into a sort of unsatisfaction. 

"Jean..." Eren began out of nowhere, startling me out of a trance. I had forgotten all about Jean's comment at the moment, and now I felt myself frowning again. "He… they know about Erwin?"

I shifted on my feet, which I was now peering down at with tension in my face. "Yeah, they're able to figure that shit out on their own."

"Do you love him?"

I felt the words before I heard them, felt the way my fingers tensed against my arms and felt a blast of cold shoot through my body like a breeze. When I looked at Eren, my own eyes wide at both his boldness and the words, he was looking at me with an unreadable expression. A look of waiting. I couldn't tell what he wanted me to answer, and I really had no clue as to what I myself wanted to answer. I wanted to reprimand him for asking about shit that didn't concern him, for butting into my business with fantasy bullshit. But now was not the time. Not with the way he was vulnerable in this moment. 

"No," I answered firmly. No part of me had ever loved Erwin. No part of me ever would. Maybe at a time when I was young and fresh and needing stability, I might've thought I loved Erwin, but the truth of the matter was that our relationship was business and business only. I couldn't help but look at Eren, in his youth, his fire, and his sponteanity, and think only about how much he was nothing like Erwin at all. "Don't ask me shit like that."

Eren's face relaxed just slightly, corners of his eyes wrinkling like he wanted to say something else. But he didn't, instead turning to look at the rain again.

"When we get back to the cell," I said, pushing off of the wall. Eren watched as I headed to the door. "We'll look at your book. Just until I get annoyed with it and tell you to fuck off, though."

Eren pulled a smile, a short laugh, and a small nod. He followed shortly behind me into the rec room again and I finally felt like I had done something right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are so short but its just how the cookie crumbles yall i apologize


	7. Just shut up and play with my fucking hair

I kept my "promise", as Eren called it, once we got back to the cell. The stupid book he had taken from the library really wasn't my issue, but if helping him decipher it kept him from being pissed at me, so be it. Eren had talked my ear off the entire walk back, his hands moving in the air as he described some story to me, but with my eyes focused solely on where we were headed, I didn't hear much of the detail. 

I found myself going over to sit on Eren's bed, curiously, as he continued to talk. "-- and he talked to me all the time, but I never understood a word he was saying."

He paused, and my eyes flicked to his, as I had been caught. I hadn't been listening, and he had his hands on his hips like an angry housewife. "What?" I asked, his eyes squared on me in a squint.

"I don't feel like you listen to me very often."

"Well, you would probably be correct," I said, crossing my arms and leaning back against the wall behind me. A small huff of air escaped Eren's lips and he dropped the topic, resorting to grabbing the book from where he kept it under his pillow and settling down next to me, legs folded like a child.

Clearing his throat, Eren thrust the book in my hands, and then his own hands went underneath his thighs in a flash. I took it with a raise of my eyebrow then opened the book to page one, finding it hard to concentrate on anything at all, especially with Eren's body heat radiating onto me like a damn fireplace. He had this comically quizzical look on his face, peering at the words on the page in such deep focus that I envied his ability to find interest in such mundane things. What was into me, anyway? Why did I feel nervous, jittery, as though I'd just downed four Red Bulls and needed to do a lap around the prison?

"What does that say?" asked Eren, now, finger-pointing now to the very first line on the page, and I had to shake my head a little to clear my thoughts. It had been a while, obviously, since I had had to use French. It was my first language, but clearly, that did me no good in a place like Stohess. Maybe on the streets, maybe back in Paris. But here, I was out of practice. 

My eyes glanced at the words and I had to reach into the furthest file cabinet in my brain, scratching my chin aimlessly. " _ Nuits n'ont jamais été plus sombre',  _ which means... 'Nights have never been darker'," I said, watching the way his eyes lit up and softened at the corners, and the center of his lips parted as he listened intently. It was stupid, really, how he hung onto my every word. I told myself it was only for the French lesson but I wasn't sure if I believed that truly. 

Pushing the edge of the book toward him, I motioned. "Next part is in English. You read it."

And Eren did, silently, mouthing along with every word, and I had to really fight myself to not imagine those lips somewhere else. But then I had to wonder why I was fighting myself at all; what did it matter if I wanted what I rightfully deserved? Who was to stop me from closing the book and demanding a blowjob? As for the fact, I knew Eren himself would probably go along with it willingly. He was so anxious to please, so wanting for acceptance. Sure, he resisted at times, putting up a fight and demanded equal treatment. But never did I actually consider him an equal. As long as he felt like we were on the same level, he would willingly do whatever I asked. I had learned how to play him in that aspect. And the moment I praised him in any form, he gleamed like the goddamn morning sun. Was he like this in every aspect of life or was it just with me? And why was he so fucking warm right now?

"French again," he said, and I blinked. With a deep breath, I crinkled my nose and rubbed at my temples, feeling suddenly exhausted. 

"Read it aloud. At least try to," I replied, no desire to look at the jumbled black lines with my dreary eyes. Just seeing the words on the page would give me a headache, I knew. It was late, but there was no reason for my tiredness (nor my simultaneous restlessness). I wanted to go over to my bed and collapse, demanding that he stay far away, but at the same time I felt like there was nowhere I'd rather be than his bed, my head burrowed in his lap, his fingers in my hair. Which, mind you, was entirely outside of my comfort zone, and far beyond my capabilities of sentimental emotion. It was just that Eren had this inviting feeling, anyone who met him could vouch for that. If I couldn't beat his innocence out of him, then by God I would try to protect it. 

It was the weirdest fucking feeling. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

Eren shifted uncomfortably next to me, face hot with embarrassment before he had even given it a shot. I felt the corners of my mouth pull as I snorted out a laugh, earning myself a signature Eren glare. Then, with clumsy bravery, he attempted, "Uh, jowers... nont jamies et ow...sy promitter."

I couldn't keep it in, I had to laugh at that shit. It was like he took the French language and put it through a meat grinder, spewing out whatever mess came out on the other side. I felt him hit my arm and reprimand me for my laughter but it was impossible to stop myself. "Oh shit, Eren, that was worse than I even fucking imagined," I said, but he looked like he was closer and closer to shutting the book and telling me to fuck off, with his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face, so I pulled myself together. "' _ Jours n'ont jamais été aussi prometteur.'  _ That means, 'Days have never been brighter.'" 

He gave a curt nod, taking notes on the margins of the book with a pencil, arm brushing (excruciatingly) against my own, and I could tell he was still unhappy with me. He had his lips pursed, nearly pouting, and _what the fuck kind of look was that?_ I had several questions for myself in that moment. For one, why was I practically dying for him to make some sort of move? Sure, it was natural to want some humanly fucking affection and skin-to-skin contact in prison, but Eren wasn't crawling into my lap like a kitten, and I felt like a giant-ass baby for wanting to do exactly that. Then again, it didn't matter, really, because who the fuck was Eren? What did I care if Eren saw me as a needy child for one minute of my fucking life? Didn't I deserve a goddamn break, didn't I deserve Eren?

The answer was no. Someone like me would never deserve someone like Eren. 

Still, I picked up the book and held it to Eren, who looked at me with that confused and startled look he was nearly always wearing. Then I laid back, pushing my way into his presence, putting my head in his lap and closing my eyes before I could even see the dumbass look on his face. I knew it would be somewhere between afraid and surprised, but I really just didn't have the energy to deal with the aftershock of yet another boundary being broken, so I just shifted until I was comfortable and said, "Keep reading. I won't fuck with you."

But Eren didn't, of course. He set the book to his side and when my eyes peeled open again, he was staring directly at my face, hands on the bed next to him, looking unsure of what to do. 

"You can touch me, you know," I said, hearing myself scoff, feeling scrutinized. I remembered just weeks ago I was demanding he keep his hands to himself and never even look me in the eye. It was funny how things change. "I'm not a priceless painting, or a fucking bomb waiting to go off."

"I don't know, Levi," Eren responded, more quickly than I expected, eyes firm and focused on my own. His arm twitched. "I can't ever tell what's right and wrong with you."

"Well, I'm telling you--"

"When did this become okay?" asked Eren now, cutting me off and making my lips form a thin line in reaction. I knew what he was talking about; the touching, the small tokens of appreciation, the gestures like this fucking reading session. The way he smarted off, back-talked, and disrespected. While none of it went on in public, it had been happening increasingly in private, and I hadn't taken a moment to consider the consequences. What was the truth? Was I getting worn down, was I pretending that we weren't in the situation we were in? It was hard to talk to yourself in prison. You'd think with all the solitary time that you'd come to find it easy to have conversations with yourself. But I wasn't sure who I was in Stohess. Aside from the role I held as "top-dog", besides my reputation and the mundane everyday life I led, who was I? Aside from the business that I still ran through partnerships on the outside, besides my only distant cousin who never came to visit, what did I care about? Was it okay to care about _anything_ at all in prison, when it could be ripped out of your hands in a blink?

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and said, "Just shut up and play with my fucking hair."

And he did. Leaning back on one arm with a sigh, he used his free hand to twirl strands of my black hair around his long, slender fingers, and as much as I wanted to let my eyes fall closed I held them open stubbornly. His tension hadn't left his body, not even close, he was just following orders. I wanted him to stop asking questions, to just let shit go where it went, but at the same time, I wanted him to be so comfortable that he felt like it was okay to communicate. Communication was vital between us if this mutually-beneficial relationship we had was going to benefit either of us. I wasn't his therapist, but how he was feeling directly affected me. I didn't like pent-up Eren, but I wasn't sure when I had come to like any Eren at all. 

"I don't know if--" Eren said, cutting through the silence, and his voice rang throughout the room. Then he cut himself off with a clearing of his throat. I waited. "I don't know if I'm allowed to… say the things I want to say, or do the things I want to do."

"That depends on what they are."

"I just, well," he swallowed and I could hear it, his hand stilling in my hair, fingertips on my scalp. "Sometimes, Levi, I think you hate me. Other times, I think you want me around. I wouldn't go as far as to say that you care about me, per-se--"

"Good," I said. I didn't know why I did it; maybe I was afraid of where this conversation was going. "Because I don't."

He tensed again. Nothing I had trained myself to do to handle uncomfortable situations my entire life could have prepared me for Eren. 

"Forget it, it makes no difference anyway," Eren quietly murmured now, going back to running his nails against my scalp gently, and I wondered if this was truly the outcome I had desired. "I want to tell you something, but I'll tell you later."

And I wasn't going to lie to the kid, to tell him that I gave a fuck and would consider his feelings all the time. That everything I did would always make sense, or that I would never hurt his feelings. It was like I was in this weird transitional zone, and what Eren didn't understand was that while he would probably get out of here within the next year or two, I would be stuck here until my parole hearing granted me any sort of relief from my sixty-year sentence. Eren had never asked about my sentence and I was glad he fucking hadn't; I knew that stupid, pitiful look of disappointment would wash over him and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. He had too much invested in me. He would get out, life would go back to normal, he would go back to his sister and that one friend he always went on about, and it would be over. Whatever crime he did, or didn't, commit would practically disappear over time. Prison would become a story he told nobody about, something that he hid, and eventually, something he forgot about. 

All the thinking I hadn't wanted to do since the new kids arrived wanted to suddenly flood me, it seemed. Thoughts of 22 year-old-me getting caught up in shit I had no business being it. The people who let me go down for it all alone. Jean, who got busted with me but had a shorter sentence. My cousin, who had stopped coming to see me, and she and Jean's kid. The life I had missed out on in the past ten years, and the practical isolated simulation I lived daily in Stohess. This wasn't living, it wasn't anything worth creating memories of. The only thing from Stohess worth remembering on my death bed would be--

I glanced up at Eren's face, soft and relaxed, eyelashes against his cheeks as I realized his hand had once again fallen still in my hair a long time ago. His chest rose and fell with deep breaths as he slept slumped against the wall.

Well, maybe living wasn't so bad these days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone. i had a bit of a vacation and now i've gone and gotten myself sick, but i'm alive. here's chapter 7!!!


	8. Just go have sex with your boyfriend, or whatever

The very next morning, I realized that Eren Jaeger had never even given me a blowjob. 

The most I had done with the kid was a maybe-heated makeout session with middle-school level touching. I had to really reason with myself as to  _ why _ I hadn't taken advantage of this golden opportunity in front of me, this kid who would do anything to be praised, and I also considered the last time I had visited Erwin and gotten any action at all.

Yeah, I couldn't blame this on the fact that I went to Erwin and had my needs taken care of already when I also hadn't gone to Erwin in weeks. 

We went to breakfast and then to free time, and I stood against the chain-link fence with a cigarette in my hand as the sun burned against my skin. It had been four weeks now since Eren and the rest of the new inmates arrived, and I was becoming more and more aware of how antsy everyone was growing. I hadn't fucked Eren. Really, at this point, I knew some people were overstepping the tradition and having their way with their chosen toys but others looked at me almost desperately when I walked past, and I needed to make a decision. That tradition itself was idiotic, I knew, but to keep everyone off my case, I had to do something about it. 

I had been partly protecting the other new inmates, too. A lot of them were young, naive, and probably straight, and I didn't want to unleash a fury onto them so soon into their transition to prison. I was a fair and equal leader, after all. 

Connie brought this up in conversation when he came over asked me to spot him a light. I did, and he thanked me, and then said, "I was asked to ask you how much longer. It's nearly February and nobody knows if you have any plans of--"

I ashed my cigarette and said, "You and I both know that some of these guys aren't waiting like they're supposed to, regardless."

"What are you going to do about it?" asked Connie now, curiously instead of accusatory. My eyes flickered over to where Eren stood talking to Marco.

"Something, if I have to," was my muttered reply. "I'll handle it right now, actually."

With little thought, I put out my cigarette under my shoe and walked away from Connie, toward Eren, as if on auto-pilot. Something had to be done, I figured. The tradition was a stupid one, not worth the fight, but my reputation and the respect that the men paid me didn't need to be questioned. And although they didn't deserve to question me like I knew they were doing, I had to address this situation. For Eren's sake, too, as he got the same amount (if not more) of the backlash that I got on a day-to-day basis.   
  
Eren's eyes met mine and our gazes remained locked until I was standing right in front of his face. Marco looked between us but stayed silent, even as I took Eren by the front of his shirt and heaved him up onto the top of a picnic table. I could see Eren's confusion but I had to ignore it for now.

"What are you doing?" he asked, alarmed, hands gripping my arms and eyes widened. 

"Just go with it," I murmured, giving him a sideways glance as I planted myself right next to him on the table, standing in the middle of the courtyard. Eyes were on us both now, the men around us whispering or waiting in anticipation for my next move. 

Clearing my throat, fully aware that I now had most everyone's attention, I began. "So, I think you gross motherfuckers would like me to address a certain... subject," I said, loud enough for my voice to reverberate across the concrete-floored area of the courtyard. A few murmurs and maybe a snicker or two greeted me in response, besides Eren's heavy breathing in my ear. I had him stand slightly behind me, one hand gripping his upper arm like he was a piece of meat on display. "There are a few traditions here at Stohess that keep us busy and keep those in power respected. One happens to be the subject of some conversation, lately, wouldn't you say?"

I looked around, spotting my own men sitting at a table not far from me, but also the hundreds of other pairs of eyes that followed me, aging from teenagers to the elderly, most of which held me in high regard. They were almost all nodding, shrugging, gestures of agreement being given. These people somehow listened to me, even the ones that disliked me and would rather give me a piece of their mind. They trusted me to keep them safe, to be a middle man between them and the administration, and to keep violence and turmoil out of our prison as best I could. And here I was giving a fucking speech about sex.

I let out a huff. I felt like an idiot, concerning myself with this shit at all. 

"I want you all to know that I am holding you to a standard of basic fucking humanity," I continued, gritting my teeth a little, unsure of how to phrase this. "I'm sure you've all been fucking dying to get your sick, perverted needs taken care of."

Many of the men hollered agreements or exchanged them amongst themselves. Some of the younger kids looked terrified. Eren looked completely lost, eyes scanning the side of my face, but I couldn't pay him any mind right now. 

"Well, I'm giving you all the green-light," I said finally. Everyone seemed to still, even the wind. "I appreciate your compliance, as always, and if I find out any one of you dirty motherfuckers is responsible for any of these new kids being sent to the infirmary, I'll deal with you myself. Personally."

Ah, fuck. Calling them 'kids' just sounded so uncomfortable when you were talking about them getting fucked. 

There. It was done. I stepped down from the table and let myself breathe a sigh of relief. I didn't have to fuck Eren in broad daylight, I didn't even have to directly say that I did anything to him at all. It was handled, and even as the cheering and hollering ensued as I left the area, I felt halfway decent about it. 

Eren, on the other hand, was immediately bombarded with questions, comments, and concerns. 

_ "Was Levi good to you, boy?" "Did he make you call him 'sir'"? "How'd you like it, son?" "Life must be good being Levi's little bitch."  _ The men were shouting at Eren, laughing and slapping each other on the back, just having a grand old time with themselves. They preyed on their 'pets', grabbing at them or whispering in their ear, and when I looked at Eren he had a mortified expression on his face. His ears were tinged red, his cheeks soon to follow, as he tried to avoid the eyes of every guy spitting comments and questions in his face. 

I put my hand on the small of his back and he flinched, which made an alarm go off in my head, but I directed him through the doors and back into the building, and although it was much earlier than we were supposed to be leaving, the guards let me through without complaint. Once we were in the hallway headed back to our cell, I dropped my hand from Eren's waist and let out a deep breath I had been holding in without realizing. 

At first, Eren said nothing. He walked beside me but kept his thoughtful eyes on the floor. Then, he scratched a spot on his arm and asked, "Why did you do that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You lied to them," Eren murmured, eyebrows furrowed, finally pulling his eyes from the ground to scan my face. "We haven't… well, you know. We haven't done anything at all."

"That might be true. But they don't need to know that," I answered curtly, putting my hands into my pockets. "They would just keep bothering me about it otherwise. Who gives a shit about a tradition like that, anyway. As long as you keep your mouth shut, we're fine."

"Levi," Eren said suddenly, clearer than before, before he swallowed and gave a little shake of his head. I could only imagine what he could be thinking in that moment. "Why… haven't you?"

My steps slowed, though we were nearly at the cell, and once I had made my way to the doorway I turned to look at him. It was impossible to know what he was asking me. Didn't he know the answer to that? Isn't this what he wanted? This was the easy way out, and if I did it for anyone, I did it for him. And he didn't seem grateful at all. Eren meant nothing to me but… Well, there shouldn't be a 'but' to that sentence at all. Two weeks ago, there wouldn't have been. I felt like someone had put my mind in a blender. 

"I don't get it," I said, hand on the edge of the entryway to the room. Eren stood before me, lips quirked into an almost frown. "I don't need to fuck you, Eren, I have other people for that. And clearly, you wouldn't want that, right?"

'Other people' meant Erwin, but everything I was saying was true. And yet, Eren's cheekbones grew pink and he looked stubbornly away from me, arms crossed now, eyes growing stormy within an instant. It made no fucking sense to me why he was upset. And, although my question had been rhetorical, I found myself waiting for an answer, which Eren never gave me. Suddenly, I was vastly unsure of things I had previously been certain on. Maybe I was able to gauge him a little less well than I thought I could. 

"I'm going to take a nap," Eren said, changing the subject. He pushed past me into the room and I turned over my shoulder to watch him kick off his shoes, rather like a tantrum, and lay down on his bed.

But I wasn't done. He was giving me too much attitude when I had done something he should have been grateful for. Unappreciative, that's what he was fucking being. So I stood in the doorway, peering at him until my stare turned into a glare, and I let out a disbelieving scoff. "What the fuck is it, Eren? What have I done wrong now?"

Eren was laying down, hands under his pillow, but his eyes remained shut. He still had that constipated look on his face and I just wanted to smack it off. "Nothing, Levi. Just go… have sex with your boyfriend, or whatever."

I really thought I was in a fucking gag show or some shit because there was no way I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. Eren Jaeger, piece-of-shit stubborn brat who had told me to go fuck myself only weeks ago, was  _ jealous _ ? He was sitting here, in front of my face, making dumbfuck remarks and getting pissed because I  _ wasn't  _ fucking him? Or was it that I was fucking Erwin, at all, ever? When did he turn into a goddamn twelve-year-old?

I pushed myself off the wall, my shock apparent on my face. I was glad he had his eyes screwed shut still, as I didn't want him seeing that he had totally and completely caught me off guard. "You're kidding, right?" I asked, my voice uneven and unsteady, nearing the point of laughter. Eren said nothing, only seeming to wince even in his sleep, and I shook my head. "No, really. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Who do you think you are?"

Finally, Eren peeled his eyes open again. He stayed glued to the bed, chest rising and falling with nervously deep breaths, looking at the corner of the room. I stood there in silent disbelief for a few moments, arms crossed over my chest, before I barked, "We aren't fucking  _ dating _ , Jaeger. This is prison, if you've forgotten. I..." I had to pause to sigh, exasperated, and dig my nails into my palms. "I take care of you because we benefit one another. If you want me to start screwing you, believe me, we can start now. But if you think you'll ever, and I mean ever, be my little  _ boyfriend _ or whatever the fuck you think you are, think again."

It was a little harsh. Even for me. I just knew, I was positive, that I had to nip this shit in the bud before it grew even more out of hand. How had I not seen this coming? An eighteen year old, alone and petrified, and then some seemingly-hero motherfucker swoops in and saves him from the bad guys. Only, I wasn't a fucking hero, and this was prison. I  _ was _ the bad guy, Eren just didn't know it yet. And before he crossed that fucking boundary, I was going to have to show him. 

Yet, the look on his face that he tried to conceal made me almost flinch.

He said nothing, just lied there. I acted on instinct, storming out of the room in all my rage with nowhere to go and nothing to do about the situation. Who was I supposed to fucking talk to? I couldn't go to Jean or Eld or fucking any of them with this, this was over their heads, it was too much for even me. I felt like I had been tricked and lied to, like every good thing I had done for that kid had been a mistake. I didn't fucking  _ lead him on _ , I didn't make him think I was anything I  _ wasn't _ . This wasn't my fault, it couldn't be my fucking fault. And really, it wasn't even that big of a deal. Any other person would just set him straight and ignore it, but I knew that this wouldn't be that fucking easy. 

I was probably going to be in prison for the next fifty years. I had already served ten. High school romance,  _ crushes _ , there was no room for that shit in my life. Maybe if I was eighteen and stupid I would think it was possible. Maybe I would think that whoever lent me their time or their bed loved me. Did Eren think that, too? Did Eren fucking think I  _ loved _ him? 

Oh god, I was going to have a fucking panic attack. 

I went to the showers and threw my clothes over a stall door before cranking the hot water on. I let it pour over me as I let out a groan, both from the tension in my shoulder being released and my own personal tension I had going on in my head. I seriously had a fucking headache now, all because of some brat deciding that he was going to ruin my life. He was jealous, jealous over me, jealous over Erwin. It was fucking comical, really. I had beat the shit out of the kid, sent him to the infirmary, cleaned his blood off my boot. I had publically embarrassed him, scared him, hurt him. I thought I was clear, I thought I had made it clear, that I was not a good fucking person. That I was not good for him. That he had no business placing his feelings into my hands. Our relationship was business, nothing more, nothing less. 

But I had to be real with myself, I knew as I placed a hand on the tile wall, fingers curling against the cold. I treated Eren differently than anyone in that goddamn prison. Any roommate I'd had before, anyone else I used for my benefit. It wasn't because he was a good lay, it wasn't because he offered anything I couldn't refuse. So what the fuck was it, Levi? I was going to have to make it clear to Eren that I wasn't what he thought I was.

I felt like a damn fool. 

When I got back to the cell, Eren had vanished. I didn't know or care where he was, all I wanted was to be alone. It was nearly lunch soon, and I would go just because I knew I had no reason to mope around, but I needed to get myself together. Eren was just a kid. He had immature, childish feelings, which was to be expected because he was a fucking child, and yet it had somehow taken me by surprise. I paced around the room for a few minutes, looking at his bed and my own, looking between his things and mine. All he had in the room, really, were some photos he kept in a drawer, the book he kept under his bed, changes of clothes and personal hygiene items. Pausing, I glanced at his pillow that I knew hid the French book, and I went over to pull the pillow to the side. 

Inside the book were the notes Eren had made. A couple were pronunciations, a couple were the explanations and translations I had given him. A couple were some juvenile markings over the English parts, his reactions and thoughts. It was like reading an English class annotation assignment, which was so much like Eren that I nearly snorted. I paged through it, and the annotations continued, even past where I had helped him. He must've been going through it in his free-time with someone else, maybe the prison tutor, maybe the computer in the library. 

What caught my eye, though, was a particular comment he made on page 14. Next to the words " _ merci beaucoup _ ", which one character had said to another, Eren had written, "for Levi!"

I closed the book and walked straight to Hanji's office.


	9. The fucking Prison Hero, Avenger of Jaeger

“I just don’t see the issue, Levi. Though, I am curious as to what he sees in you... maybe I should conduct an interview.”

I sat in Hanji’s office, arms crossed over my chest. I was opposite her, and while she had no real desk or even anything to make it an actual “office”, there were 2 giant comfy blue chairs. Even by my standards, the room was fairly clean and well-preserved compared to the rest of the prison. No weird stains or questionable hidden items. People rarely visited Hanji’s office, and for good fucking reason too; her idea of helpful advice was generally not at all what you were looking for. Ever.

Hanji had her thickly framed glasses on the top of her head and was looking at me with this goofy grin that I wished I never had to see again. “So what, the kid is appreciative of you? Admires you?”

“You don’t get it, shithead,” I bit back in response. My lips tugged into a frown as I realized I was sounding more and more like a whiny child. “There’s nothing about me that this kid should even fucking _consider_ admiring. And it goes beyond simple admiration; he’s jealous of my goddamn fuck buddy.”

“So maybe he wants to have sex with you,” was Hanji’s casual reply, accompanied by a shrug. It pissed me off how unbothered she was by this situation. Couldn’t she see the urgency? “Stop looking so much into it. Stop panicking, too. Be grateful that someone wants to be in your presence at all.”

“I don’t want him to want to be in my presence.”

“I don’t think you can decide that—“

“Well, I’m deciding it. Since when did I become the fucking Prison Hero, Avenger of Jaeger?”

An amused grin split across Hanji’s face, a glint of something in her eyes I couldn’t put my finger on.  She sat back in her chair and peered at me from her spot opposite me. What didn’t she understand? Sure, to her it probably just sounded like an innocent case of idolization. But I was certain it was more than that. I could just feel the impending doom, like this was going to go further than I ever wanted it to. The way Eren had looked at me in the room, the way my words cut through him like a dagger, it all hinted at the fact that he was feeling far more towards me than simple appreciation. 

“Do you want to have sex with him?” 

“What?” I asked, as though I hadn’t heard her question. Shaking my head, I took myself out of my thoughts. “Of course I fuckin’ do. Have you seen him? He’s 6 ft of pure, sweet ass.”

“And why haven’t you, then?”

I looked at her now as though she had three ugly heads. Surely she wasn’t this dense. “Because, Hanji, I may not be above much but I am above rape. _You_ of all people should know the importance of consent.”

Hanji snorted in laughter, shaking her head. “I think it’s clear that he would also like to have sex with you, Levi. He made that clear today, and he’s been following you around like a doting lover for weeks now.” 

“Because I force him.”

“Perhaps,” Hanji said absently. “Or he’s into you.” 

“So what is your suggestion?” I asked, annoyed with the beating around the bush. “You think I should fuck him? Make him responsible for my needs, instead of putting that burden on Erwin?”

“I think,” Hanji cut in abruptly, one hand raised. “A mutual sexual relationship that benefits both parties is a good idea in this _particular_ situation, as a way of physical and psychological release. If Eren is willing and wanting, and you are as well, what’s the harm?”

“The harm is that the kid might fall in love with me... or some shit, is that not a concern to you?”

“That sounds like _his_ problem,” replied Hanji. We held silent eye contact for a few heated moments, but there was no apparent malice in her intent. “Give it a try. It might help you both in the long run.”

So I left the prison _therapist’s_ office with advice to _screw my fucking cell mate_ , something that was truthfully prohibited, and I had to wonder what shit college gave her a degree.

Eren wasn’t in the cell, which I figured would happen. He was likely either in the cafeteria or hiding in the bathrooms, maybe crying into his shirt. I couldn’t fucking guess which one. I decided to check the cafeteria first and there he was, alongside Marco and some of my men, who stood around looking a little confused and probably wondering where I was myself.

There had been a few issues in communication lately. The usually-organized drug flow was starting to become a problem, as a few of the people who reported to me had made clear. More shit was coming in than usual, and that usually resulted in overstepped boundaries. Someone had been trying to push drugs in the prison, and had decided to go around myself and everyone who normally controlled these waters. It was a blossoming concern that had barely developed and for the time being, I was feeling it out. 

Jean and I talked it over and decided that waiting and observing was the best course of action here. It was, usually, beneficial having him in here at my side to confide in with certain issues. After all, he had gone down with me for all the Luther shit, the incident (and man) responsible for my imprisonment in the first place. These days, Jean and I never spoke about Gabriel Luther. Jean was going to get out soon, I knew, and he wanted to live a crime-free life from there on out, focusing on his young daughter. It was impossible to me to imagine, but he was determined, so I said nothing. In the mean time, I had Eren to worry about.

I spotted them and began to approach but it seemed Eren had different plans. He saw me at the same time and came stalking up to me in record time, and before long he was standing in front of my face with his long arms hanging at his sides. 

The rest of the room continued to turn. The men talked and laughed and stood in line for food and really, the cafeteria was one of my least favorite places to be. It was loud, crowded, as well as dirty and disgusting almost times. And here Eren was, standing in front of me and looking at me with this unreadable expression, and I really hated the cafeteria more than ever. 

“Can I help you?” I asked, my voice low. 

“I think you...” Eren said, before he stopped and sucked in a deep breath. He tapped his hand against his leg energetically. “I think that I have more to... offer, than you think I do.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes,” he answered, nodding fiercely. “it is.” 

I really didn’t have the slightest clue as to what sort of offer-worthy traits he was hinting at, but I chose to take the conversation as Eren deciding he wasn’t going to act like a child anymore. And with him standing in front of me now, determined glint in his eyes, the whole thing was actually pretty fucking sexy. So I nodded and accepted his statement for whatever it was.

”Alright, Jaeger, prove it.” 

He wasn’t done being a child, of course, but the aura was still altered as we took a seat at the table and I opted out of eating. He held himself taller, straighter, chin tilted up slightly. Proud, almost. He hadn’t even done anything really but I guess him stating something and me taking it in stride was worth celebrating in his world. 

“I’ve been telling these guys to get their shit together, because if they don’t the’ll have to go through Levi himself instead of me,” Jean was saying, drumming his fingers on the table. Eld and Connie were listening to his rant, and he carded a hand through his hair in a show of anxious frustration. “I’m mean but I’m not _Ackerman_ mean.” 

For whatever reason, hearing my surname made me think of Mikasa. Being my only surviving family that I knew of, she was the only hope of carrying on our lineage. God knew I wasn’t gonna procreate with any damn woman. And then I thought of her and Jean’s daughter, whom I’d never met, again for the second time that day. 

Eren was watching Jean talk, as was Marco, marching looks of both intrigue and worry on their faces. They didn’t need to hear about any of this, but I guess it was inevitable. I couldn’t keep them from the reality of the situation they were in. They belonged to two of the biggest names in this facility, and thus they were going to be surrounded by a lot of dirty shit by relation. 

“Let them figure it out themselves,” I replied, placing myself within the narrative now. Jean frowned. “You warned them; that’s all you can do.” 

“I don’t want anyone getting killed, that’s sort of what I try to avoid. I guess I just want to give Mitchell’s men the benefit of the doubt.” 

“Give the men the benefit of my foot up their ass and they’ll start acting right.”

Connie snickered, but it was true. I wouldn’t have to do much to scare them into straightening out and that’s why I wasn’t too worried about it. Mitchell was a man with a fair amount of followers in here because of his boisterous and go-get-em attitude, which worked for people like him. I considered it to be cocky and childish, but that was just me.

“Mitchell’s in over his head,” Eld said. He had his arms crossed over his chest and an expression of deep thought on his face. “His following grew a little and now his ego is twice the size it was. He thinks he can take on anyone.”

“He’s sending out orders to his men to disregard rules we’ve had set in place for decades now,” muttered Connie. I glanced at Eren, who was already looking at me with those big round eyes. “None of them have been brave enough to do it yet, but still...”

“Don’t worry about it,” I confirmed. “It’s under control and when it’s not, that’s when we’ll deal with it.”

Lunch was over shortly after the conversation fell off. Eren followed me out, and we took advantage of the momentarily clear halls to head back to our cell before anyone was in our way. Eren was quiet and obedient the entire way there, following me a short distance behind, resigned to himself.

“Are you still in a bad mood?” I asked, my voice sounding foreign in the silence of the corridor. 

“Not unless you are,” was his answer, smart-assy but amusing anyway. I peered over at him, nearly walking beside me now. His hair was growing long now, needing cut, but the way it hung into his eyes was weirdly endearing. 

“I was never in a bad mood. You just scare the ever-loving shit out of me,” I told him, sticking my hands into my pockets and looking ahead of us as we walked. I heard him scoff. “I’m serious. You make no sense sometimes.”

Eren stayed silent for a moment. We neared the entrance to the cell and I went inside first, immediately pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it onto my bed. Eren stopped in his tracks, looking at me curiously. “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking a fucking nap, officer, is that all?” I asked in return, moving my blankets on my bed. Truly, I was exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically too. Having to deal with Eren’s stupidity and Hanji’s insanity both in one day was too much for any one person to handle. But Eren was watching me now with this shitty look on his face, and so I turned around and said, “What?”

“I just—“ Eren began, then let out a breath of air through his nose hastily. “Can we talk?”

“...Talk.”

“Yeah,” he shifted his weight on his feet. Bit his lip. “Just, like, talk. I haven’t gotten to talk to you a lot lately.”

“What do you want to talk about? Our feelings? How was your day, dear, tell me all about it,” I deadpanned, annoyed, my eyebrows coming together in frustration. I just wanted to sleep, and here I was standing still, blanket in hand, and a stupid teenage boy looking at me with this soft expression that made me want to fucking cuddle. 

“Don’t be a dick,” answered Eren. He was still chewing on his lip, something I wished he’d stop doing. He opened his mouth, hesitated, closing it before opening it once more. “...Are you attracted to me?”

I paused, wondering if I heard him right, but it was obvious that I did. He was looking right back at me, and I felt my lips curl into a scowl. “What the fuck kind of shit ass question is that? Didn’t we just talk about—“

“No, not romantically. You made it clear how you feel,” _You_ , he says. Not _we_. Were we differing in that area, then, like I thought? Take that, shitty glasses. “Are you attracted to me? Do you find me attractive? My face, my body, my—“

“Look, kid,” I stopped him, not needing to hear more. His mouth snapped shut and his hands fisted the fabric of his pants. “Why are you asking me this shit? What is your fixation on us having sex?”

“What is your fixation on us  _not_ ?” 

I really couldn’t believe my ears, or that he was actually saying this shit to me. I shook my head in disbelief, answering, “Are you stupid? Why are your fucking feelings hurt at the idea that I don’t want to fuck you?”

He was suddenly a few feet closer to me, eyes trained on my face as if looking for a response even though I had just given him one. His body heat was noticeably warmer against my own skin even from where he stood as he radiated. “I just want to know if you do or don’t.” 

“I do, of course I fucking do, I’m doing you a favor—“

“Do me a favor and stop, then,” was his muttered reply, with his sideways glanced and pursed lips, practically pouting in front of my face. 

This was bad. I knew what he was trying to do here and it was fucking bad. He couldn’t even look at me and yet the energy coming from him, the look on his face, the flush of his cheeks and the plumpness of his bitten lip were all ingredients to one shit-show of a recipe. He was close to me, close enough to smell him, and it was nauseating. Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone? We were fine the way we were, life was fine the way that it was— and now it was all going to be fucked. And I couldn’t even stop it from happening. 

I was the one that kissed him. I put my hand on the back of his neck and brought his face down to mine. I ignored the feigned look of shock he gave me— the fucking harlot. How can he sit here and act dumb, as though he wasn’t fucking asking for it? 

And he kissed me back, of course, the second my lips met his. His body was against my own, something I had not initiated, and from there the playing field blurred. Who started what became unclear. All I knew was that he tasted like cherry medicine and prison food. It wasn’t as unpleasant as it sounds. 

There were these bars across the bed posts at either end, and Eren was trying desperately to push me down to sit on one. Only I wasn’t going to let him have control over any situation, this one included. It didn’t matter that his soft little lips were attacking my own at million miles an hour like an inexperienced schoolboy. It didn’t matter that he had his hands on my jaw, cupping my face. The heat between us, the tingles down my spine, the small sounds he was making; none of it mattered, I was in control. To prove it, I gripped him by the waist and dug my fingers into his side enough to hurt before flipping our positions and sitting him down on the bar.

“Ow! Fuck, Levi,” was his angry response, but I didn’t want to hear it. After all, the fire in his tone and the mischievous glint in his eye was only fueling me more. I couldn’t stop. I kissed him hard, teeth clacking against teeth, and he made another disgruntled noise. “Someone is eager.”

“Cut the shit, Jaeger,” I bit. I pulled back only momentarily to look at him sternly. His coquettish expression was paired with a flushed complexions and star struck eyes, hair already looking disheveled. How it made my ribcage tighten wasn’t something I took the time to think about. “You wanted this. You started this. I’m not going to go easy on you now.”

“Dish it out,” Eren said cheekily. “And I’ll take it gladly.” 

What else could be said? If you were an undesirable criminal serving a lengthy prison sentence, untouchable, and there was a fresh-faced ball of fire willing and wanting and demanding to be touched, you’d give into them, too. I allowed him to take what he wanted, needy hands grabbing at me and my bare skin. The room was silent besides the noises made by us, by our moaths, by the sound of the bed frame creaking under his weight as I placed myself between his legs and he hooked one around my own. 

I hadn’t pictured the day taking this turn but I wasn’t complaining, that was for sure. The feeling of his warm hands roaming my chest as he feverishly nipped at my bottom lip with his teeth was like an overwhelming stimulation on its own, and I had to remind myself to keep up, to tame his unbelievable 18-year-old energy. I opened my mouth and stuck my tongue into his, briefly wishing I’d make him brush his teeth after eating. He made a sound of either pleasure or surprise or a mix of the two, and I was pulling off his stupid polyester shirt and tossing it to the side. He was built exactly like you would expect underneath— tan, firm, pristine. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him shirtless but it sure as hell felt like it. 

“Levi,” Eren said now, breathless, one hand keeping him balanced on the bar of the bed. I pulled back slightly and looked at him, wondering how I myself looked. He was scanning my face again, probably taking in my features just as I had done to him moments before. “You don’t have to—“

“Do you want this?” I asked, feeling almost dizzy. It was almost too late to back out now, almost too late for me to stop. But if Eren wasn’t goddamn sure, I wasn’t going to pull this. I’d made it clear before that I had other options and that was true. I didn’t need to take advantage of Eren or anyone else. 

“Yes,” was Eren’s quick reply. But just because it was quick doesn’t mean it was true. I looked around the room— it was the middle of the day, door wide up, I’d have to bribe a guard to shut it— and wondered if this was the right move. Eren was energizing, like a goddamn kick in the face, but he was dependent, becoming reliant emotionally to me. The red flags were everywhere, sirens going off in my head; but it was all drowned out when I saw the shy look on Eren’s face. If I were smarter I would have ended it right there and not gone any further. 

I had never really been that smart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so basically i wrote this chapter and it ended up being TWICE as long as usual, so i had to split it up into two parts. and i don’t wanna just post them both at the same time (though i know y’all would probably prefer that lmfaooo) so i’m gonna split it up at LEAST by a few days. see y’all soon!!


	10. I'm in charge, remember, mon chéri?

Eren’s back was against the mattress before I even realized I’d pushed him. He landed with a thud, brown locks of hair sprawling out against my white sheets, and if it weren’t prison, it would’ve been a picture-worthy sight. I climbed over the bar of the bed and on top of him, straddling his hips, feeling his breath against my face as his chest rose and fell rapidly. My knee kicked open his legs and planted itself right in between them.

It wasn’t difficult having sex with Eren. He was expressly responsive, like some sort of virgin, leaning into every touch and arching at every suck I gave to his neck. His hands explored my body as my mouth explored his and I knew I was getting fired up down south real quick. It wasn't like it had been too terribly long since I'd gone without sex; after all, I had visited Erwin sometime a week or two ago. But this wasn't Erwin. It was so new, completely different from what I was used to; big firm hands and serious demeanor, no beating around the bush. This was sensual, exhilarating, exploratory and fresh; everything sex with Erwin wasn’t.

“You’ve got to be at least a little fucking quieter,” I told Eren in response to the mewls and whines and moans that poured out of his mouth, pausing our motions to grumble and climb out of bed. He looked at me with wide eyes, watching as I moved to the door and told the guard outside that I’d make it worth his effort to keep our door shut for an hour. He was a young guy, newer it seemed, and he eyed me carefully before nodding and doing as I asked. Turning back to Eren, I sucked in a breath. “Alright, brat. We got 60 minutes.”

He was looking at me, propped up on his elbows, eyeing not my face but instead my body. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You’ve seen me naked before.”

“Glimpses,” was Eren’s stubborn answer, eyebrows furrowing. “This time I get to gawk without you snapping at me.”

It was nice, admittedly, to have someone look at you like you were a goddamn piece of art. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had stared at me like this, looking me up and down, taking in the contours of my abdomen and the scars that littered my body. Erwin didn’t look at me like this; we rarely even took off our shirts when we fucked. Eren, who I'd caught stealing glances every so often in his time here, seemed to think I was something worth admiring. When the lust in his eyes began to grow soft, I cut him off. 

In an instant, I had him pinned on the bed and squirming beneath me like it was my fucking job, and his lips found mine again like he was starved. Our bottom halves were intertwined and pressed against each other, the fabric of our pants rubbing together, and I felt him buck his hips into mine impatiently.

Goddamn, this kid was going to be the death of me.

“Look who’s eager now,” I said against Eren’s skin, my lips taking a break from attacking his neck. He grunted in frustration before I felt his fingers tug at the waistband of my sweatpants.

“What does a guy have to do to get you naked?” Eren muttered unhappily, and I couldn’t help but snort. Moving, I shifted so that I could remove the barrier between him and my dick, and the look on his face when it sprung right up, ready for action, was one of pure wonder and a bit of fear. No time to waste, now, though.

I didn’t give him the change to gawk. Instead, I got onto my knees, Eren propped up on his elbows beneath me. “Suck,” I barked, taking him by the back of the head and pulling him toward me. He jolted, shocked at the force, but I wasn’t here to play games. Apparently, neither was he, as he placed one of his hands on my hips as though to steady me and used the other to guide the tip of my cock to his mouth.

“No,” I said, swatting away the hand that held my hips still. “I get to decide the pace. I'm in charge, remember, _mon chéri?_ "

Eren's eyes went wide again, lips parting, and I knew I had struck a chord.

I wasn’t going to tear him apart, though, at least not yet. The pearlescent ocean-colored eyes that peered up at me through thick, dark eyelashes showed anticipation and a twinge of nervousness, and I knew then that Eren likely had little to no experience in this area. I figured I’d have to teach him the basics, which was annoying, but was expected when you fucked a practical virgin. Eren kept his hand wrapped around the back of my thigh, apparently feeling like he needed to touch me. The other hand stayed wrapped around the base of my dick while he experimentally used his tongue to explore the length of it.

I remained still, watching him, the way that he hesitated before every move. When his mouth finally enclosed around the head, I felt the sensation of teeth grazing my skin. Hoping to nip that business in the bud, I tapped him on the back of his head, making him jerk and immediately remove himself from me. I let out a huff and corrected, “Don’t stop. Just don’t use your fuckin’ teeth.”

He gave an eager nod and went back to work. I had to admit it wasn’t bad for a first, or near first, time. The familiar warmth that blossomed in my gut appeared after he got bold and went as deep as he could without gagging. I resisted the urge to hold his head there and do the job myself.

He came off with a short cough, wiping at the back of his mouth. With a shake of his head, he whined, “I can’t go any deeper than that.”

“And why not?”

“Because my gag reflex is just that of an average human,” he said with a pout on his lips. “And your... thing, definitely is not.”

“Are you saying I’m small?” I teased, smirking, knowing he was having a hard time for the total opposite reason. I was fairly blessed in that department, luckily, but from what I’d seen in the cell and the showers, Eren wasn’t exactly lacking himself. And that thought made me lick my lips. Another time. 

“Yeah, right,” Eren murmured. He resumed, his warm mouth contrasting to the cold of the room and the rest of my body. I let myself enjoy it, pushing into him, matching his pace as his hand and mouth worked. He seemed proud at this, at my showcase of enjoyment, and began to speed up slightly, taking in more.

I heard my own breath hitch, and he looked up at me again, eyes glistening and watery. That was incredibly fucking hot for reasons I couldn’t even explain, and my hand moved to get tangled in his (somehow) soft hair. For a moment his eyes fluttered shut as though soothed by the action, but he continued the motions of his head. His tongue flicked over the slit of my cock and I grit my teeth in response.

I was about to pull him off and have him stop when I felt his hand move lower to cup my balls. I couldn’t help myself from gripping at his hair and holding him in place as I let out a short groan. He remained still as I bucked into his throat a few easy times, but I knew he could only take so much so I forced myself to stop. A thorough test to my self-control.

Pushing him off me, I tried to ignore the sloppy mess of saliva around his mouth and the puffiness of his lips, along with his flushed cheeks, but it was harder said than done. He fell back against the beg again and I grabbed his pants by the waistband and pulled them and his boxers off, letting them join the pile on the floor. He was so hard it looked painful, and suddenly self-conscious it seemed, as he twisted and moved so that I couldn’t view his body in its entirety. Having no room for wasting time, I pulled open his legs and moved down to kiss at his neck.

“How are we going to do this?” asked Eren in a quiet tone. I didn’t take him to be the nervous type and hadn’t expected this type of behavior. I was leaning over him, one elbow propping me up, and he had one hand on my flat on my chest.

“I’m going to fuck you,” I told him obviously, but he didn’t seem satisfied. “Just trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

A flash of something went over Eren’s face and I couldn’t understand what it was, but he seemed momentarily resigned. I took that as my cue to move my hand to his lower half and feel him up, giving a good stroke to his leaking cock. Eren made a sound of approval and without warning, I pushed his legs up into a bend and shoved my fingers into his mouth. “Suck again,” I demanded.

He did. He looked me right in the eye and licked and sucked and slathered my two fingers until they were soaked in his spit. It was far grosser than anything I’d typically do, but it had to be done. Once I was satisfied I used those two fingers to begin to loosen him up, and as I saw his face began to contort into recognizable pain, I leaned over to latch onto one of his nipples and suck, using my free hand to work at the other. It seemed to make him ignore the pain a bit, and he only made a few small noises of discomfort as I worked the first finger in.

“It hurts,” Eren frowned, wincing, and I shushed him.

Turning my finger and quirking it up, I said, “It won’t soon.”

I explored until I found that spot, and when I did, it was clear on Eren’s face. His jaw dropped open and his head shot backward onto the pillow, body arching into my hand, and I couldn’t help the grin that split across my face. I’d forgotten how fulfilling it was to give someone else this kind of pleasure, never mind someone who had never felt it before.

“Who else have you fucked?” I asked, the question suddenly popping into my head. Eren seemed dazed, and while he was confused, I took the opportunity to begin working in the second finger.

He hissed, but answered, “A girl, in high school. I’ve done stuff with a guy but not—“

“Got it,” I finished, cutting him off. Weirdly, I wanted to hear as little as possible about this random guy who had gotten to have access to Eren's body. Did he get to see this same expression I was looking at, this show of ecstasy? Did he get to feel Eren's eager mouth wrapped around him before I ever would? It made my jaw clench and suddenly I regretted my question, but I said nothing. Eren was staring right at me, but I continued my movements and stroked at that spot until he was bucking into my hand and mumbling noises that I really should’ve put a stop to.

Eren was responding to every touch, as though overstimulated, and it was goddamn addicting. Having him accept everything I gave gratefully and eagerly made me want to give him more and more, all that he’d take. After I managed to pump three fingers in a few times, I deemed this acceptable, and he didn’t seem like he was in too much pain. Grabbing lotion from the drawer, I came back to him watching me with hands fisted in the sheets of the bed. I had no condom, but who did in prison? And based on his answer and my own sexual history, I was confident that neither of us had STDs. Well, as confident as one could be.

I lathered myself up with the plain smelling lotion and cringed at the way it felt, the sound obscene as I rubbed myself a few times. It was dead silent, Eren eyeing my every move, and I wondered how he was feeling. What he was thinking. I thought back to our conversation earlier, just this morning, and it was wild that the day had taken such a turn. I didn’t bother asking any questions or taking a moment to clarify; I just hoped Hanji had been right in her thinking that Eren didn’t have any concerning feelings toward me. It was a little fucking late for that now.

His voice snapped me out of the momentary trance I was in. “Hurry up, I—,” he cut himself off, jaw locking into place.

Chuckling slightly, I moved closer to him, placing the tip of my cock at his entrance. His breath hitched and the grip he had on the sheets tightened. “Relax,” I said slowly, softly, placing my hand on his knee and rubbing my thumb on the bone calmingly. Whatever would get him to calm down was what I’d do; this was never going to work with him so tense.

Eren’s eyes flickered to my hand, then my face. His eyes got cloudy, either with tears or something I didn't want to confront. “It’s going to hurt.”

“For a minute.”

“Are you going to—“ another pause. A breath. “Will you go... easy on me?”

I almost rolled my eyes but I didn’t, knowing it would just make him upset. His puppy dog eyes were too much for me to stand, so I looked down at my hand (which coincidentally held my dick). “Yeah, Eren, I’m gonna go easy. But if you don’t shut up I’m not gonna go at all.” Perhaps a little harsh, but this was feeling too much like a love-making scene in a romcom. 

So he shut up, and I pushed in, watching his face wince as the head (which was the worst part) disappeared into him. At one point he put a hand on my chest as I was leaning over him, and I halted my movement with a small huff. “It hurts,” he breathed out, teeth together firmly, worry on his features. "Fuck."

“After this bit, it’ll hurt less,” I tried, ready to get this show on the road. As much as I cared that he enjoyed himself in this (which wasn’t much at all, but at least I cared somewhat), it was really fucking hard to exhibit exemplary self-control when you’re nearly halfway in, halfway out of pleasure, like putting candy on the tip of your tongue and having to hold it there. So I spoke gingerly, “Trust me. Eren, hey. Trust me.”

His eyes flashed to mine when I said his name and he gave a small nod. “I do, of course, I do,” he answered, far quieter now, and I almost didn’t hear it. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was hidden emotion behind those words. Something that didn’t just pertain to this situation. Regardless, I pushed my hips forward slowly until my hipbones were against his skin, and the feeling of being buried to the hilt in Eren’s warmth was enough to make me let out a pained groan. Eren was deadly silent, even through his white-knuckled holding of the sheets, he didn’t complain and just continued to breathe deep.

“God, that’s just—“ I began, the words almost hissed as they left my mouth, and I sucked in another breath. “I forgot how goddamn good this feels.”

It had been a while since I was the one doing the fucking, as Erwin wasn’t the type to take it up the ass. And I couldn’t tell if it was because of the time since I’d topped or because it was Eren, but I was already feeling that presence in my gut. Eren looked delicious beneath me, mouth slightly open, face and chest flushed, legs pushed forward to reveal him— I reached down, grabbed his cock, and began to stroke.

Matching my pace with my hips and my hand, I took the time to make sure Eren enjoyed himself. I didn’t figure a few weeks ago that this was something I’d ever do for some bratty kid; I usually took what I wanted and worried only about myself. But I couldn’t help it. The fucking dirty look on his face as he watched me slide in and out of him, his tongue on the roof of his mouth, I wanted to see more. He arched his back and let out a throaty moan, loud and deep, and I shut him up by taking ahold of his jaw and smashing our mouths together.

“Right there, right— fuck, fuck, fuck,” Eren was murmuring against my lips. My breath quickened and I focused on my stride, hips moving and smacking against his thighs. The sound of skin on skin was so obvious that if the guard couldn’t tell what we were up to, he definitely would now. The squeaking of the bed frame didn’t help, either.

"What a dirty mouth," I scolded in breathless jest. Pressing our foreheads together, I squeezed my eyes shut. He brought a hand up to tangle into my hair, gripping onto it, and it only added to the pleasure. Our bodies were both beginning to get damp with sweat, and the tightening in my groin was an indication that it wasn’t going to take me long.

“Hang on,” I said, an idea popping into my head. “Pick a position. Doggy or cowboy?”

“I, uh—“ breathed Eren, chewing on his bottom lip to keep his noises of pleasure contained. “Whichever one feels best for you.”

Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Why was that so fucking hot? Without another word I pulled out and picked him up enough-so to flip him onto his stomach. He grunted and complied without a word, beginning to get onto his hands in knees. Once he was up, though, ass arched into the air to give me the perfect view, I pressed the back of his head down into the mattress and lined myself up again.

I slammed back inside of him again, rocking the entire bed forward and earning a surprised yelp from Eren, followed by a, “Dammit, fuck!” I wondered who taught him to talk like that. No fucking clue.

I rapidly sped up the pace, trying to pull out as far as I could each time, and every time my hips slammed into his ass he let out a high pitched noise from the impact. Soon he had his face lying pliant in the sheets, hands clutching at the bed frame, and just let me go to work.

“Tell me how good it feels,” I told him, slowing, rocking in and out of him with rolls of my hips. He had his eyes closed tightly but his mouth was slightly open in pleasure, small moans escaping him. " _Tell me."_

“You’re— It’s amazing,” Eren replied, breathless. “I’m going to cum soon—“

“I'm right behind you,” I cut him off, teeth gritted, picking up the pace again. Eren whined, a string of curses leaving his mouth, and I continued until the pool of warmth was a nagging and approaching climax. I realized I had sweat dripping from my brow, my hands were holding Eren’s plump ass to rock him into me, and his body was glistening with sweat, too. He craned his neck back to look at me, eyes swirling with emotion.

“Levi,” he said. I forced myself to open my eyes and meet his. “Kiss me.”

So I leaned over him, continued to plow into him, and connected our lips passionately, something I never would’ve dreamt of doing with Erwin. It wouldn't have been welcome there. Here, however, Eren wanted every part of me. Down to the noises and the sensation of his skin against my own, everything was different with Eren. Erwin and I didn’t kiss, not more than enough to be considered foreplay, but I felt like I wanted to kiss Eren again and again and after this, again. And in the cafeteria and in the rec room. Against a wall and in front of everyone. I wanted to see the look on his face when I did it, when I grabbed his crotch or smacked his ass when he least expected it. I wanted to see all the faces Eren Jaeger could make.

For now, I got to see the face he made when he was overcome with pleasure, nearing climax. And when it did come, when I gave a few final and firm strokes, I got to see his orgasm. My face was against his, our lips barely touching, and his breath and the noises he made when he came were amazing. His face was a show of ecstasy, and the moan he let out was almost loud enough to mask the words he said after.

He wrapped a hand around my neck, placed his lips on top of mine, and with his eyes closed tightly, he gasped, “Levi, I love you, I—“

And I fucking came to those words, like a deceitful little trick. Like a goddamn manipulation tactic. I stuttered to a stop and released inside of him, leaning over him and pressed against his face, the sweat of our bodies mixing where we touched. I let out a groan, pure pleasure washing away anything I had been thinking about, and I stayed like that for a moment when I was done before collecting myself and my sanity.

But once I was done, I was done. I pulled out and climbed off of the bed, Eren collapsing onto his side in exhaustion. I felt dizzy as I stood, one hand on the bed frame. The other was pinching my temples because that goddamn motherfucking shitty glasses lied to me. She knew, goddammit, I was sure that she knew. She had probably already talked to Eren about it, knew how he felt, knew about his jealousy and his shitty fifth-grade feelings. And now I had fucked the absolute life out of him, and in the midst of it all, he had professed his goddamn motherfucking _love._ Everyone, it seemed, thought this shit was a game. As I grabbed my clothes off the floor and put them on, all I could think about was the betrayal. _I let myself be played like a goddamn violin. I walked right into his trap._

Other than that, it was silence. You could slice the tension in the room with a knife, and I was moments from losing my shit.

“Levi?” he said meekly, sitting up on the bed. He used my blanket to cover his lower half while looking at me with this fucking guilty expression that I just wanted to wipe off his face for him. “I didn’t—“

“ _Don’t_ ,” I said. Snapped. I couldn’t take it. I couldn't stand to look at him, I was so close to throwing up. “Just fucking don’t. Like, I can’t even express— Don’t _fucking_ talk to me, got it?”

And against my better judgment, just to show him how serious I was, I pulled myself together enough to finally look at him, feeling crazed. And he dared to have this fucking pained expression smeared across his face, puffy lips and nearly teary eyes, hurt as though he had the right. But he didn’t. And once I showed no reaction to his plea for sympathy, he masked it quickly, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth and adverting his eyes. With that, I turned my back on him and decided it would be the last time Eren Jaeger fucked me over. I gave a few sharp knocks to the door and it was opened. The only person who could give me what I needed now was the one person Eren wouldn't want me to see. As though on autopilot, my feet took me down the halls, and before I knew it, I was face-to-face with the door to Erwin's office. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well shit y'all, we made it! how do you feel? poor baby sweet boy eren!!!


	11. He just professed his love for me while I was balls-deep in his ass.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi deals with the fallout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone. first off, let me apologize; i know i went MIA for a couple of months. i started college, went through some emotional shit, and now i'm just finding the time to write. for those of you who are still reading and commented wondering where i was, i love y'all. your comments fueled me to be able to pick up where i left off. 
> 
> i hope this chapter is good enough to make up for my absence. i love this story and have so much fun writing it. i hope you guys have fun reading it too. let me know what you think in the comments and i'll see you all again soon!

My hands were shaking, my vision was clouded in red; I was lethal. The tension and the fear in my body, though, didn’t leave as I stormed down corridors and halls. It only rose higher as I made my way to the only place I knew to go. And when my hand grasped the cold copper doorknob, turning it in desperation, while the other hand banged on the door with as much strength as I could muster, the door-plate letters written in gold gleamed at me like a taunt. _Erwin Smith._

The door opened to reveal him, tall and blonde and pissed off. “Why the fuck are you–“

I pushed him backward roughly, entering the room as he stumbled. The office looked the same as ever, but my head was spinning and the room swirled with it. " _Erwin_ . Have I got a fucking bone to pick with _you_.” 

Erwin brushed off his shirt where my hands had been, scowling at me. My chest heaved and I dared him to deny me this tantrum, but he knew better. He took a deep breath, sighed it out, and looked at me with such boredom that it made me want to fucking _scream._ The least he could do was fucking humor me. “Let me hear it, Levi. What’s wrong now? Been a while since you’ve come to see me.” 

“This isn’t about you, shit-for-brains, or your dick. It’s about that stupid little good-for-nothing menace you put in my fucking cell, and by relation, my already-cramped life. He’s crossed more lines than I can count and I need you to take care of it, _now,”_ I hissed, coming toward him a step further with every point I made, before taking my finger and jabbing it in his chest. All he did was raise an amused eyebrow. This was his fault, why couldn’t he take me fucking seriously for once? "And wipe that _fucking_ smirk off your face!"

“Eren? Whatever could be the problem?” was his simple and coy reply. He was mocking me; he knew. He knew everything that has happened. The public disrespect, the alliance, the feelings this kid developed for me. I knew that he knew, it was written all over his face. Everyone was in on this except for me, and with this realization dawning on me, I took a sincerely surprised stumble backward, yanking my hand back in disgust. 

“Fuck _you_ . Fuck you and Hanji and Eren, too. If you think this is funny, I _implore_ you to re-evaluate your stance," I said now, dumbfounded and unable to lessen the wideness of my eyes. Then, as my heart began to pound, I lowered my voice to a poisonous whisper. "Because I will go back to that cell and kill him with my bare hands, _right now_."

"Okay, okay. Calm down. Really, Levi, you can't come in here making murder threats, and I honestly have no clue what he's even done to you."

"What he's done to me?" I asked, baffled. "He just professed his love for me while I was balls-deep in his ass and I don’t think you under- _fucking_ -stand, I can’t have this kid around me anymore. It's a liability for his own goddamn self, because if I have to look at his stupid fucking face any longer, I'll go berserk.” I was trying my very best to keep calm, channeling my energy elsewhere as I paced the room and waved my arms and gritted my teeth. I was going to have a goddamn stroke.

Erwin went to his desk and sat in his chair as I talked, shuffling some papers around. “Listen, Levi, I... placed Eren with you for a reason. I knew he had, er, spunk. I knew he’d put you through some loops," and then, a pause, as he looked up at me to make direct, yet careful eye contact. "Be honest with yourself, Ackerman. The kid gives you something to look forward to. You love to have a problem to handle, so… _handle_ him.” 

My hands unclenched, but I very suddenly had a stinging migraine that made me wince. I felt anxious more than anything. It infuriated me that anyone could speak to me like that, especially Erwin Smith, and I had to just take it. I had to hold my tongue and come face-to-face with the feelings those words somehow erupted. He spoke to me like this was a simple situation, like I was a normal person. Like a therapist who’s dealing with an easily precedented patient. I was a child in his eyes, and I was whining about nothing. 

“I can’t…” I sucked in a breath, putting my fingertips to my temples and squeezing. It didn't help. “I can’t, Erwin. You don’t– You don’t get it.” 

“Oh, I get it. Eren is making you feel and behave in a way you don't understand. You’ve never been this upset over a harmless kid.” 

“He’s not harmless! He’s fucking—“

“Nineteen. And scared, and alone, and in love with you?”

Once again, my fingernails dug into my palms, nearly breaking the skin. This could not be real life. “He’s not in _love_ with me, Jesus _fuck!_ He’s clinging to me because he’s fucking helpless! If he thinks I’m something worth investing in emotionally, he's fucking insane-- He has to be insane. I've beaten him within an inch of his life, I- fuck!"

"Reliance or love, really. What's the difference?" Erwin tapped the end of his pen against his desk, looking off into the distance as he considered this. “Well, if that's how you really feel, and you actually want to abandon the kid, then fill out a reassignment form.”

"A reassignment form?" I blinked, my fists coming undone and falling limp at my sides. “Hold on, abandon?”

“Yes, to be transferred–“

My mind went numb. “I know what it fucking the fucking form is, okay? I just-” 

Erwin shrugged. “Whatever. Come see me tomorrow sometime, we have something else to discuss. Oh, and Levi? The form’s by the door. Close it on your way out.”

It felt like the paper was on fire against my skin as I morbidly ghosted back to my cell, form folded and tight in my grip. I felt nauseous, like my gut was telling me something, but I couldn’t fucking tell what. Eren wasn’t in our room, which was to be expected, but I didn’t know whether that hurt or helped. Did I want him there? Did I want to rub this form in his face and tell him he may as well forget me now? I wasn’t sure. And that just served to confuse me even further.

I ended up falling asleep, mental exhaustion taking over my body. I wasn’t sure how long I slept but once I woke up, it was dark outside and Eren was still gone. I felt like the pit in my stomach only dropped when I saw that his brown hair wasn’t peeking out from the blankets. I didn’t know where he was or if he was safe, and I willed myself to not care. It wasn’t my business. I was about to betray this kid; what the fuck did I care? What he needed was to get as far away from me as he could, and I didn't have the right to stop him. 

I got up and told the guard I needed to go take a piss. He let me leave so long as I’d be back in ten minutes. Trying to clear my head, I walked to the restrooms with my eyes on the floor. I rounded each corner by memory, not really paying attention to anything I was doing, running on autopilot. I went into the restrooms and the dingy lights flickered to life. For once, the room was empty, like a ghost town. It was eery; the yellow overhead lights buzzed, the peeling paint smelled of lead, and the dripping taps of the showers and sinks were like the ticking of a clock. I stared at my pathetic and tired reflection in the mirror and wondered what time it was. I splashed cold water on my face but it didn’t make this situation any less like a surreal dream. 

I needed to step back. I had been worried about the wrong things as of late. I needed to take back control of the situation that had arisen in this prison, _my_ prison. Gang violence was rampant and people were getting hurt right in front of my eyes as I ignored it all for Eren Jaeger, who had somehow clouded my vision. I barely knew myself anymore. What was my purpose if I was letting shit like this go down? When would the people begin to fight me, disrespect me, and see me as weak? It would be soon, I knew, if I did not take care of my business. Eren was going to have to wait, and to escape him, I would have to start over again at a completely new prison with completely new people where I had no status or power. 

Somehow, I was actually considering it. 

It was late. I didn't know how late, but it was dark. I needed some information. Whispers of specific men had been going around, snakes in my pretty garden. A few were Luis Kitz, a guy in his thirties with perverted tendencies and a following for his connection to trafficking, Muller Schmidt, a meth dealer with too many outside connections and the ability to squash any competition, and Kiles Marsch, a newer kid who was making a stir as he challenged nearly every one of the men with seniority around here. If I were going to start anywhere, it would be with them. It was dark by seven since it was January, so it felt more like the middle of the night as I trudged through the eerily-silent halls. On my way to the cell, I paused at Jean's. His and Marco's cell was on the same block as mine, but on the bottom floor while Eren and I's was on the top. I banged my fist against the metal bars and peered between them, watching out for the guard to make sure I wouldn't get reprimanded for lingering. I still held the form from Erwin's office in my grip, having not wanted to set it down in the cell for Eren to find it accidentally. 

Jean came to the door. I couldn't see inside of the cell due to the lack of light, but once his face came close to the bars of the door window, the light from the hall illuminated his features well enough that I could see his look of anger. "Who the fuck-- oh. Levi."

"Good morning," I said, peering once again down the hallway before turning my attention to him. "Tell me what you know. Kitz, Schmidt, Marsch. I want every detail you have."

"I don't know much, honestly," Jean answered. He scratched the back of his neck, and I noticed he needed to shave. "I can point you in the direction of Peters, who knows more than I do. What I can tell you is that Kitz' following is growing. He keeps challenging people of power, yanno, like Geris and Fawn. I'm sure you've heard."

Arthur Geris and Gunther Fawn were both ringleaders of two of the bigger gangs that were organized in Stohess. They were actually cousins, and while the groups they controlled were older, stabilized groups, they themselves were new to positions of leadership. "I heard Kitz's men tried to catch some of Geris' men in a dark corner a week or two ago. Other than that, I don't know shit. If you'd care to fill me in, I'd appreciate it." 

"You've been, er, preoccupied," Jean grinned and I scowled, feeling undermined. He then lowered his voice slightly. "Marco is asleep. I don't wanna wake his ass up; I don't let him hear this sort of thing. Anyway, Geris actually came face to face with Kitz after lights out a couple nights ago. They got into it and Geris came out of it banged up and seething; so as you can guess, the tension is high. Fawn has sworn his men against Kitz, too, since he and Geris are family."

"Why the fuck didn't I hear of this?"

"It happened two nights ago. You had just told the whole prison you laid pipe on Eren. I imagine you two had some stuff to... discuss."

Suddenly, the paper that I held crumpled tightly in my right fist became a focal point. Both Jean and I shifted our eyes to it in sync, and as though the words bled right through to the back of the paper, Jean looked back to me in suspicion. "What's that?" 

I didn't recognize how tightly my fingers were crushing the paper until I relaxed them and they ached from the strain. In a moment of weakness, my mind completely blanked, and I looked back at Jean with my mouth slightly agape, with no words being able to form in my head. I couldn't lie nor tell the truth. I couldn't say a damn thing at all. 

"What did he do?" asked Jean now, and I, again, felt a little like I was going to vomit.

"Don't ask me that shit."

"A reassignment form-- that's what it is, right?"

"Marco is going to hear you. Shut the fuck up."

"What do you care?" Jean shifted, arms crossing over his chest. He didn't look amused. If anything, he looked disgusted. "You have to be fucking kidding me, Levi. I don't even have words!"

"Jean, so help me God," I hissed between clenched teeth. My heart was racing like I was going to have a goddamn panic attack or something. If he went on like this, a guard would come without a doubt. "If you don't shut the _fuck up_ , I'm going to split these bars in half and wring your fucking neck."

But I was shaking. My hands jittered and my teeth chattered and I had to will myself to stop. I hadn't taken a single moment to consider Jean or my men or the people who owed their loyalty to me. In my blistering rage, I had made a rash decision to myself when I didn't truly understand the impact of. I let my hand fall to my side, paper completely balled up in my fist now. "I don't have to explain myself to you. It's not any of your goddamn business."

"You're right," Jean said calmly. He sucked his teeth and gave a small scoff. "Marco told me he adored you; I didn't know he would be stupid enough to tell you, though. I'm going to bed. Good luck with Kitz."

Jean knew, too. And so did Marco, and God only knew who else. In retrospect, I shouldn't have let him speak to me like that. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have. I was stunned; there was no use fighting it now. I was already at war with myself in my mind when he turned his back on me and retreated into the darkness of his cell. And as I slugged back to my own cell, I straightened out the piece of paper. It didn't look pretty, but the creases and folds wouldn't affect its ability to perform its job. 

To my unexplainable astonishment, Eren was still gone. I didn't have a single fucking clue where he could be or what he could be doing and it made my skin prickle, the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I couldn't go look for him now, not after I'd done what I had; staring at his empty bed, I was transported back to the morning after he had decided to accept my help in the first place. I'd woken up to him curled into a ball in my bed, entire body hiding underneath my blanket. 

I thought of his sister. I didn't even know her name or what she looked like, because I'd never asked. I knew she had visited Eren a time or two, and I wondered if he'd said anything about me to her. I would be surprised if he hadn't mentioned me at all considering I was a rather large influence on his daily life. My lungs felt tight as I inhaled, moving to toe off my shoes. And after finding it impossible to write more than my first name on that stupid fucking form, I folded it up again and stuffed it into my pillowcase. 

Where was Eren? His absence only served to fuel my anger further. 

I thought of Jean. He was one of my oldest friends, the closest thing to a brother I had ever known. Besides him and Mikasa, I had no family. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I couldn't help but reminisce about the past. Life before Stohess. Mikasa, the estranged daughter of my uncle; Kenny, the man who raised me, and then disappeared without a trace when he deemed me capable of caring for myself. Jean, the only close relationship I acquired while living in the underground that lasted to this day. I remembered the day Mikasa had come to look for her father and found me instead. I remember introducing her to Jean. I remember her going back to her adoptive family, who I'd never met, until she resurfaced again one day to tell me she was pregnant and it was Jean's kid. I remember beating the absolute fuck out of Jean for having violated the one woman left in my God-forsaken family. And then when I decided it couldn't be helped, I remember everything seeming like it would be okay for a while-- until Gabriel Luther strolled into town and Jean and I found ourselves tangled in a web we couldn't escape. 

My head started to ache. Laying back onto my pillow, I was still captivated in my trance of the past. What would Mikasa think of it all, that I'd done any of what I'd done to a kid like Eren? Would she refuse to let me ever meet Ilse if she knew what mindless violence I was capable of? No, I thought. Mikasa had her own fair share of dirty secrets. She was, after all, an Ackerman, too. 

The things I'd subjected Eren to sat worse in my stomach than the fact that I'd killed many men in cold blood. I came to two conclusive reasons as to why this would be. One was that Eren didn't deserve a single bad thing to happen to him ever, unlike any of those men, regardless of whatever sins he'd committed. It didn't matter. His soul was pure, like cane sugar. The second was that Eren trusted me. The men I'd killed, every single one of them I remembered; their faces, their voices, their names. None of them trusted me for a single second. They distrusted me from the moment we met. I was an enemy, they had no reason to believe I wouldn't slaughter them if only given the chance. Eren, on the other hand, took one look at me on Christmas Day and decided I was okay. And then I forced him to have faith in me again after I'd given him every reason not to. Now, here we were; he was in love with me (or so he thought), and he continually trusted that I wouldn't hurt him even though I had, countless times, and would again and again and again. 

To transfer would be the correct choice to make if I wanted to do right by Eren. Never, at any time, in any dimension, in any place, in any scenario would he be happy if he continued to devote himself to these feelings he felt for me. Not if he got out of prison and I remained here. Not if we both stayed until our cold, lonely deaths. Not if we broke out and ran forever. Not if I stayed in charge of Stohess for the rest of my life, not if I fell from power and landed at the bottom. There was simply no chance for something like that to work. I would never let it see the light of day. There was no room for romance in a life sentence. 

I didn't even allow myself to consider whether or not I felt for Eren what he allegedly felt for me. It didn't matter if I did, it didn't matter if I didn't. It didn't matter if the center of my chest clenched when he was upset. It didn't matter that I was worrying at that very moment if he was even safe. In the morning I would fill out that form. In the afternoon I would turn it in. I would spend the next week, which was how long transfers usually took to be processed in Stohess, dealing with the rats that plagued this prison-- and then I would disappear. I wouldn't speak a word of it to anyone, especially not Eren. And he would never hear of me again. He would hate me for it; until he got out, got married, and lived an ordinary and happy life. Then he would understand, and maybe even thank me for what I did. 

No, there was no room for romance in a life sentence. In a life sentence, it's not what happened, what you did, that haunts you. It's the ghost of a life you'll never live; what could've been. 


	12. I'll fucking kill you, Jean. I don't give a fuck. Shut your fucking mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mention of past r*pe/abuse. 
> 
> hello everyone! this is a long one. like, a thousand more words than last time; but i just couldn't stand to cut anything out.
> 
> ps. if you have an AU, prompt, or idea for a fanfic you would like to see me write, let me know in the comments. i'm looking for another project to start over break possibly :ˆ) 
> 
> enjoy the angst!

"Luis Kitz. He's involved with several underground prostitution rings, sex-trafficking circles, and black-market porn societies," Eld recited from memory, as though reading a Wikipedia biography. He had his hands folded on top of the table and a sober look on his face. "You might recall the Order of Oraculi. Just an example of the sort of company he held prior to being sent here."

We all sat at a concrete table in the patio area outside of the cafeteria. The noise from the inside bled out, but it was still a much more quiet environment. A place where one could brainstorm ideas for how to ruin a man in peace. 

I took a long drag of my cigarette. Eld was being coy; I had more experience with the Order of Oraculi and the filth that populated it than any of us. I knew what they were capable of doing, what they had done, what their ultimate plans were. I hadn't heard the name in years, but it seemed like people from my past were resurfacing more and more recently. Giving a dry and bitter chuckle, I mused, "Great. I wonder who else from my dead life will appear next."

Jean sat across from me. He'd been silent the entire meeting, disdain on his face. It wasn't his place to even wear the expression he was wearing, but I knew that if I publicly addressed it, I risked my plan being exposed. So I ashed my cigarette, pursed my lips, and continued with the topic at hand. "Eld, I'll need a list of the names of his most loyal followers within the prison. People who can give me more information about him personally."

Connie, from my left, interjected. "You know they won't willingly hand over a damn word!"

Glancing at him, I frowned. "Who said anything about willingly?" 

"I'll do my best," Eld answered, giving a short nod. 

"It makes me sick," Jean finally spoke. He had his arms crossed over his chest, slouching into the back of the chair. Maybe the disdain he wore wasn't entirely at me. "I've seen the shit they do to people; kids, adults, the fuckin' elderly. It doesn't matter! There's a market for anyone, anything. And he's here, prowling around these eighteen-year-old boys like he's shopping at the damn grocery store."

"And I'm sure one eighteen-year-old boy is particularly of concern to you, Jean," Gunther hummed. He looked up from the table to glance at Jean, then the door. "Where is Marco, anyway?"

"With Eren, gossiping or doing each others' nails or something, I presume," I answered for him instead, giving a small snort. 

"No," Jean replied curtly. He tightened his arms and the furrow of his brow. "He's helping with kitchen duty since that one little Mexican guy is in the infirmary," then, as an afterthought, and after a beat of silence, he asked, "Marco told me he hadn't seen Eren since Yesterday morning."

And just like that, I felt the burn of four pairs of eyes on my skin. 

"You don't know where he is?" asked Connie, but it sounded like buzzing in my ears as my blood started to rush to my head. 

"I assumed he was with Marco," I barked, suddenly on the defensive. My hand gripped the table and I pushed my chair and myself away from it. "Jesus fucking Christ."

"When did you last see him, Levi? Is this really happening right now?" Jean demanded, the last question more to God or whatever out there controlled our fucked-up lives. 

I dropped my cigarette to the floor, dropped everything I had been trying to conceal. "I fucking- He's pissed. He's fucking mad at me, I haven't seen him since, like, fucking 6 PM or something, maybe earlier. I thought- He didn't come back to the cell last night, fucking hell, I thought he went with you and Marco or something. I don't fucking know."

"You didn't stop to consider for one second that he might be in danger?" Jean asked, accusatory and venomous. I stood frozen, eyes locked onto his own, which were stony and cold. "First you… you pull that stunt last night, now this--"

"Shut the fuck up," I seethed, lurching forward to grab the front of his shirt. I pulled him down to my eye-level before I continued through clenched teeth. "I'll fucking kill you, Jean. I don't give a fuck. Shut your fucking mouth."

"This isn't the time," Gunther interrupted, placing a calm hand on my shoulder. "Respectfully, Levi, we might not have much time."

What the fuck did that mean? Suddenly my pulse accelerated and my heart dropped like a stone to my stomach. I dropped my grip on Jean and stumbled slightly backward. Then, as though on autopilot, my feet led me to burst through the doors that led into the cafeteria. It was swarming with people, as it usually was, and so loud you could hardly hear yourself think. I didn't care. I had one thing on my mind, and it was a worst-case-scenario that was creeping up on me like a moving train. 

First, I went to Yules, a prison guard who I knew would deal with this with the severity it required. With heat in my tone, I growled, "I need you to put this entire fucking prison on lockdown. I don't care what you have to claim happened to accomplish that. Tell Erwin I've gone on a fucking killing spree, that I finally snapped. I don't care. Just get it done."

"What's going on?" he asked me, his thick eyebrows coming together in confusion. 

With a shaky and impatient breath, I exhaled, "Eren is missing. You know, lanky brown-haired kid that I am, unfortunately, responsible for. And it is in  _ everyone's _ best interest that he is returned to me unharmed." 

Yules looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but his thin lips remained tightly sealed. He gave a curt nod of trust and swiftly left the room. Without wasting another moment, I knocked aside a few plates of food on a nearby table, shoving between men to step up onto the wooden surface. Without a grandiose introduction this time, I cut right to the chase. 

"I expect each of you to give me your full, undivided attention for the next thirty seconds. If you choose to do otherwise, I will make sure you hear nothing but the sound of my sweet voice for the next 24 hours as I join you personally in solitary."

By the second sentence, the room had quieted. Stohess held 564 men in medium security and I had half of them staring at me now, but I had to be careful about my next move. Letting these men, convicted criminals and possibly some potential enemies of my own, know that I did not have Eren in my direct sight, that he was vulnerable, could very likely only worsen his situation. I didn't need more dogs on his trail. 

"Listen up closely. We are about to go into lockdown, and I don't have time for games," I barked, giving a glance to the three or four guards that stood at the edge of the room. They made no moves to stop me. "If you know where Luis Kitz, or any of his men, are, you'll come up to one of my men immediately and pass that information over. Are we understood? If you know something and you fail to report that information, I  _ will _ know. It's them or you, take your pick."

Their murmurs and whispers began, but before I could stand to be questioned, I stepped down from the table and found Eld, Gunther, Connie, and Jean standing and looking at me, waiting for instruction. "Connie," I said firmly. "Stay here and collect information from the men. Somebody in here knows something. Gunther, I want you talking to guards. Find out what they've seen, or been paid not to see. Jean and Eld, start making rounds. Look in every single room, every single closet, I don't care."

"What are you going to do?" Jean asked me.

"Threaten Erwin with his life," I answered. "What else?"

Within minutes, I was at his office. His door was open and he was on the phone, talking surprisingly loudly and urgently to whoever was on the other end.    
  
"We're not leaving lockdown until-- Yes, I know. But you don't understand the-- Oh, Levi."

Curious as I was, I didn't have time to ask who he'd been talking to. Instead, I stood in the doorway, arms crossed, trying to convey to him that I was not feeling patient. He quickly said goodbye to his mystery caller and hung up the phone before looking back to me again. "We're going on lockdown, just like you asked," he assured. "I was waiting for you to get in here before I set the alarms off."

"Well, I'm fucking here," I replied. "Set them off."

So, with a short beat of hesitation, Erwin moved to the computer and began clicking around, typing in a few codes or whatever he had to do to access the security panel. I myself had hacked into it a time or two on his computer when it benefitted my conquests. This time, I let him do it and began to pace the room without coherently deciding to do so. A minute or two passed until the blaring, ear-splitting alarm began to wail, white ceiling lights flashing with every sound off. I winced just as the emergency message came on, ordering the inmates back to their cells. 

Erwin placed his hands in his pockets. "He could just be hiding somewhere. You said yourself that he's upset--"   
  
"Don't give me that shit," I cut him off, hand raised in warning. "I know where that kid is every waking second of his life. It's been over 12 hours since I, or anyone else, has heard from him or seen him, as far as I know. With the scum you allow to populate this prison, it's no wonder why."

"You know you can't pin this on me, Levi," Erwin said firmly, voice barely loud enough to hear over the alarm. "I can't regulate the men and what they do unless I see misconduct directly; _I_ can't deal with them from the inside. That's what I have _you_ for. He's  your responsibility."

"I didn't deal with Kitz soon enough, so this is my fault? That's what you're saying?"

Erwin gave a small shrug, looking a little retractable. "Not necessarily. But this prison has four wings, four stories, and a thousand people or so within its' walls right now. I'm sending out the security task forces I have on hand, but I'm sure you probably have a better idea of where to look."

"If he is with those motherfuckers," I said, barely able to get the disgusting words to exit my mouth. "He's either going to be raped and tortured in front of a camera, or already has. If you were a sick bastard looking for privacy away from the security footage, where would you go?"

"The cellar. The Dungeon. I'd voluntarily get myself and whoever I needed with me sent to solitary. And I'd pay a guard to turn around."

"It amazes me, truly, that you know shit like this goes on within your prison and you continue to act so fucking nonchalant." 

"Levi, it's not my prison, you know as well as I do that I have next to no power to stop the corruption that goes on here."

Still, this somehow felt like his fault. Like the negligence in the chain of command at Stohess was to blame. This wasn't new, though, and I had no right to even be surprised. We saw things like this on the daily; injustice and corruption and violence with no retribution. It hadn't felt so jarring until I was slapped in the face with Eren's disappearance, not even when I was a victim of it myself. 

I took a deep breath, one hand on the doorknob. "You're going to have the entire security footage reviewed. You're going to deploy every security officer to search for him. You're going to stay here and wait for information, and as soon as you have it, you're going to let me know of it. Clear?"

Erwin stared at me blankly. Then, he sat back in his chair and raised his hands in surrender. "I'm not arguing."

I knew Erwin was bordering the line of asking me, _ "why do you even care?" _ , but he was smart enough not to. I would have probably lost my shit if he had. Anything could have happened in those 12 hours. He could, realistically, be dead, but I knew he wasn't. Luis Kitz wasn't stupid enough to kill him, or anyone, and likely wasn't even dealing with Eren personally. My mind was swarming with worst-case-scenarios, but I was still able to make three clear, logical, assumptions: Kitz would have sent out his hounds instead of risking getting caught himself, the only part of the prison which was accessible to inmates and didn't have cameras was the basement, and Eren was waiting for him. 

"I want a list of the names of every man that works alongside Kitz," I heard myself saying, suddenly on autopilot. When Erwin nodded and I felt he understood my panic, and I moved to leave, but paused shortly to say, "I don't know what you're hiding, Erwin, but I'm going to find out."

I watched his blue eyes soften, suddenly looking very tired and worn. "I know."

With that, I left the room, slamming the door behind me and not looking back. 

-

Every security guard was on call. The halls and rooms were bare. The only inmates not being contained were me and my men, per Erwin's orders. I had them split up between floors, but I left the basement for Jean and I to deal with personally. I had a heavy, anxious feeling in my gut that told me he had to be down there, but I didn't want a stampede of security going to search for him. For one, that would put Eren in more danger, and for two, I didn't know which of them I could trust. My enemies were not exclusively inmates.    


Those goddamn alarms were still blaring, but at this point, I was nearly numb to it. Jean stood at my side as I peered ahead of us at the steel double-doors, knowing exactly what laid ahead behind them. The basement was a part of the prison where no inmates were allowed, but that didn't mean they didn't manage their way down there. It wasn't impossible; if you were close with a guard or even a member of the staff, they could easily card you into the area. Or, if you were a man like Luis Kitz, you could wait until the dead of night before breaking into the guard's locker-room and taking a card for yourself. This wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. 

"There are four wings," I heard myself say. My words bounced off the cold walls and the silence of the hallway. "The two left wings are storage, electric, and abandoned offices."

Jean looked at me, expression like stone. "And the right two are The Dungeon. If he's anywhere down there..."

He didn't have to finish.

There were countless stories and tales about The Dungeon, both between the inmates and the general public of the city of Stohess. It was where people were sent for solitary, but it was also where the most deranged or high-security inmates were held when the prison was first built fifty years ago. The cells are completely bare and windowless, and now, rusted over and water-logged. The cells used for solitary had been minorly revamped, but the entire lower-level smelled of mildew and rot. 

If Eren was down there, which I was certain he was, they would have him in the second right-wing; the abandoned confinement cells that had no cameras and no security patrolling them. 

As soon as one of the guards keyed us into the lower level, I wasted no time. Jean was able to match my sense of urgency and together we barrelled down the poorly-lit metal staircase, my right hand wrapped tightly around the shiv in my pocket that I knew I would likely have to make use of. All I could see in my mind was Eren's face, contorted in horror or pain, which I had seen myself a time or two in response to my own actions. Those ocean-green eyes glazed over with fear or tears or both. His asthma, which they could have triggered or used against him. He was being suscepted to God-only-knows-what, but my mind was able to come up with a few unshakable scenarios. 

I was going to go absolutely fucking mental. My hands were shaking, my vision was getting more blurred by the second, and I wanted to scream. To vomit. Anything. He was waiting on me to find him, and I had already taken this long to realize he was even missing.

I only realized that I had been entirely lost in my thoughts when Jean stopped directly in front of me and I collided into his back. Confused, I tried to demand him to keep moving, but before I could, he looked at me firmly and said, "He's going to be alright, Levi. He's smarter than they think."

So, instead, I said nothing. All I could offer was a single, stern nod, and then we continued trudging forward through the darkly-lit hallways and corridors. 

We stayed incredibly quiet, our footsteps falling lightly but still ringing off the stone walls somehow, and eventually, we found ourselves at the wing where I knew they'd be holding him. I wasn't an idiot, of course, and that's why Jean had a walkie that would call for Erwin to send in a backup team of guards at our call. The eerily silence and darkness of the wing made my anxiety spike as soon as we rounded the corner. Mold climbed the stone bricks, water pooled on the dilapidated concrete floors, and the temperature noticeably dropped about ten degrees. Ahead of us were four confinement cells, each equipped with old, rusted shackles and steel doors. He could be in any one of them, but there was one in particular that stood out. 

Jean pointed ahead, but I had already locked eyes on the one cell with its door slightly ajar, having falling just a couple inches open as if taunting us, calling us inside. Jean made a move toward it but I quickly took ahold of his arm. At his puzzled glance, I shook my head, and mouthed,  _ "It's a trap." _

Eren wasn't in there, but I was willing to bet someone else was. Waiting. 

And so, I had to reevaluate. Eren probably wasn't in any of these four cells. If I had to guess, they were being guarded with Kitz's men inside, waiting to attack as soon as we entered. They were using him as bait. It wasn't him they wanted, it was me. I had to keep my mind clear. I couldn't let my rage consume me, not yet.  _ He's somewhere down here, _ I thought to myself frantically.  _ Think, Levi. Where the fuck could he be? _

At that exact moment, as though he could read my mind, a pebble of concrete rubble came quietly bounding out of the boiler room behind us, which we had completely overlooked. I turned, eyes locking onto the small gray stone that stopped at my feet, and I couldn't help but grin.  _ You clever kid. _

I didn't wait around for another sign. Jean stood guard at the entrance and I bolted inside, finding myself faced with boilers, pipes, and water heaters. A confusing maze of equipment and everything doused in the pitch black. And then, the sound of metal shifting upon metal, and my head snapped to the right. Chained behind a generator was Eren, and I dove under a set of pipes to reach him, pulling his face into my hands, feeling his cold skin on my fingertips before my eyes could even adjust to make out his figure. 

"Eren," was the first word out of my mouth, rasped out like a gasp, breathy and desperate. His wrists were chained behind his back, a gag made of white cloth in his mouth. His clothes had been torn and bloody in places, but that's all I could make out in the darkness. Eren's eyes were as wide as saucers, filling quickly with those hot, wet, tears I feared so badly. Still holding his face in my hands, I shushed him, trying to calm him, but he began to rapidly shake his head  _ no _ . Before my confusion could even settle in, I had my own arms pinned behind my back and I was put face-first onto the cold concrete. 

As my face pressed against the ground thanks to a heavy boot crushing into my skull, Eren began to wail through the cloth as loudly as he could, pulling and thrashing against the chains. Tears fell from his eyes as he panicked, but I could do nothing except watch. He kicked and pulled and cried, but within moments he was met with a shiv pressed against his neck. 

Suddenly, he stilled, absolute terror in his eyes. 

"Cut it the fuck out!" I growled through gritted teeth, struggling against the force pressing me into the floor. "He'll be fucking quiet, okay, get that away from his fucking throat!"

I made eye contact with Eren, trying to convey to him that he had to comply, he had to be good for a moment. It would all be okay. He stared back at me, chest heaving rapidly, and I considered worriedly if he could even breathe right now. 

The figure at the side of Eren shifted, sitting on one knee. He lowered the blade from Eren's throat but kept it pointed at his side. "You know it isn't him we want, Levi," the voice said. It was familiar, and I was able to register that it was Kitz after all, come to join in on the action himself. "You're far more valuable to us than some orphaned child."

"Really? I thought children were sort of your thing, Kitz. Oraculi seems to  _ value _ children pretty highly," I spat, and with that remark, the boot pressed down into my skull with more force. To keep myself from groaning in pain, I ground my teeth together.

Kitz's face broke out into a smirk, a disgusting chuckle erupting from his chest. His stringy, balding hair hung in his face, wet and matted with sweat. "You'd know something about that, wouldn't you, Ackerman? Did you ever tell your loverboy about that dirty little secret of yours?"

I felt a growl rumble in my throat. "My secrets are fucking pure as snow compared to yours, you sick fuck."

"Oh, cut the shit," Kitz said lowly, voice entirely void of teasing now. "You knew he'd be revolted to find out anything about your past. About Paris. About Berlin. That's why you've never told him anything, but don't worry. We told him all about it while we sliced pretty shapes into his skin."

I said nothing. I  _ could _ say nothing. This entire situation was like an awful, unending nightmare. Eren was looking at me, but I couldn't read his expression through the darkness. I only hoped he wasn't looking at me with resentment or hatred. Then again, why shouldn't he?

"We've got him all up to date," Kitz continued, a filthy hand moving to smooth down Eren's face. With disgust, Eren jerked backward and let out a cry. "Don't start whining now, bitch."

"What did you do to him?" I asked. Eren hung his head to the side, as far from Kitz as those chains would allow him to move. 

"Nothing compared to what happened to you, Ackerman. But we made him listen to every story, every gory detail of your treatment while we gagged him and cut into him every time he cried out. How you were sold by your uncle at only eight years old, used and raped and beaten by the elite of the order before being forced to become a soldier in the streets. He's so fucking lovesick for you that this was, we figured, more unbearable for him to suffer through than to actually torture him."

"You're a fucking pig," I sneered, struggling against the hands that had my own pinned to my back. I hadn't had to be confronted with those nightmares in years, and I didn't have the guts to look at Eren now, knowing the pain and hurt in his eyes would force me to give up any fighting will I had left.  _ For the love of God, Jean, will you hurry the fuck up? _ "I'll fucking murder you myself. I'll rip you to fucking shreds. You're going to rot in hell and I can't fucking wait to join you there."

"Now, really," Kitz laughed. "Did you think we were already finished with you? You know as well as we do that you have unfinished business you need to… take care of yourself. Some debts to be repaid, some sins to repent for."

"I have  _ no _ business with you or Oraculi besides driving every one of you fuckers into the ground."

"You see, Ackerman, we didn't want to reveal all the juicy details and spoil the ending for Eren here," he continued, ignoring my comment, haphazardly waving the shiv around as he spoke. "There's a climax to this story we've been holding onto for you, Eren. And I don't even think Levi himself has put it together yet."

I went rigid. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Back, say, about 8 years ago, you were two years into a long, drawn-out trial for a few petty crimes, weren't you?" Kitz asked me rhetorically, grin splitting across his face. He didn't want an answer from me. Lost as I was, I probably couldn't have given him one. "You were out on parole when suddenly, out of the blue, you had a new charge tacked onto your sentence; you found yourself handcuffed and thrown into prison within days, serving the sentence for the murder of a woman, alongside your partner Jean Kirstein. Surely, you remember her name, Levi?"

And suddenly, it all made sense. 

"You were given a life sentence for the murder of--" 

"No, hold on, I didn't fucking murder her! I didn't fucking--"

"Carla Jaeger, wife of famed underground surgeon and ex-Oraculi treasonist, Grisha Jaeger."

All I could do was choke. I clenched my eyes shut as tightly as I could to make it disappear, trying to drown it all out. _ There's no way, there's no fucking way. I can't do this. I would rather die, I would rather he slit my throat right now. I can't look Eren in the face, I can't explain myself, I can't even fucking breathe. _

_ How could you forget her name? How did you never put this together? You pushed it all away, tried to forget about the headlines, the accusations, the lies. _

_ His mother. Eren thinks you murdered his mother. _

I caught one glimpse of the haunted look in Eren's eyes before shit hit the fan. Everything after that happened in a whirl. Guards burst into the room, and within what seemed like seconds, I was hoisted off of the ground and onto my feet. Eren had disappeared, and I was being dragged out of the room before I could even react. The noise and commotion made my head spin, and I felt so fucking faint that my vision kept blacking in and out. People were shouting, men were being handcuffed and detained, and Kitz himself was knocked unconscious by Yules, who I would have to eternally thank after this all got wrapped up. 

As I was carried out of the room, registering the commotion but barely conscious, I spotted Jean off to the side, walkie still in his hand, looking at me with concern and worry. 

I made eye contact with him, as best I could. My next words were sour in my mouth. "Carla Jaeger," I said, just loud enough for him to hear. 

"What?" he asked me, confused. 

"His mother," was my defeated answer as I closed my eyes and let my head slump back. "Carla Jaeger was his mother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed! don't forget: if you have an AU, prompt, or idea for a fanfic you would like to see me write, let me know in the comments. i'm looking for another project to start over break possibly :ˆ) 
> 
> thanks for reading!


	13. He's a two-time felonious murderer.

I was carted upstairs, but as soon as we were through the steel doors, I demanded to be let go I fought against the guards and shoved them all away, before locking eyes with Erwin and feeling my blood pressure rise. And my rage was blinding, somehow this was all his fault. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, growling, "Where the fuck is he?"

"I'm not the enemy, Levi, you can let go of me now," Erwin said in that condescending tone he always fucking used with me. "Kitz is being detained, and he'll be dealt with accordingly. As for Eren, he's being taken to the infirmary. You can see him after his vitals have been taken and he's stabilized."

"Fuck that," I barreled. "I want to see him now. He's scared, he has no clue. If you won't let me see Eren, at least let me at--"

Erwin very suddenly had his hand on my upper arm, coaxing  _ me _ away from the crowd of people and the commotion. It was like the room was spinning, and although I was being pulled into every different direction, I had just one goal in mind. I wanted to find Eren, or first, I wanted to kill Kitz with my bare hands. Only something was getting in my way; Erwin pulling me down the corridor and into his office. 

As soon as the door was shut behind him, Erwin turned to me, but I wasn't exactly in the mood to chat. I motioned towards him impatiently, my adrenaline still pumping. "Well, fucking get on with it!"

"Thank you," Erwin said firstly, to which I contorted my face in disgust. It didn't sound right coming out of his mouth. "For following the plan and not doing what I  _ know _ you  _ wanted _ to do. Thank you for not compromising the mission."

Quietly, I pulled the make-shift-looking shank out of my pocket, setting it on the desk firmly. Erwin's eyes flickered to it quickly. "Here, this is what you wanted, right?"

His gaze met mine once more. "You knew?"

"Of course I fucking knew. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even taken the damn thing. I don't need a shiv to fight," I told him, although this was not news to him. He said nothing. "I could have killed him with my bare hands."

"How did you know it was bugged?" Erwin asked me calmly, before picking the altered weapon up and peering at it.

I had known the moment I had left Erwin's office with the damn thing in my pocket, the moment that not one person searched me for it. "Because not a single guard tried to take it from me. I'm not an idiot." 

He straightened out his suit jacket, giving one firm nod. "I wasn't sure if you would cooperate. I wanted his confession and any other information he had on Oraculi recorded. I wasn't sure if you would have gone through with it, especially after he started revealing things about you. Now that we have him on audio, though, we can take him down for associat--"

"So you were listening in the entire time," I cut him off, my voice cold. "And you didn't send your men in the second he put a  _ knife _ to Eren's  _ fucking throat _ ?"   
  
"I needed more information," Erwin told me, no remorse in his tone or expression. "It had to wait."   
  
I shouldn't have been surprised. Erwin was the sort of person that did whatever it took to accomplish his goals. He cared about nobody else on more than a surface level, and I knew wholeheartedly that, had I been the one with a knife to my throat, he would have behaved just the same. Although none of this should have been a shock to me, I still found myself unable to formulate a decent response. I said the only thing that came to mind; "Fuck you."

A small, slightly-amused smile appeared on his face. His hands went into his pockets. "Why are you so angry on his behalf, Levi? Surely you know I wouldn't allow one of my inmates to die on my call. All he suffered was, at worst, surface wounds and some hunger. Besides, aren't you the one who is going to transfer, leaving him to fend for himself?"

If I was mad before, I was enraged then. 

"You  _ stupid _ , motherfucking cocksucker," I spat, my eyes narrowing as I stepped forward and placed myself in his face. "I made that decision to  _ protect  _ him, not to throw him to the fucking wolves. His feelings for me are only dangerous to himself. And can't you see? He got in this fucking situation  _ because _ of me,  _ because _ of his relation to me. It would have never happened if he wasn't my cellmate to begin with, and whose dumbass mistake was that?"

"He would be a target regardless of your interference," Erwin answered simply. He barely flinched at my getting in his face. "If you weren't here to protect him, he'd be targeted for his looks and his naivety. Kitz would have planned an even  _ worse _ attack. He only used Eren to get to you, but if you weren't a factor, he would have likely raped him, filmed it, and sold it for a profit."

Time slowed, and so did my breathing. Whether Erwin was right or not wasn't something I was in the right state of mind to consider at that moment. All I knew was that Eren would probably never forgive me. "So what?" I asked plainly, my jaw locking in frustration. "No matter what I choose, he gets hurt."

"So let him choose for himself. He's an adult, despite what you seem to think. If he's old enough to be sent to prison, he's old enough to decide he's in love."

Erwin's gaze was firm, his tone suggesting no room for argument. But that word still brought a sour taste to my mouth. It wasn't believable, it wasn't feasible; even if he meant it, there was no way that I could, in good conscience, encourage Eren's feelings for me. I was not what someone like Eren needed. He was someone who had his entire life ahead of him, who would probably leave prison soon and never look back. Whatever he did to get here, I was sure he regretted it and would never return. In the months that he'd been here, he'd suffered enough to learn a lesson. Mostly at the hands of myself.

He would leave and wouldn't come back, just like he should. Just like I wanted him to. I hadn't allowed myself to think about what I felt, only that the thought of him being in pain made me want to puke and the thought of him waiting for me to come to him made me feel like the worst person alive. I hadn't allowed myself to consider that awful churning in my stomach that came every time he cried, the blatant urgency I felt to fix it when he was angry with me, or the peace that seemed to hang in the air when he smiled or laughed. These were things I had definitely  _ never _ considered before, only to push to the depths of my mind and ignore. Definitely not. 

"He'll probably be out on parole within a few years, if not a few months," I said caustically. "He'll get over it just fine." By it, of course, I meant me.

As I moved to the door, finished with Erwin's condescending bullshit, I heard him begin to speak again behind me. "Levi, do you have any clue why I wasn't worried about Eren while he was with Kitz?"

_ Because you're a heartless bastard? _ I turned to look at him over my shoulder. "Enlighten me."

"Because," Erwin continued, an uncharacteristic grin spreading over his face. "He's a two-time felonious murderer. I knew he'd be able to take care of himself."

-

I was ordered away from the infirmary ward unless I was willing to check myself in, and I refused to be put on bed rest for any amount of time. It would be at least an hour until Eren was stabilized, and I was turned away despite my most colorful curses and creative threats. 

Instead of just standing there and foaming at the mouth, I decided to make myself useful. I returned to the cell, gathering up a fresh pair of clothing for Eren, but on my way out the door, I paused, glancing back into the room.  _ No, _ I thought to myself firmly.  _ You'll only make things worse.  _ But my finger twitched and that was enough, and I found myself walking back into the room to grab two more things; Eren's book and a blanket off of my bed. 

And then, with time to kill, I walked to Jean and Marco's cell. We were no longer on lockdown, as the threat was considered to be neutralized. Yet I knew that Jean would have gone directly to Marco following the commotion and Marco would've been too nervous to go anywhere besides the cell. 

As I approached, I saw that Marco was sitting on the edge of Jean's bed and Jean was standing, motioning around as he described whatever he was speaking about. Standing within the doorway a little awkwardly, I watched as their eyes eventually floated to me. 

“Why aren't you in the infirmary right now?” Jean asked in a jolt. 

I shifted, motioning the items I held in my arms a little towards them. “I had to get some stuff to bring him.”   
  
“I wasn't talking about Eren, I was talking about you. You're exhausted.”

My eyes scanned between the two of them, Marco looking sympathetic and Jean standing on the defense. Disregarding his comment, I asked, “Where is he?”    


“You're talking about Kitz, right? They arrested him, if that's what you can call it, considering we're already in prison.”

I scoffed, blood turning hot all over again. “So that's it. He'll be transferred to another prison just to continue his sick, twisted acts there.”

“I don't think so,” Jean told me, confident eyes gleaming as he put his hands into his pockets. “He'll be tried for his involvement with Oraculi, which he admitted to on tape. That's on top of the charges he'll have from kidnapping and assaulting Eren, of course. But I agree, it's not nearly enough. At least we know he'll be in the hospital for a while.”

“Why would he be--”

“Because I stabbed him in the stomach at least three times while he was being carted out of the basement.”

Marco’s eyes shifted to the floor and I knew Jean wasn't lying. I felt pride swell in me, knowing that Jean had avenged us when I couldn't. It wasn't just about Eren and Kitz directly, it was about Oraculi in its entirety, the people who put us into this prison and the people who had made our lives hell. 

Giving a short nod, I could only say, “Thank you.”

Jean gave a small shrug, but he was struggling not to smile. “Ah, shit, Levi. I don't think I've ever heard those words out of your mouth before. You're gonna make me blush.”

"How are you not in solitary right now?” Marco was asking now, looking up at Jean with those big brown eyes. He always gawked at Jean like he was in awe, like Jean was an enigma he would never understand. I wondered briefly if Eren looked at me like that. 

“Well…” Jean trailed, scratching the back of his head. “Everyone was so disgusted with him that they sort of just let it slide. Called it self-defense, even though he was clearly detained. If Erwin had seen it, who knows.”

Then, Marco's eyes turned to me, softening as his eyebrows came together. “What are  _ you _ doing here? Eren is probably waiting for you.”   
  
Marco rarely talked to me, and it was a little strange to have the kid questioning me directly now. I looked down at the things I held and I said, “They won't let me see him yet. And if I'm being honest, Marco, I have no damn clue what I'm going to say.”

“You think he's going to be pissed at you?” Jean asked. 

“He won't be,” Marco answered before I could. “All he's going to want is to see you right now.”

Somehow, I knew he was right. We fell into silence as the three of us had nothing to respond with. If anyone understood the way Eren would be thinking right now, it would've been Marco. I could only hope that he was right, that Eren wasn't resenting me for what happened to him. I knew I was going to have to explain to him what had really happened all those years ago. And yet, this wasn't what Marco was talking about. 

Frowning, I asked Marco, “So you know what happened?”

He gave a small, almost sad smile in return. “He told me he was going to tell you. And then Jean said you were mad last night so I figured… well.”

Giving a short nod, I looked at Jean once more before turning from the cell. 

“Hey Levi,” Jean caught me as I was leaving. It seemed everyone was intent on revealing their introspective thoughts to me today. I met his eyes, and his expression was firm and serious now. “Don't."

I understood what he was pertaining to, but said nothing as I left.

To my surprise, the nurse let me into the infirmary without a fight when I returned. I had so many different thoughts in my head I thought it might explode. I had so many things I needed to explain, to apologize for. I had just learned the true nature of Eren's sentence, and I would be a liar if I said that it hadn't shocked the hell out of me. Then again, I never had asked, and neither had he. I was certainly in no position to judge a killer, but I couldn't imagine  _ him _ , eager-to-please Eren, ever hurting anything more than a fly. 

Approaching the area I was directed to, I was unusually nervous. What if he hated my fucking guts? Demanded to never see me again? What if he was hurt worse than I'd believed? I wouldn't be able to stand listening to him denounce me, or to see him unconscious in bed with bruises and cuts all over his skin. But I had to do this, because if he  _ was _ waiting worriedly for me to come to him, that would be even more grueling. I took a deep breath as I pulled back the curtain a little, revealing the hospital bed. Eren was there, sitting up against the bed-frame with brown hair sprawled against three fluffy pillows, and holding a giant bowl of… soup? 

Suddenly, Eren's eyes met mine and a million-dollar smile appeared. "Levi."

Relief flooded me. His voice was a little raspy, but still indisputably his; thick as honey and twice as sweet. His hair had been combed through, his various cuts cleaned and taped together, and a bandage was wrapped snugly around the top of his head. The rest of his body was covered by a blanket and his hospital gown, but I was able to see his toes wiggle beneath the covers in excitement, like a fucking child. And I was supposed to believe he was a double-murderer. 

"Hi, you little shit. Look at you," I said, my voice breathier than I'd expected. I approached him, my fingertips moving to inspect the cut that sliced across his eyebrow, but I found myself afraid to touch him for the first time since I'd met him. "What the hell did I get you into?"

His toothy grin had settled into a cheeky smile, looking like a sly boy who had tricked his mother into staying home sick from school as he set the bowl aside. Bloody, red cuts littered his legs, arms, and probably elsewhere, as well. His hair had been pushed back from his face, and emerald eyes locked on mine through dark, thick lashes. Finally, he hummed, "I got a little banged up, huh?"

My resolve fell to pieces despite my best efforts. It was like all the anticipation, the stress, the breakdown I was on the verge of, hit me at once. I sat on the bed at his side, holding my head in my hands as everything came crashing down."I didn't-- I'm so fucking sorry, Eren."

Eren brought one warm hand up to wrap around my arm, warm and inviting and I didn't understand how he could react this way to me considering what he'd been led to believe. He looked at me with this fucking debilitatingly forgiving look, like he didn't care about anything that had happened in the last 14 hours. He looked at me like he was in love. 

"It's alright, Levi," he assured softly. I closed my eyes in response. "I just-- You didn't really…?"

" _ No _ , Eren,  _ no.  _ I didn't--" I nearly burst, taking ahold of the hand he'd placed on my arm. "I fucking didn't. It was pinned on me, you can ask Jean, he went down for it too. I was in fucking custody when it happened, and I couldn't have--" 

Leaning forward, Eren cut me off in the most cliche way possible. He pressed his lips to mine, softly, like feathers. He was kissing me, something I would never have allowed 24 hours ago, but all I could do was press into it. Whatever he wanted, he was going to get in that moment.

"I'm so sorry for what you went through," he said, quietly, emerald orbs suddenly swimming in emotion as he pulled just enough away from me. Sadness, sorrow, sympathy. "I never knew. You never told me."

"You never needed to hear it," I answered. It was true that my experience with Oraculi wasn't something I spoke about freely, but I also would have never allowed Eren to hear the sort of things that occurred. "It's my past. I don't think about it when I can avoid it, and I wouldn't have put that burden on you."

"I guess there are things I haven't told you about me, too," Eren said almost sheepishly.  _ Yeah, no shit. _ "But you never asked.”

A nurse came over and checked a few of the deeper cuts on Eren's body. Eren laid pliant, allowed the woman to check his forearm and cheek, and my presence was entirely ignored by her until she left. As soon as his arm was released, Eren's hand found mine without him even glancing for it. It was one of those weird, small things that made my brain stop functioning momentarily because I couldn't process the emotions I felt in response. It didn't  _ bother _ me when Eren spontaneously touched me or showed me small signs of affection, though I knew that it should. Now was not the time to sort those feelings, or my further intentions, out. 

"How do you feel?" I asked him as he settled back against the pillows once more. His eyes were lazily half-open, fingers intertwined with my own. Unconsciously, I began to rub my thumb across his hand. 

"Tired," he told me, punctuating this with a yawn. Then he quickly added, "They gave me some kind of sedative to make me sleep. But don't go. Will you stay here until I fall asleep? Please?"

I had never allowed myself to explore my own feelings for Eren, instead opting to believe I had none. But that was a blatant lie, and I was becoming painfully aware of that fact. I very obviously worried about him, cared for him, aimed to make him happy. It was impossible, and I couldn't wrap my head around it in the slightest. It made a sick, nauseous feeling wash over me, it made everything I thought I had known require recalculating. Whether it was stupid shit, like reading him a book in French or staying by his side until he fell asleep, I was willing to do it to see him smile. 

I couldn't remember ever receiving love before in my life, but if I had to imagine what it felt like to love someone, I would guess it was something like that. 

I shifted, placing my back against the wall so that I sat beside him. Pressing my lips lightly to the side of his head, I murmured, "Just go to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyyyyy so excited to be posting this!!!!!!! my boys <3


	14. Calm down, John Wick.

After Eren passed out cold and I sat there for an hour or so, the nurse came over to take his vitals again and I headed out of the infirmary, per visiting hours. I didn't feel like making a scene after everything the day had consisted of, especially if it meant putting more strain on Eren. I went back to my cell and also managed to fall soundly asleep in minutes, exhausted from the stress and the emotions that had built up. 

When I woke up again, it was dark outside. I wasn't sure what time it was, but Eren wasn't there. I knew they'd probably keep him overnight, but I still hated staring at the empty bed across the room and not being able to keep my eye on him. It was unfathomable that, only months ago, that very bed had once been permanently unoccupied. The room would feel empty without Eren's items and clothes thrown around the place, although it used to annoy me to no end. I sat on the edge of my own bed, peering over at Eren's side of the room, his belongings illuminated by the moonlight and streetlight that gleamed through the window. What was going to happen when he came back? I wanted-- no, needed-- more information about Eren's sentence. 

How could a kid like Eren, barely of age, have murdered anyone,  _ anything _ in cold blood?  _ My  _ Eren, who was scared of fucking spiders and couldn't sleep without his favorite blanket? It made no sense. I was, even now, being left in the dark. There was more information being held from me, only now I knew about it. Erwin wasn't telling me something. Who had Eren killed? Was it all a misunderstanding? Why had he never mentioned it, when he told me every other detail about his entire life? Why was Erwin being so protective over Kitz, not allowing myself or any of my men too close? It was obvious that Erwin needed him alive, and that he had placed some sort of value on the sick fuck's life. The question was why. 

Something was proving to be building up, and I wanted to know what it was before it all exploded. I was done being the last to know, and whatever I had to do to get the information I wanted, I was willing to do. Suddenly, drug deals and gang wars seemed minuscule in comparison to the grand picture. Although it was still hazy, I was beginning to piece things together. It wouldn't take me long to figure out what Erwin had up his sleeve. 

It was still the middle of the night, so I forced myself to fall back asleep, no matter how eerie and cold the room felt. I knew of someone who would be up early and in her office. Someone who would know more than I did about the situation at hand, even if she liked to pretend like she was as naive as the rest of us. Finding her was the easy part. Getting her talk would be more difficult. 

I went to the infirmary first thing in the morning, after a short shower and grabbing an apple for breakfast. Eren was there, but he was still asleep, having been heavily drugged for his pain. I sat beside him on the bed, not resisting the urge I felt to touch the soft locks of hair that fell over his pillow. He looked serene like that, but I knew that it would not last long. There was a very important conversation that we needed to have, one that he was not likely to enjoy. 

"Good morning," I told him, my voice low and quiet so as not to disturb any of the other patients. My words for him only, anyway. 

Stirring, one eye was peeled open as he stretched out his arms. "Levi."

"How do you feel?"

"Better," he replied, a goofy smile taking over his face as he relaxed against his pillow. My hand fell back into my lap. "I'm glad you came."

"We need to talk," I said. 

Confusion washed over his features before it was replaced with a frown, green eyes rapidly blinking at me. I remained poker-faced, not wanting to elevate any feelings of his. "What? No, we don't. Everything was fine last night. What are you talking about?" 

"I can't just ignore--"

"Yes, you can," Eren cut me off. His hand snatched up my own, and I allowed him to do so, my eyes watching as he intertwined our fingers. It made a guilty pit settle in my stomach, as the confession he made to me only nights ago replayed in my mind. "Leave it alone, Levi, I'm not going to apologize for saying what I said."

At least he knew what I wanted from him. For him to take it back. "Why not?"

"Because I meant it. I meant it completely. I know that's not what you want to hear.”

“You’re right,” I told him truthfully. “It’s not.”

“I can’t help it. I know you think it’s stupid, and I know it’s just more stress added onto your life,” Eren murmured. “I know you have a life sentence.”

“Then why?” I replied, tone deadly serious as I looked him directly in his eye. He attempted to squeeze my fingers pitifully, but I didn't acknowledge it. “What do you think is going to come from this little crush? You don't even have an inkling as to what goes on in my life, which I think yesterday was a testament of."

"If you would have let me in from the start," Eren said, and he wasn't backing down from the gaze we held. "I wouldn't have been left in the dark."

Ah, so the kid was stealing my own words right out of my mouth. 

“Here’s what it’s about,” I told him, reaching my good hand up to rub my eyes tiredly. “It’s about my past. It’s about the people who want me dead and the people who rely on me to keep them alive. It’s about everything that I’ve missed in the past 10 years. About everything I’ll miss in the next 10, and the 10 after that. It’s about Christmas and the fact that I'm about to turn 32."

Eren was watching me with these wide eyes. He always did this, hanging onto every word I said as if I had the answers to the world’s secrets. I had no answers. That’s what he didn’t fucking realize. 

“It’s about you, 18 years old, most likely in here on false charges," I continued on. He said nothing in response. “You’d do anything to get out of here, but if I left… I wouldn’t know how to live. I have no family, I have no friends, I have no idea where I would begin. I’ve been in here since I was 22 years old and I don't even want to leave anymore. The petty drama, the stupid drug cartels, the responsibility I have to these men, and  _ you _ . That’s all I’ve got, Eren, do you fucking get it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he dropped my hand as he said this, and his tone had turned icy. It pierced right through me. “You know nothing about me, just what you assume.” 

“I don’t need to know anything to know that I’m not what you need, not what you want, no matter what you think.”

“This discussion is done,” I told him, standing again. “When I get out of this room, I’m going to take care of my business, and we are going to focus on getting you a parole hearing arranged. Do you understand?”

I left immediately, not waiting for his answer. After I gave three firm knocks to the door of Hanji's office, I heard shuffling behind the door. Not wanting to give her time to think of any mental escape routes, I ordered, "Hanji, open the damn door. I know you're in there."

"It's before my office hours," she called back, sing-song. "Please come back later!"

"Hanji, open the damn door before I open it for you."

And then the door swung open, revealing the disheveled and heavily breathing therapist, in all her chaotic glory. "I have no information for you, Levi. Also, threatening federal employees is considered a very serious offense!"

"I think we both know that you know more than you're letting on, Hanji," I said cooly. I had known this woman my entire sentence, having met her the day I entered Stohess. If I knew anyone, I knew Hanji, and how to tell when she was lying. She pushed up her glasses, readjusted her shirt, and sucked in her cheeks. And at that moment, she was doing all three. 

"I don't have a clue what you're on about," the glasses were shifted. "Erwin tells me nothing. Why don't you go heckle him!"

"He won't tell me shit, four-eyes. Stop playing dumb."

A huff, followed by the sucking in of her cheeks. "I have important work to do. 

"This  _ is _ important work, shit for brains. The most important work happening within these concrete walls. And you know more than I do. As soon as I figure out whatever it is that you and every other crook around here is hiding from me, I swear to god--"

"Alright, alright, calm down, John Wick," Hanji quipped, raising a tired hand. With a sigh, she readjusted her shirt and recited a statement that was practically copy-and-pasted. "There have been developments in a major case regarding a key underground criminal organization, and therefore, the case has been reopened, with new information being considered at present." 

_ I'm going to go ballistic.  _ "Erwin knew I was coming, didn't he? Is that what he emailed you to tell me?"

"No comment," answered Hanji, frowning slightly. 

"I assume that my good friend Kitz is involved in this?"

"Levi, I really can't say much more, except that you shouldn't just to conclus--"

"And why the fuck not?" I asked, venom in my tone. "Every time I get left in the dark, I get fucked over. Whether by the system, by Erwin, by the other inmates in this fucking prison. I refuse to keep letting shit go over my head."

Hanji's eyes softened, and she replied. "I'm sorry, Levi. Go to Eren, I know he is wondering where you are. Just trust that everything is under contr--"

"Ms. Zoe," demanded a voice from behind me. My jaw clenched involuntarily. "I believe you have a meeting to be preparing for?"

Hanji flushed, grumbling something under her breath as she turned promptly on her heel. I turned as well, facing the straight-faced intruder that was Erwin Smith. I began to speak, ready to tell him a piece of my mind, but he cut me off. 

"Levi, you have a visitor. I felt it necessary to tell you personally."

_ A visitor?  _ Who the hell could that be? I hadn't had a visitor in years, and my last one had only been my lawyer. Before I could ask, Erwin was leaving, clearly more involved in other affairs. Hanji's door had been shut, as well, and I was left on my own in the corridor. I mentally sent Eren a message that I would see him soon before I headed towards the visiting center, which I had nearly forgotten about entirely. A lot of the guys here had regular visitors, be it their children, wives, or business partners. I preferred my business to be indirect, and thus I chose not to have face-to-face meetings with anyone from the outside. The further distance I could put between myself and the trade, I did. 

I couldn't help assuming that it was someone from the connection that was here to see me, come to tag me for what had gone down with Kitz. Or it was one of the men I coordinated from the outside, bringing an emergency to my feet for me to handle in wake of the activities of the day before. Either way, my hands felt clammy. 

I pushed through the large metal doors, approaching the desk attendant while simultaneously attempting to peer through the blurred windows to see who was sitting on the other side. 

"Name?" I was asked. 

"Levi Ackerman."

"You have thirty minutes. A brief hug is permitted upon greeting and exiting. Otherwise, no physical touching, and no exchanging of any physical items."

I tuned it out.  _ Who the hell is on the other side of this wall? _

I went through the metal detector and once I was cleared, I was faced with the entry door that led out into the visiting room. Several tables were set up with two chairs each, and there were some toys for the kids to play with. Once the door was opened, I scanned the room, looking for a familiar face among the people. I soon locked eyes on my visitor. Her hair was shorter than I remembered.

"Levi," she said, standing from her seat at a table. She had gloves, a coat, and a scarf on. Her nose and cheeks were still rosy from the wind. She looked uneasy, and why wouldn't she? 

I was just as unsure. I stayed planted where I was, hands in my pockets. "Mikasa," I answered, before clearing my throat. Slowly I made my way over to the table where she stood, and she pursed her lips before sitting back down. 

"I, um," she began, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. She had it cut shorter than I'd last seen it seven years ago. I wondered what her life was like now, what else had changed. "It's been a long time. I know you said to stop coming but I felt like this was important enough."

I eased myself into a chair across from her, folding my arms across my chest. Mikasa was my cousin, born to my French uncle and his Japanese wife. We were never close, but she was the only cousin that I'd grown up knowing. We only met twice in our entire childhood. So, I lied when I told Eren I didn't have any family. That was by my own choice; I'd made Mikasa stop visiting years ago. 

"How have you been?" I asked her before she could ask me. "How is Ilse?" She seemed slightly taken aback, searching for a reason, eyes glazed over when they looked at me. Then, she gave a polite smile. 

"I'm fine, Levi. Ilse is well. You know how it goes."

I did. Mikasa was part of the trade too, of course. And she did things her way, continuing to be a mother and wife before all, but she knew what she had to do. As an Ackerman, it was her job to continue the business. She did it well. She was smart, unsusceptible. I had never met Ilse, but then, neither had her real father, Jean. I, however, had seen a photo of her when she was only just barely born. She looked more like Jean than anyone. 

"He's going to ask about her, you know."  
  
"I know," said Mikasa, somberly. "She's almost 10 now. Doing well in school. Still has blonde hair, though I promised myself I'd never tell Jean what she looked like. It's only going to make things more difficult for him."

"So just let him meet her, Mikasa. He isn't a bad person."

"I don't try to influence your decisions," she replied curtly, tone crisp. "So don't try to influence mine."

A moment of silence passed before Mikasa rubbed her hands together, promptly pulling a piece of paper out of her coat pocket. She gently placed it on the table and I glanced at it but waited for her explanation. "Your mother is dead," she said bluntly. This wasn't news, I'd known this, she'd died when I was a child. "And Kenny is dead, too."

Kenny, my uncle. Mikasa's father, whom she never called father. Mikasa had been adopted at a young age and had never had a good relationship with Kenny in the first place. I doubted anyone alive could say that they'd had a good relationship with Kenny. 

Kenny did, however, raise me. I was a male, a proper heir, and a fit recipient for his personal training. Truly, having known no family at all would have done me better. Kenny did more harm than good anywhere he went, and this rang true even for his longest project of all, myself. 

"What's your point, Mikasa?"

"Your mother's father. I don't know if you know him. You probably never met. But he died a few weeks ago and things have been shifting and moving around since then," she explained, touching the piece of paper and looking at me with cautious eyes. "He was a wealthy man, as you'd assume. You know Kuchel was well off, in her childhood. Anyway, he left a large sum of money to your mother in his will and when she died, he never had it changed. You're the only child of hers that is known, so the money… it's yours."

_ Money? _ I scoffed, raising my eyebrows in surprise. "I don't want that dead fucker's money. He was never a grandfather to me. What good is money going to do for me in here?"

Mikasa blinked, her gloved hand moving away from the paper. "What do you mean? It's hundreds of thousands of dollars, Levi. You're going to turn that down?"

She deserved that money. She had a life outside of here. "You take it, buy yourself a house. I'm stuck in here and money doesn't get me shit, other than ramen noodles and deodorant."

Mikasa was looking at me with eyes that read  _ are you crazy?  _ She was trying desperately to piece together something in her mind, and when the lightbulb went off, it showed in her eyes. Her mouth dropped open slightly and her entire demeanor tensed. "You don't  _ know _ , do you?"

"Know what?" I asked, becoming annoyed. What other secrets could be hiding from me now? Why was I constantly the last to find shit out? 

Mikasa was suddenly tearing up, and I had never seen this woman cry. I didn't know what the fuck she was upset for, and I didn't know what it had to do with me. All it did was put me on edge, as anyone knows I do not do well with other people's emotions. I just wanted her to fucking talk. "Oh,  _ Levi, _ I can't believe..." she said, and then gave a small laugh. I twisted my face in response. 

"Spit it out, Mikasa."

"They've opened up your case again. They've caught Dhalis Zachary."

I felt my blood practically freeze in my veins. Was she saying what I thought she was saying?

"They haven't said for sure, but they want to call you in," Mikasa continued almost cautiously. "You're the only person who can give a personal statement firm enough to have him put away for the rest of his life. And they figured, they have to give you an incentive to do it. They're asking a lot of you, after all."

My eyes were glued to her face as she spoke. 

"They're considering shortening your sentence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yall !!!


	15. Well, what the fuck, Erwin?

My sentence. Life with the slimmest possibility of parole. I'd never even considered the idea that I might not die within the walls of Stohess, not in years. Yet here the idea was, all wrapped up in bows and presented to me like a gift. The idea of freedom, the idea of getting my life back. Whatever was left of it, that is. 

But at what cost?

"It's not final," Mikasa said quickly. I nearly didn't hear her. "They don't know-- they haven't finalized anything, but you could get out of here Levi. Soon. I only know this because of Thomas."

Thomas was her husband, a lawyer that worked closely with those that had handled my case. The man she married after Jean was sent away. 

"Unbelievable," I said, furrowing my brows. Nothing that had happened in the past few days had seemed like real life, everything was spiraling into a tornado. "They'll want me to rat out Dhalis. Even if… even if I were to get out of here, that puts a giant fucking target on my head. I'll be killed within days."

"They'd protect you, Levi. They wouldn't let that happen."

Mikasa may have believed that, but I didn't. Their protection only went so far. Dhalis' men were everywhere. 

"What happened?" Mikasa asked. A sudden change of subject. She was looking at my bandaged hand, but the worst of it was on my bruised face. She was trying to be considerate.

"Oh, I, uh..." How do you explain something without explaining it? "He deserved it. I'm not in trouble."

"Well, if you can, I'd tell you to stay out of trouble. You don't want to give them any reason to keep you here longer."

I nodded slowly, my head feeling dizzy. Why hadn't anyone told me this yet? Hell, Erwin could've mentioned something. God fucking knew he'd heard the rumors and the whispers surrounding an Oraculi trial. That, alone, was fucking newsworthy. Though, he had told me to go see him, didn't he? I didn't even know Dhalis had been caught; once again, I was the last person to hear.

Mikasa got up to leave after it became clear that our conversation was over. She gave me an awkward hug, stared at my face for a moment, and then wished me well. "I'll be back to see you when I know more. Tell Jean I said hello."

"I will," I told her, my stomach feeling queasy. 

"Oh, and Levi?" she said, turning towards me again. She was between me and the door, hand on her bag. "Eren, too. Give him my love."

Then she turned and left. I was standing alone in the middle of a room full of people and I felt like a wave had washed over me, pushing me underwater. I had so many questions and not enough answers.

I'd never told Mikasa anything about Eren. 

I went back through security, glad to be out of the suffocating transitional area. My steps were heavy as I walked, unsure of where to go next. I could eat, I figured, but I wasn't the least bit hungry. I had a lot on my fucking plate, that was for goddamn sure. 

I went to the cafeteria, where my men sat in their usual place. Entering the room was like going back in time, to a more simplistic phase of my life. Before Eren arrived, before Oraculi found me again. To when my only worries were stupid gang wars and shitty prison food and keeping in contact with my men on the outside. 

"Jean," I said as soon as I was in earshot. He was mid-conversation with Marco, laughing about something. He hadn't seen me approaching, so my voice sent a shock through him. He turned to me with wide eyes, and everyone at our table went silent. 

"Would you look at what the cat dragged in," Jean exclaimed, grinning. "Roughed up a bit, though."

"Mikasa says hi," I told him simply. His entire face changed. 

Jean and Mikasa were obviously together before he and I were sentenced. They ended things when he went away. He, unlike myself, only got fifteen years. He had five years left. Jean had a lot less to do with the trade than I did, and I willingly took most of the fall. For this, Jean would forever be in my debt. I cared about Mikasa, but Jean had loved her. Mikasa wanted nothing to do with him after he was sentenced, and only let Jean meet their daughter twice. Then, she married Thomas, and Jean had to live with the fact that his daughter was being raised by another man.

"Mikasa," he repeated. His grin melted off his face and his eyes were wide as saucers, and Marco was looking at him with an unreadable expression. That'll be a conversation later. "Did she… Did she mention Ilse? How is she? She's ten now, her birthday was last month."

It was surprising enough that Mikasa would even offer a word to Jean. She had done a lot less than that in the past few years. "She didn't, but I'll be sure to ask next time," I promised. Jean looked like he had a war going on behind his eyes, but he blinked rapidly and nodded. 

Marco whispered a question to Jean and I decided to let him handle that. I needed to talk to Erwin, and soon. But first, I had to find out a few things. "Tell me what happened to Kitz," I ordered lowly, taking into account the guards that stood at the perimeter of the room. It was loud and boisterous enough that they wouldn't be able to hear, but I wasn't sure who else might have been listening around us. I grabbed a cigarette and lit it. 

"Well," began Eld, leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head. "He'll be going on trial if what I hear is correct. He has a lawyer, but they're probably looking to break a deal."

"Okay," I said. "And what else?"

"Erwin has his confession on tape," Jean said, something Levi had already known. He'd carried the bugged shiv, after all. "All kinds of incriminating shit, and if Kitz is smart, he'll take a plea deal and drag some other Oraculi fuckers down too."

I said nothing. I couldn't even picture an Oraculi trial. It would be a raid if the FBI found out where they're based. There were only so many places to hide in Berlin. And I knew a few of their favorites.

"How is Eren?"

I glanced at Jean, cigarette between my lips. All four of them were looking at me now, curious to know. "He's fine. Healing. He'll be alright."

"Did he say anything else about his mother?"

My jaw shifted, and I kicked myself for not having brought that topic up again. The moment had just been too serene. "No."

"God only knows what that kid has seen if his father is Grisha Jaeger. I heard Jaeger had two kids, a boy and a girl, and they were both taken into government custody after their mom was offed," commented Connie, picking at the food in front of him. "Oraculi has probably had sights on them both ever since."

"But," said Gunther. He had his elbows on the table and was looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "Eren isn't telling you everything, is he, Levi?"

I took a deep breath, pursed my lips, and cursed whatever deity in the sky had decided my fate. "No, he isn't, Gunther."

And it was true. Eren hadn't ever told me shit about his life. His sentence, his past, his family. It would've pushed me to be distrusting of him if I didn't know who Eren was, inside and out. The kid probably had no clue where he stood, which was right in the center of the crossfire. Eren probably only knew Grisha as 'dad', a man who abandoned him. 

But that still left the matter of his sentence, and Erwin's mention of a murderous past. 

I found him with ease. He was up and moving now, walking around the infirmary with his little IV stand following his every move. His hair was pushed back from his face, he needed a shower; but he looked ethereal, even in his current state of bandages and bruises. He had that way about him. Like light shone through him. 

I stood in the little sitting area of the infirmary, not saying anything. Eren's eyes caught me within a millisecond, despite the conversation he was holding with a nurse passing by. It was odd to even see him in a hospital gown, having only ever seen the kid in prison blues. I made my way to him, my mind reeling from the conversation I'd only just left. I had to tell him, and I figured he would want to know. And then I had to go to Erwin because that fucker was the only connection to systematic matters that I had in my toolbox. 

Eren had one hand on his IV stand as I approached, but it dropped and before I could react, Eren was cupping my face and smashing his lips against mine. 

I stumbled slightly back, faltering as his entire weight came into my body. I grabbed him by the upper arm, careful not to touch any particularly painful areas, only so he wouldn't completely fall against me. He pulled back after a swift couple of beats, having worked his mouth against mine softly. Then, he flashed a million-dollar smile, and I knew this kid would be the death of me. 

"That was a warm welcome," I grumbled, settling him into a more stable stance. His hands fell to my shoulders. "Any particular reason why you felt the need to attack my mouth?"

"Sorry," he said, although he didn't look sorry in the slightest. "Visiting hours end in fifteen minutes and I knew you wouldn't kiss me first. I-- yeah."

It made me think back on the couple of kisses Eren and I had shared in his time here. When had kissing become something other than a tactic of dominance? Somewhere down the line, I figured, things had changed between us and Eren felt comfortable enough to kiss me, to initiate. I probably shouldn't let the kid do shit like that, but how was I supposed to tell him no?

Eren stepped away from me now, cheeks a little warm. I sat and he remained standing. "Don't you think you should, like, sit and rest and heal?"

"It's good for me to move around," Eren countered pointedly, and promptly began shuffling around the room. I sighed. 

"When are you being discharged?"

"Maybe tomorrow morning. It's late. I keep asking, though."

"Then tomorrow morning we'll be paying a visit to Erwin, after you get back and change."

Eren paused now. His eyes found mine in one quick flash. "Why?"

His tone was not friendly, to say the least. Who could blame him? Most of his previous experiences with Erwin Smith involved me visiting the man for sex, and Eren had already voiced his discontent with that matter. He looked suspicious even now, and I nearly rolled my eyes. 

"Wipe that look off your face, Jaeger. I just have something to discuss with him."

"Why are you taking me?"

"I think you'll want to be there."

Eren blinked, almost confused at my suggestion that he take part in any of my personal business. But I wanted to know more about him before I told him anything else about me, and I only had about ten minutes to make that happen. 

"Tell me about your father," I said, crossing my ankle over my knee. His green eyes shifted down to the floor, and his shoulder gave a small shrug. 

"He's like any other dad, I guess. Except he sucks."

"Most dads seem to do that."

"Yeah," he hummed, a small smile pulling at his lips. "They all asked me stuff about him, you're not the first to. But I don't have any more information on him now than I did last year."

"Who asked you?"

"Some government agents. He's not a good person," Eren said simply, but if I had picked up on anything from knowing the kid, it was his social clues. He didn't want to talk about this anymore, and even came over to take a seat beside me. It was clear that he wasn't telling me something, and whatever it was hung in the air heavily. But I decided I wasn't going to pry it out of him right at that moment, so I stored the information for later. "I'm tired."

"Do you want me to go?" I asked, wheeling his IV stand beside him. He had his elbow on the armchair, head in his hand. 

"No," he yawned. "Levi, can I ask you something?"

I wrapped a finger around a stray lock of his hair. "Ask."

"Why are you so scared to feel anything for me?"

My hand paused its repetitive moment. Eren remained sleepily slouched to the side, eyes closed in a peaceful expression. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," I tried, but it sounded even more like bullshit when I'd said it than it did in my head. 

His eyes slid over to me, and his free hand settled on my forearm. I looked down at it blankly. "You don't have to tell me, I already know."

"Already know what?"

"That you care about me."

I couldn't just deny it. The evidence against my case was far too vast. I had risked my life to save him in the basement, I went out of my way to do little things I knew he liked. I let him get away with too much, too often. It wasn't as though any of these things were new developments, either. I had allowed things to continue like this for a while now. Instead of trying to argue my stance, I remained quiet, feeling his fingers trace ghostly circles over my skin. 

Time was ticking. We had a couple of minutes left, so I placed my fingers under Eren's chin and lifted his face so that ours were even, and his eyes were on me. It was hard to breathe when Eren was around, sometimes. Suffocating, a drowning feeling. And fighting it only seemed to make me sink further down. 

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I whispered, my own lips merely inches from his. His features hardened at my words, but my tone hadn't been harsh. It was gentle, if not confused. 

A smile broke out on his face once again, and a chuckle escaped him. "Just everything."

  
The next morning, Eren was released before I'd even woken up. The door to our cell opened and he entered, no longer attached to any machinery. I peeled my eyes open to look at him as he moved around the room, finding clothes to wear instead of his hospital robe. 

"Good morning," I said, still lying on my side. 

"Good morning, Levi," Eren answered, pulling on underwear beneath the gown. I sat up as he untied the strings in the back, the white sheet of fabric falling to the floor at his feet. 

"Are you still in pain?"

"No," Eren assured me, but as he attempted to pull his shirt over his head, he winced and faltered. I stood, taking it from him. "Well, maybe a little."

I snorted, guiding the shirt over his head, then his shoulders, and helping him to put his arms through the holes. "We'll go see Erwin after I shower."

"I probably need one, too, but I can't get the bandages wet."

"Did they give you fresh ones to put on?"

"Yeah," Eren grabbed a roll of white bandaging wrap that he'd placed on his bed. His gleaming green eyes looked at me. "They showed me how to change them. Maybe you can… well--"

"Yeah, yeah," I said simply, readjusting the shirt on his shoulders. "I'll be back."

I showered quickly, my mind more focused on what would be happening in this meeting with Erwin. I was going to demand answers from him, which seemed to be all I did these days. And Eren would be right by my side, and I couldn't even imagine what sort of reaction he was going to have when he heard that my sentence could be shortened. It still hadn't fully sunk in for me, the possibility of leaving Stohess any time soon, and not in a coffin. I stared blankly at the cement-block wall ahead of me. 

Where does that leave my standing with Eren? 

It was nearing summer. Eren had been here for almost five months now. I'd spend almost all of my waking moments in his presence, and whether or not most of that time had been spent on good terms or not was irrelevant. I could have the chance to leave. And Eren would think it would be an invitation to change our relationship into something more. 

_And to think, days ago, you had been dead set on transferring prisons._

  
I left the bathroom with my hair still dripping droplets onto the shoulders of my shirt. Eren sat on the edge of the bed, bare-chested, and looking uncomfortably at his bandage situation. I knelt beside him, taking the wrap from his hands and beginning to unwind it from his body. 

He'd bled through the first couple layers, but it hadn't gone any further than that, which was a good sign. He winced as I peeled the dried gauze off of his wound, but I jerked him back in place in response to his squirming around. He watched me as I wrapped him back up, tight enough but without cutting off any necessary function, and he relaxed slightly once the bandaging was secured. I stood, but he caught my arm, looked up at me like he wanted to say something, but then didn't. I just rolled my eyes before pulling my arm away. 

We walked to Erwin's office in relative silence. Inmates we passed looked at us with curiosity, as it didn't take long for news to spread in that hell hole. Eren, looking banged up and beaten, didn't seem to mind the attention. He didn't have a bounce in his step today, merely walking just behind me with a blank look on his face. I didn't have time to worry about it, as more pressing matters needed to be dealt with. Eren's somber attitude could wait. 

As we approached the door, Eren's steps slowed. I paused, looking back at him in questioning.

"Won't he..." Eren paused, finding his words. "...want something… from you?"

I felt my face harden as I said, "I'm not going to fuck Erwin. Ever again. So get that shit out of your head."

I could see it in his eyes, the anxiety, anytime I said Erwin's name. It made me feel guilty even though it shouldn't have. I had no real obligation to Eren. But I knew the kid was in love with me, supposedly, and torturing him wasn't how I wanted to deal with it. So, there's that.

I began pounding on the door of Erwin's office impatiently. He came to the door after a couple of minutes, opening it and taking a glance at Eren before bothering to look at me. 

"Can I help you two?" He asked, blinking. 

I went into the room before he offered, pulling a chair for Eren over next to mine before I sat down. Eren cautiously followed my example, sitting down beside me. Erwin ignored my lack of explanation and went over to his seat across from us. "I've got three topics to discuss with you, _Mr. Smith_ ," I told him, holding up three fingers accordingly. 

"If this is about--" Erwin began, but I knew what he was going to say, and it wasn't. I definitely didn't need him mentioning it in front of Eren. God only knows what hell would break loose. 

"It's not. Firstly, I want to know everything you know about Gabriel Luther."

The inmate who had died before all this shit was going down with Eren and I. One of the reasons why people were beginning to whisper about my noncommitment to my job. If something like that was able to get past me, it only spoke to my attention span.

Erwin considered this, folding his arms over his chest. He blew some air out from his cheeks and said, "It's being handled. If you're wondering if you need to get involved, you don't."

"They all expect--"

"I know what they expect. But," Erwin sighed, looking away from us. "Fact of the matter is that it doesn't have anything to do with any of the gangs, nor any of the inmates at all. In fact, it was a staff member that killed him."

A staff member? I was surprised, and Eren was too, as he looked quickly over to me. I waved my hand in the air, shaking my head, and asked, "Well, what the fuck, Erwin?"

"I know. I don't know who it was yet and investigations are still going on. Everyone who was working that shift is being questioned. I'm going to figure it out, but there's just simply nothing you can do."

"So what do I tell them?" I inquired, leaning against the arm of my chair. 

"Nothing. A public statement will be released today."

I glanced at Eren. He was looking down at his lap. 

"And Kitz?" I asked. My voice was several levels lower, the man's very name making my skin crawl.

"Kitz is being sent to Conley, you will never see him again. He'll be punished for his actions against Eren there and if you want to take that into your own hands, feel free, but I know nothing about it," Erwin said bluntly. He was giving me permission to have my connections at Conley, a different prison far from here, finish what I started, so long as I didn't mention it to him. 

"So, is that all?"

I shook my head. This was the real reason I was here, and yet another reason why I had Eren with me. "No. I had a visitor yesterday, Erwin. My cousin told me something I figured I should've heard from you long before now," I leaned forward in my chair, elbows on my knees. Eren was watching me, I knew. "What's happening with Dhalis and how much is my sentence going to be shortened?"

"What?" Eren's voice said to my right. He looked from me to Erwin, then, "What's he talking about?"

Erwin was looking at me with unease in his eyes, which narrowed, and he asked, "How do you know about that? They haven't released any of that to us yet. What did Mikasa tell you?"

If Eren was surprised before, he was in shock now. His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he looked back at me, asking, "Wait, _Mikasa_?"

"Yet you have information, and you didn't tell me." I shot back to Erwin, ignoring Eren's surprise. It was to be expected, I hadn't told the boy anything about this. "You think I don't have my sources, Erwin? You think you can hide shit from me?"

"Hang on, hang on, _wait_ ," cut in Eren, abruptly raising his voice above the both of ours. I looked at him in annoyance as his hand came down on my arm. "Can you please explain any of this to me? What the fuck is going on? How do you know my _sister_?"

I stared, silent. Nobody said a word, and slowly, the puzzle pieces came together in my head. Mikasa, my cousin, who had been adopted out to a family out of town when she was taken from her father by children's services. A family who I distantly remember having a son who was a little younger than she is. 

Mikasa, who knew about Eren even though I had never mentioned him to her. 

All I could manage to say was a subtle, "Holy fucking shit."


	16. Nobody fucking wins.

"Your sister is Mikasa Ackerman?" I asked the brunet, the words feeling heavy in the air as soon as they left my mouth. Shit just kept getting more and more confusing, and it was as though the world around me was flipping upside down. First Eren's parents, and now this?

"My sister is Mikasa _Jaeger_ ," Eren answered curtly. His eyes were slightly widened, but why wouldn't they be? "I never knew her birth-name. She wanted nothing to do with her birth family."

"A smart fucking decision, too," I said below my breath, averting my eyes back to Erwin, who sat with a straight face. "So, did you know about that one, too?"

A knowing look. Of course, he did. 

"I've met with Ms. Wagner on several occasions. Both regarding you and, more recently, Eren. She knew all along that you two had become, er, accompanied. Eren tells her everything, anyway-- isn't that right, Eren?"

I looked back to Eren, who did not look pleased. _Ms. Wagner_ , Mikasa's married name. Shit was just boiling right on over, wasn't it? 

"We'll talk about this later," I cut in, regarding Erwin. "Tell me what the fuck else you've been hiding from me before I turn this office inside out."

Erwin's hands went to his face and he groaned into them. I didn't give a shit how stressed out he was, he was supposed to tell me information when it involved my _life sentence_. "They haven't told me everything, Levi, and that's why I haven't talked to you about it. I was going to tell you about Dhalis when you came to see me… privately," he looked at Eren, who frowned in response. "But I'm not supposed to tell you about… oh, Hell. They're thinking about offering you a deal."

"Elaborate."

Erwin opened up a drawer in his desk. He shifted some stuff around before pulling out a manila folder. "If you can give a statement to help prove Dhalis' involvement in the underground drug cartel, they'll significantly decrease your sentence. And they know how much of a risk that is for you. They know that you could die because of it. They're planning on offering you protection and relocation services."

"My sentence."

"You would serve one more year," Erwin said finally. He looked at me, closed the envelope, and pushed it towards me. "Five on parole. _If_ you cooperate."

"Are you kidding?" Eren was asking now, eyes glued to Erwin. He sounded astonished. I took the envelope and looked through its contents. It was all there, the charges against Dhalis, the draft of the contract, my ticket out of here. 

But also possibly my death sentence. 

"Violation of parole would mean life _without_ parole, wouldn't it?" I asked Erwin. Eren reached over from beside me and grabbed the envelope out of my hands, beginning to look through it. I knew he would want to hear this for himself. That's why he was here, why I had brought him in the first place.

It was like the impossible was suddenly possible. Everything I had endured would have come to this. There were so many risks but all I could think about was how stupid it would be to turn an offer like this down. Had Dhalis not been the simultaneously important and dangerous motherfucker he was, had he not been able to avoid being caught for over twenty years, I would not have had this deal offered to me. I was going to get out of here before even Jean did if everything went correctly; not that I wouldn't fight to get his sentence reduced, first. I would be able to get a job and a house and a stupid fucking _cat_ and be a person again. I would get to do whatever I wanted. 

Suddenly, Eren threw the envelope down on the desk. "Did you hide this from me?" He asked me.  
  
I raised my eyebrows at the accusation, jarred. "I just found out, Eren, what the hell?"

"You told me last night that--"

"I know what I told you. I _just_ found out."

Erwin cleared his throat, took back the envelope, and motioned to the door. "I have work to get done. I'll tell you more as soon as I know it, Levi, and nothing until then."

Eren and I left. He wasn't happy. I thought he would be, but for whatever reason, he wasn't. We went back to our cell in silence. The tension was thick and he was thinking hard, which was apparent by his clenched fists. We weren't supposed to be in the cells, so the lights were out, and it was dark. Eren went over to my bed, and I moved to pull off my shirt, hoping to get some rest. Finally, the silence became annoying, unbearable. 

"What's wrong with you?" I asked him over my shoulder.

It soon became apparent what was bothering him so badly. 

“This is what's wrong,” he muttered, now facing me, holding something in his hand. The light behind him made his outline the only thing visible and while I couldn’t see what he was holding, the severity in his voice made me uneasy. “I wouldn't put most things past you, but I never expected this.” 

I shook my head, squinting, my migraine worsening as I tried to zero in on his silhouette. “What the hell are you talking about? I can’t even see what-“

Eren flicked his wrist and something fell at my feet with a _thud._ Without a word, he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, picking up something else and toying with it. I bent over to grab the object at my feet and as soon as my fingers felt it, I knew.

It was my folded up and crumpled reassignment form, with my name in black ink at the top. It now felt hot like an iron in my hand and heavy as steel. He must've found it while I was in the shower this morning; it was the only possible time that he was in here alone. 

I could _feel_ the blood course through my veins like I’d just shot up some goddamn heroin. As I straightened up, I heard myself say, “Eren, it’s not–“ 

“It is, though.” He answered. He didn’t sound angry, or even sad, just… _tired_ . That felt even worse. It was like an alarm was going off in my brain, screaming _fix this! fix it! it’s awful and it’s all your fault so fix it!_

We stared at each other for a moment while I tried to make sense of what I wanted, _needed_ to say. I decided on, "You just heard Erwin. I won't even have a year left in here!"

"You wanted to leave me behind. You were going to transfer to a new prison and leave me here alone. And that's exactly what you'll do when you get out."

I cursed, tearing the paper in half and throwing it on the floor. I didn't have the energy for this argument, and he couldn't let me catch a fucking break. "Fuck, Eren! What do you want from me? I just got the best fucking news of my life and you're concerned about yourself, like fucking always!"

" _I'm_ always concerned about myself? Have you fucking met yourself, Levi?" Eren shot up off of the bed, pointing at me, shouting in my face. "All you care about is _you_! It isn't fucking fair. I'm happy for you, believe me, but I'm tired of being treated like a child!"

"You _are_ a child," I reminded him, pressing him backward with one hand, feeling my blood grow hot. "With a childish crush, and you don't have any fucking clue as to what my real life is."

"What? Your real life outside of here, or outside of _me_ ?" Eren countered, stepping closer to me. We were chest-to-chest, faces inches apart, and he wasn't going to just give in this time. I knew this argument was going to go south fast. "You try and you try to keep me away from your personal business, out of your feelings and emotions, but you _can't_ Levi. You want so badly to believe that I can't keep up with you, but I can."

“I don’t…” I began to say, my whole body nearly quivering like a fucking kicked puppy dog. I was _pissed_ , I was _so_ pissed, he could just fucking came into my life and messed everything up and now I was having to explain myself, and for what? What the fuck did he do to deserve my attention, my effort, my time? What fucking business of his what it what I did? When did I fucking begin care about his opinion of me? 

Apparently, I wasn't capable of verbalizing any of those thoughts. The only thing I could manage was, “You don’t.. you just fucking… Goddammit, Eren! God. Fucking. Dammit!”

I slammed my fist against the bedpost, which caused the metal to ring loudly, and Eren winced from his spot. I was glad to finally get a fucking reaction out of him but it wasn’t enough. I felt red hot fury pump through me, I _saw_ red. I wanted so badly to just throw him to the ground and beat the shit out of him for every liberty he had taken for himself, every piece of _me_ he had twisted and confused. “You don’t fucking get it, Jaeger, you just don’t. You think you know shit but you don’t! You think you know me, but you _don’t!”_

He had the audacity to answer, "You don't know anything about me, either."

"I've killed so many men I lost count," I told him, my voice low, my grip on the bedpost turning my knuckles white. "Some with my bare fucking hands. I never had a fucking mother or a father and I've had to do disgusting things just to fucking stay alive. You think you want anything to do with me? When I get out of this prison I'll probably be dead within the month, because the guy I'm helping lock up has a million people working for him. They'll all come to kill me."

Eren said nothing. He always fucking did that. 

"They'll kill me and anyone I'm with. And even if they don't, I'll still have the fucking drug trade surrounding me, and at some point in that business, everyone loses. Nobody fucking wins. I have no life waiting for me. I will never amount to anything, Eren. I'm not worth shit, and certainly not worth your energy, kid. I'll never be what you want me to be. I'll never be enough for you."

I didn't want to see Eren's face. I sat down on my bed and just put my head in my hands. There was too much going on and I couldn't fucking take it. I couldn't take another look of adoration from this fucking kid who had no real-world experience. In another life, it could have worked. 

I felt the mattress dip when Eren sat next to me. Before I knew it, he was cradling my head, and smoothing down my hair, and calming me in that way that only he could do. It was like deja vu. He was slow, calm, and comfortable; that's just who Eren _was_ as a person. He was like cotton and I was like a fucking matchstick. Enough friction and we would both burn up. Yet he kept persisting. And then he spoke, my head in his lap, his voice quiet but warm.

"My parents..." Eren sighed. His fingers were in my hair. My throat was tight. "Well, my father abused me. A lot. He was a genius so-called _doctor_ and he had all these ideas, and I was his guinea pig."

It was my turn to be quiet. 

"Most of the time it was just me and my mom. Of course, you know about her; what ended up happening to her. It was all because of my dad's affiliation with that group, which I didn't even know about back then. Before she died, I was doing whatever I could to help us get by, and the trailer park we lived in was so sketchy that I was always worried I was going to be raped. She and I were in hiding, because my dad had betrayed the Oraculi, and we just weren't doing well. It was almost a relief when she died; I knew those Oraculi people couldn't torture her anymore."

Eren's hands had gone still. They merely laid on top of my head. 

I had never expected a story so sick and twisted to be told by Eren Jaeger, who was about as pure and well-intended as anyone I had ever met. He was right, it seemed. I didn't know a goddamn thing about him. I didn't have any consoling words to say, so I said nothing. Nothing needed to be said. 

"Change the subject," Eren requested above me. I stared up at him, one knee propped up, my hands on my stomach. "I don't want to talk about that anymore."

"Tell me this," I said after a while. "And don't get defensive. Why do you think I care about you?"

A small smile spread out over his face, but it was mischievous more than anything. “Who else have you bothered with personally, Levi? If someone gets under your skin you send someone else to deal with it, but who have you _personally_ taken the time to deal with except me? You’re unbothered by other people’s existences, except mine," Eren answered me. Then, his tone changed from light-hearted to serious. "You try to make me happy. You change your ways to suit me. You've spent time and energy doing pointless things just to make me smile."

My head was beginning to spin and everything hurt _._ I didn’t know what the fuck this kid was saying but it was like a goddamn vex; it also sounded like it was memorized from some shitty rom-com. 

“I don’t see your point,” I mumbled. _Pathetic!_

"You'll never see it unless you want to."

“So, why the fuck do you care about me?”

Eren looked down at me, puzzled. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” I took a breath, wondering as to why I was even bothering with saying this. “Why… out of everyone in the _world_ , even everyone in this prison-- why is it me that you _think_ you love?” 

This time, when Eren smiled, it was both distant and sad. “You loved me first, that’s why.”

I said nothing. What the fuck could I possibly say to that?

But it seemed Eren was not finished. He took a shaky breath, and I wanted to beg him to just shut up. However, his fingers resumed raking through my hair, and he said, "I want to tell you something else, too. Something I haven't told anyone."

Somehow I knew that whatever he was about to say was going to be severe. If it was going to top what he'd just told me about his mother, then it deserved my undivided attention. My own breath had paused in anticipation, and he took a moment to continue. Eren wasn't looking at me anymore, but his expression was haunting and his voice was completely calm. 

"I killed my dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, holy shit!!!


End file.
